Runaway
by Raven05GDMCR
Summary: MCR fic. AU/Early MCR. Frank has run away from home, and finds himself caught up in a dark world, until he is saved by someone willing to help let a little light back in. But can they out run the dark that still wants him? Frerard fic. Rated for: Language, abuse, drugs and slash.
1. Prologue - Running

**A/N: Alright, so here is the very first chapter/prologue of my new fic. **

**As always, it's an MCR fic, but this time it's got nothing to do with the Killjoys. It's AU also, so it's the boys, but they're not the band. **

**Also, I'll warn you guys now, this fic is going to get pretty nasty/dark. **

**This first chapter is pretty short. I'm literally just setting everything up at the moment, so that's why I'm calling it a prologue  
Hope you guys enjoy it, please review/let me know what you think so far!**

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own MCR or any of the boys. **

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Running away.

It sounds so exciting, so dramatic, doesn't it? "I ran away from home"

People picture you actually running. As fast as you can go, as far as you can go, houses and streets and towns a blur around you as you run, heading towards an unknown destination, a new life, untold adventure. They imagine you feeling a rush of adrenaline as you do it, part excitement, part fear. The world is laid out in front of you, yours for the taking.

Frank didn't actually _run_. He walked, hadn't even had to sneak out of the house, no one had been home anyway.

And it wasn't even like he was running _from_ anything. He just had that… Pull. He had to leave. He had no idea where he was going, he just knew he had to get away from the place he'd grown up in. The place he'd lived the first dull, if good, twenty years of his life.

He'd left a note. Said he'd call, though he had no intention of calling, not for a while anyway. He just wanted to get away.

Okay, yes. The adrenaline, that he would admit he felt. He was nervous, he was excited.

He couldn't wait to get to wherever he was going.

He ended up somewhere pretty obvious, he'd kinda already known that was where he was heading.

The City.

Once he got there he just knew, this was what he was running to.

Yeah, yeah, he hadn't actually run, but that's the way everyone puts it, right?

The city was dull and grey, but it a different kind of dull and grey to the dull and grey of his home. That had been a small dull and grey.

The city was big.

And it was loud.

Frank couldn't wait to get swallowed up.

As he walked further and further into it, it began to truly feel like he was being swallowed, whole.

He'd never felt so out of his depth, yet so… Safe, in his life. He felt like the city could knock him off his feet at any second, but still be there to catch him.

He knew his thoughts were crazy, disjointed, none of what he was thinking made any sense. But it all made perfect sense to him, and right now he was the only one that mattered anyway.

He was alone, only had to worry about himself.

God he felt so free.

He found a place to sit, eat. He had some money on him, but he wanted to be careful with it. He had to look for a place to stay tonight, and who knew how much that could cost.

He'd go out looking for a job in the morning. Shouldn't be too hard, he'd passed hundreds of shops, restaurants, all kinds of places, surely there'd be someone, somewhere who could use an extra pair of hands?

When Frank headed out again, it was with the mission of finding someplace to stay the night. He didn't really care where. He'd come up with more permanent accommodations later, right now he just wanted somewhere to lay down. It was getting dark and he didn't really want to run the risk of spending the night on the street. That hadn't been the plan.

A hostel provided the roof over his head and a bed to lie in that first night. It was fine, inexpensive. Served it's purpose. He was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow anyway.

The next day was spent looking for a job. In his naivety he'd thought it would be easy. He'd found a job so quickly back home (he hadn't told them he was leaving either. He guessed they'd figure it out soon enough though, or his parents would tell them). Here… It was a whole different thing.

Eventually, with the help of his winning smile and assurances that he was a hard worker, and reliable too, he got a job in a small convenience store. The pay wasn't much, but it was enough to get him by, and that was all that mattered.

It took him a while to get a place to live, he'd known that was going to be difficult. But, with patience, and saving what he could (and dipping into his bank account, he hoped no one got any ideas about tracking him down, but he honestly didn't think anyone was going to be looking for him), Frank eventually got a tiny apartment, which, if nothing else, served it's purpose as a place to call 'his'.

The first couple of months carried on pretty steady, uneventful. He went to work, he came home. He didn't go out much, not yet. But he'd started heading out on a Saturday, building up the courage to go into one of the bars, see if he could get served. He hadn't tried yet, but he was going to soon, just to see. Just to see.

Slowly, but surely, Frank was carving out a life for himself. He had aspirations for bigger, better, and he had no doubt in his mind he'd get there. Everything was still so new, so big, it felt like the possibilities were limitless. His for the choosing, his for the taking.

Nearly three months, and it felt like Frank had only just got there, but it felt like he'd been there forever. He was comfortable here, and no one had come looking. He guessed he should contact his parents, let them know he was okay, he'd do that soon, now he was settled.

Work was good, and not too hard. His boss was fair to him, and pleased with Frank. Everything was going well in that area.

Frank felt like branching out some more, getting a bit of the action the city promised. When he went out that Saturday night, he finally picked a bar to head into. It was one he'd walked past a lot. It looked nice, but not fancy. Clean, but not polished. He'd seen a lot of people hanging around outside, most only slightly older than him, he was certain some might even be younger. It wasn't too far from his apartment, in a strange way that made it feel safer.

He went inside, amazed that he wasn't challenged.

Went up to the bar, again, amazed he was able to order, unchallenged. He relaxed, stayed sat on the bar stool, smiling to himself at his achievement. He took a quick look around the bar, it was fairly empty right now, but he saw a small knot of people in the far corner. Six of them. Sat at a round table, with a couch curving around it. Three were chatting amongst themselves, laughing, drinking. He thought he saw a flash of silver inside the mouth of one of them when he threw his head back in loud, open mouthed laugh. Despite being focused on each other, they all seemed to be leaning to the centre of the clutch of people, where one guy was getting the most attention. He had his arm around the shoulders of the sandy haired guy next to him, who was leant back into his embrace, and he was talking, intently, with another guy sat next to him. Frank immediately got the feeling this guy was important, some kind of leader.

Then he looked up, looked directly at Frank, and grinned.

Frank looked away, feeling instantly embarrassed. It was going to seem like he'd been staring, which he hadn't. Well. Maybe he had been looking a little longer than he should've done but he'd just been intrigued.

A few minutes later and Frank dared another glance. The one the leader had been talking to had gone, and the leader was busy making out with the sandy haired guy next to him. Frank went back to his drink.

He had no idea whose attention he'd just caught. And how his life was about to change, dramatically.

He had no idea the trouble he'd just got himself wound up in.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I said this would be here in the next couple of days!**

**Phew, sorry, it's been all crazy busy, Christmas and what-not, but here we are, finally!**

**Okay, first official chapter! So, you've got the basic set up, Frank's run away from home, and it all seems to be going well... For now anyway. He needs to be careful who he meets...**

**Gasoline Diamond, MyChemicalLoveAffair: I love you both! Thank you for your reviews and always supporting me. I also promise the new chapter of I Am A Killjoy is on it's way!  
Also... You might recognise someone from my other fic in this one...**

Anyway... Let's get on shall we? Warnings apply in this chapter, yes, already! 

**Disclaimer: I do not own MCR **

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Saint Jimmy noticed him right away. Though he was with a customer when Frank first walked into the bar, Jimmy saw him. It was like he _sensed_ him.

When business was done (nice, clean, easy deal. One of the reliable kids, one of the few. Never asked for anything he couldn't afford) Saint Jimmy settled himself back into the couch. He had a perfect view of the alarmingly comfortable looking young boy getting served at the bar.

"Now, now. You're too young to be in here." Saint Jimmy muttered. "Naughty boy." He added, with a grin.

"What's that, Jimmy?" Beside him, Johnny perked up, as he always did when he wasn't being directly talked to. Saint Jimmy didn't reply, merely nodded at the bar, in the general direction of the boy. Johnny looked, shrugged, then looked back to Saint Jimmy. "So? New kid. What's the staring about? If he wants your supplies, Jimmy, he'll come over. Staring won't make him come any faster." Saint Jimmy grinned more, and Johnny had to retrace over his words to figure out what he'd said that was amusing. "Already thinking that far ahead, are we, Jimmy?" he grumbled once he realised the sexual connotation Jimmy had taken, so typical.

Jimmy, finally taking his eyes off the boy, turned to Johnny, who was sulking, arms folded and slumped on the couch. "You're adorable when you're jealous, Johnny." Saint Jimmy told him. "I. Am. NOT-" Jimmy grabbed him by the hair, yanked him closer, kissing him before he could finish the sentence.

Frank saw him out of the corner of his eye as he walked closer. He made a point not to look up, kept his eyes on his drink, picking it up just as the guy he'd noticed, the leader, settled onto the stool next to him.

For a while, there was silence, and Frank guessed maybe the guy hadn't really been coming up to talk to him after all, why would he? No one knew him here, wasn't that the point? Laughing at himself, mentally, for his paranoia, or was it vanity? Frank picked up his drink again, suddenly feeling much more comfortable.

"Aren't you a little young for that?" Frank nearly jumped as the guy suddenly leaned closer and whispered to him. Carefully putting his glass down, Frank looked at the stranger, to find the stranger look right back at him, a small smile on his face, and eyes, bright green, felt like they were staring right into him.

When the fuck did he start paying attention to peoples eyes?

"I-" Frank stuttered, then, collecting himself, he started again. "I'm 21." He said, confidently, this time. "Only just, but still, I-""No. You're not." The stranger argued. Frank opened his mouth to protest some more, but he was interrupted. "You're not far off, let me guess… 19? 20? You look younger than that, but you're definitely not a day under 19. You'd look more scared if you were." Frank blinked. "I'm 20, just." He found himself saying, with a sudden, nervous glance behind the bar. "Don't worry." The stranger told him. "They're good at the blind eye in here." Then, sticking out his hand, "I'm Saint Jimmy." Frank suppressed the urge to laugh. "'Saint?'" He said. "Get to know me better, you might find out why they call me that." Saint Jimmy said, with a wink. That time Frank did laugh, finally taking Jimmy's hand, shaking it. "I'm Frank." Saint Jimmy grinned. "Nice to meet you, Frank." Then, "You seem an adventurous one… Underage drinking, sneaking into a bar… How'd you feel about coming and sitting with me and my friends? Maybe get you something a little _more_ adventurous." Frank noticed Saint Jimmy was holding out his hand again, though this time there was something in it. Frank only glanced then said. "I'm… Okay. Really. Thanks." Saint Jimmy grinned, slipping his hand back into his pocket, coming out again with his hand empty. "Alright, offers there." Jimmy said, hopping down off the stool. "See you around, Frankie."

Frank didn't go back there for a few weeks, something about Saint Jimmy had unsettled him. He'd seemed nice enough. But… It wasn't even the drugs he'd been offered. Something about the way Jimmy had smiled at him…

But, eventually, he couldn't help himself.

Frank tried telling himself that it was just because it was the only place he'd gone that had actually served him. He'd tried a few other places, but most hadn't even let him through the door.

Just this place, The Phoenix, let him get away with it.

_He won't even be here. _Frank told himself. _And even if he is, it's not like I __**want**__ to see him._

But the thing was, there was a small part of Frank that really, really did want to see Saint Jimmy again, he'd been oddly intrigued. Not least as to why he'd want to have anything to do with a random loner like himself.

But at the same time, he was scared of seeing Saint Jimmy. He had a bad feeling he'd wind up someplace he wouldn't be able to get himself out of, if he wasn't careful.

Frank was sitting in the same spot as last time, trying not to look around. Pretending he wasn't disappointed that he couldn't see Saint Jimmy anywhere, or any of the others who'd been hanging around him that night.

Not that Frank really remembered what the others looked like.

Two drinks down and still no sign, it'd been quiet tonight, and the last time he'd been here had hardly been crowded.

He was about ready to leave when a commotion from behind him, where the door was, drew his attention.

It was a larger crowd than last time, and they were a lot louder, but still, in the centre of it, Frank saw him.

While everyone around him was excitable and laughing and cheering about something or other, jostling each other about and occasionally knocking into the furniture, Saint Jimmy was like a pocket of calm, the eye of the storm. He walked slowly, smiling slightly, head slightly down. Not submissively, not at all. He was merely acting coy. Something Saint Jimmy knew sent most of his followers wild. They all wanted him, whether they admitted to it or not, and giving them the idea they might one day get him made them more compliant to his wishes.

Again, it was like Saint Jimmy could sense Frank was there, he looked up at just the right moment to catch Frank's eye as he walked past. Saint Jimmy didn't stop, didn't say anything, barely reacted at all. But Frank knew he'd been acknowledged. He had a feeling some of those in the crowd around Saint Jimmy would kill to have Jimmy look at them like that.

Frank resisted going over. But his eyes kept wandering to the group, kept wandering to Saint Jimmy, who again, had the sandy haired guy hanging off him, touching him at all times. And again, though the crowd was big, and they'd all split off into their own separate conversations, they all had that pull, they were all drawn to Saint Jimmy.

Frank felt the pull too, but still, he resisted.

A few more drinks and Frank was seriously considering leaving now. He sensed he had to get out of here, before he found himself over _there_.

He was nearly at the door when he heard a voice behind him.

"Leaving so soon?" Frank turned, slowly, forcing himself to be calm, casual. Saw Saint Jimmy behind him, grinning at him. Frank shrugged. "I was just-""I was heading out for a smoke." Saint Jimmy interrupted. "Johnny's being a little bitch and won't come with me. I'd hate to fuck my lungs up all alone. Since you're going outside anyway, figure you should keep me company."

"I don't smoke." It was a lie, but Frank couldn't stop himself. Saint Jimmy grinned, like he knew Frank was lying. He slipped his arm around Frank's shoulders. "Really? It's easy. I'll show you how."

It wasn't cold outside, but Frank felt a shiver pass through him as he watched Saint Jimmy.

They were just around the side of the bar, Jimmy was leant up against the wall, eyes closed as he once again put the cigarette to his lips, drawing it in, lazily blowing the smoke out.

Frank, also leant against the wall, beside Saint Jimmy, couldn't stop staring at him. He was oddly enrapt by him and his simple task of smoking.

Saint Jimmy opened his eyes, and turned his head, smiling at Frank. "Want?" He said. Frank didn't know how to reply, startled, his eyes went wide as he struggled to answer. Saint Jimmy grinned wider as he held up the cigarette between his fingers. "I was only offering you this." He said, pushing himself off the wall, positioning himself in front of Frank, a little too close. "Unless, of course, you were hoping for something else?" A hand, boldly reaching out, glancing over Frank's cheek. Frank didn't answer at first, but when he did, he made sure he sounded confident. "Just the smoke, thanks Jimmy." He said. The grin never leaving, Saint Jimmy held up the cigarette, letting Frank catch it between his lips, inhale. Jimmy backed off as Frank raised his hand, taking the stick between his fingers, closing his eyes as he exhaled.

"Thought you said you didn't smoke." Saint Jimmy said, now lighting himself a new one. Frank grinned, opening his eyes again, "Only occasionally." He replied, with a shrug. "Sure, sure." Jimmy winked at him.

When they walked back inside, Frank wondered why he'd felt so uneasy about Jimmy. They hadn't said much else, but it'd been… Comfortable. Now they were heading back to the table, where all Jimmy's friends (followers) were waiting. Jimmy's arm loosely and casually around Frank's shoulders, guiding him. Frank had a feeling he should've been unnerved by the contact but he really wasn't. It felt kinda right.

As they got to the table, everyone looked up, most looking at Jimmy, but a few giving wary, or intrigued looks to Frank. One, the sandy haired guy Frank recognised from the other night, was glaring at Frank.

No, not at Frank. At the arm around Frank's shoulders. Wait, wasn't that the guy Jimmy had been making out with before? Was this the 'Johnny' who'd refused to come out with Jimmy? He guessed the two of them were some kind of item, but that wasn't exactly Frank's problem. He wasn't looking to move in on Jimmy, he wasn't interested in him like that.

Or, at least, he didn't think he was.

Frank was pretty sure he was straight, but he wasn't exactly certain about that. He'd never liked a guy in that way, but then again he'd never had a serious girlfriend either. Not that it mattered, but perhaps at some point he would need to mention his almost certainly straight status, just to make sure no one mistook his intentions.

Of course, it wasn't really his intentions he had to worry about.

"Everyone, this is Frank." Jimmy announced, proudly. And Frank smiled, a little nervous at being introduced to so many people all at once. "Hey"

A few greetings thrown his way, then most seemed to loose interest in him.

"Found yourself a new toy, Jimmy?" Asked one of the few who hadn't lost interest. Frank felt uneasy then. What did that mean? "For fucks sake." The girl sat next to the guy said, smacking him on the arm. "Don't scare the poor boy."

"Yeah, where'd you find this one, Jimmy?" Someone else asked. "Playground?""Careful, they'll have you for paedophilia.""Never got me for anything else, did they?" Jimmy quipped back, with a wink. "And pipe the fuck down, he's not that fucking young." Jimmy genuinely sounded annoyed, so everyone promptly shut up. "Enough of this shit. You all be on your best fucking behaviour, make Frank feel welcome." Even Frank could sense the edge in Jimmy's voice, he was pissed, and he had a feeling you didn't want to be the reason Jimmy was pissed.

Jimmy's arm dropped from Frank's shoulders, only for him to take his hand. Jimmy lead him round to the space that'd obviously been left for Jimmy in his absence. "Move up, Johnny." Jimmy told the sandy haired guy. So Frank had been right, that was Johnny. "I don't think Frank wants to have to sit on my lap." Frank's heart jumped a little, there'd been a few mentions like that already, hints of a sexual nature (and by Jimmy's tone, that definitely had been one). And Frank honestly wasn't sure what he thought about that. Johnny glared at Frank even more, but still obeyed Jimmy's orders. Frank felt a little uncomfortable, sitting next to Johnny, with Jimmy the other side. Frank tried a smile at Johnny, but the other man simply gave him a dirty look and turned away from him.

The night passed in a bit of a blur after that. Drinking and chatting. The girl who'd spoke up earlier, Alice, it turned out her name was, leaned across the table at Frank. "Sorry to ask this, after all the stick you got from this moron." Another smack on the arm for the guy next to her. "But how old are you?" Frank didn't answer right away, not certain it was a good idea to tell these people his real age. He glanced at Jimmy, who he'd thought hadn't been paying attention, turns out he had. Jimmy shrugged, nodded. Frank focused back on Alice again. "20." He told her. She smiled slightly, nodded. "You know, you look a lot younger than that." She told him, not patronisingly, almost caringly. "You look like a baby." Even that didn't have a cruel edge, though she did look slightly sad, for reasons Frank couldn't figure out.

They were there until the very early hours. In the back of his mind, Frank was thinking about how he had to be up for work in a few hours, but the alcohol buzzing through him made it seem far away, unimportant.

Jimmy hadn't stopped touching him all night. Be it a hand on his arm, on his leg, arm back around Frank's shoulders, just always _something_. And now, as they headed to the door, was no exception. Jimmy had his arm around Frank's waist, pulling him in as close as possible.

Frank could feel Johnny's eyes boring into the back of his skull, even though he had no idea exactly where Johnny was.

Frank had got used to Jimmy's touch so much already, this didn't feel even slightly strange anymore. In fact, he kinda liked it. At the door, while everyone else slowly dispersed, calling their goodbyes and thanks to Jimmy as they went, Jimmy turned to Frank, pulling him in close. So close Frank could smell the sweet alcohol Jimmy had been drinking on his breath when he spoke. And when Jimmy spoke, it was in an equally sweet whisper. "Fancy coming back to mine, Frankie?" Jimmy's arm curled tighter around Frank, while the other moved around his back, fingers stroking slightly. "Um." Frank couldn't think, he didn't know. He wasn't sure. "Um."

"Take your time, baby." Jimmy told him, with a hint of laughter at Frank's uncertainty. "I've got all night."

"I don't." Frank replied, too quickly. He winced. Started again. "I've- I've got work in the morning." Jimmy smiled at him, like he wasn't sure if he believed him or not. "Okay, Frankie." He said, slowly releasing him. "Some other time." Frank nodded, though he didn't know why. Did he really want to go back to Jimmy's place? Being out in a bar with him was one thing. But alone. In his home?

Frank wasn't sure how he felt about that. Then Jimmy kissed him, lightly, on the cheek. But it was enough to startle Frank. His cheek felt hot, and he raised his hand to it, as he looked up, watched Jimmy go.

Frank was suddenly aware of how cold the rest of him felt, now he couldn't feel Jimmy touching him.

He thought about it all the way home, trying to figure it all out. By the time his head hit the pillow though, all thoughts were gone.

And the next morning he was two hours late to work.

Frank told himself he wasn't going back there the next night. He'd drunk a little too much the night before and he didn't want to get into the habit of doing that.

Then there were all the mixed up stuff with Jimmy… He wasn't sure if he was quite ready to face him again.

And yet…

Here he was.

But he didn't find Saint Jimmy.

Instead, someone else found him.

Frank had sat himself at the bar, again. He was looking around, nervously, as he had the night before. It was busy that night, so he'd expected to see Jimmy, but there was no sign of him.

Eventually he got up from his seat, started wandering, slowly. Maybe Jimmy wasn't in his usual spot, didn't mean he wasn't there though.

Frank had nearly made a full circuit of the place when he felt a hand grab his arm, yanking him into the narrow corridor that led to the bathrooms. Frank panicked, tried to shake the hand off, push away, but then he was slammed against the wall, a hand on each arm and a body close, pining him in place.

It was kinda dark, but after the initial fear passed, Frank was able to focus, process who it was that'd grabbed him.

"Johnny?" He wasn't sure what he was more surprised about. The fact Johnny was here, without Jimmy anywhere nearby (perhaps he was near, and Frank just hadn't seen him?), or the fact that Johnny had grabbed him. He knew Johnny didn't like him much, but he hadn't taken Johnny for a man of action. Maybe he'd underestimated Johnny? Was he in more trouble than he'd thought?

"What-" Frank didn't even get his half-hearted question out, of course he knew exactly what Johnny wanted, it was a stupid question, but Frank wanted anything to break the silence which consisted of Johnny staring at him with eyes that looked like they could burn. "Don't play fucking cute, 'Frankie'." Johnny's face twisted slightly as he used Jimmy's nickname for him. "Stay the fuck away from Jimmy. Got it?"

Frank tried his best to keep his face blank, neutral, open, but on the inside he was fucking annoyed. It wasn't his fault Jimmy had come up to him, talked to him. He hadn't wanted to go out for a smoke with Jimmy last night, sure it had been his decision to come back in with Jimmy, but Jimmy had done all the initial chasing. Now he was being told to back off by an over-protective boyfriend? Oh. Great.

"Johnny." Frank said, calmly. "I don't know what you're getting so worked up about, but I just-""I'm getting worked up because you're sniffing around here hoping to find Jimmy." Frank nodded. "Sure, I want to find Jimmy, he's been nice to me, he-""Do you think I'm stupid, Frank?" Johnny demanded, suddenly. Although Frank had another answer in mind, he decided to go for the one that wouldn't get him in so much trouble. "No." He said. "Good." Johnny nodded. "Because I'm not. I saw you last night, you couldn't keep your hands off him." And again, Frank thought how unfair that was, it hadn't been him! It was Jimmy who hadn't stopped touching Frank all night. Frank had kept his hands perfectly to himself. "Johnny I-""And I heard him, you know? I heard him ask you back to his place, bet you thought you were well in then, huh, Frankie? Well guess what-?""If you heard him ask then maybe you also heard me saying no!" Frank finally snapped. Johnny was refusing to see that Frank was, in fact, innocent in all this, it was Jimmy doing all the work, crossing all the boundaries, and the fact that Johnny was ignoring this was starting to really piss Frank off. Johnny opened his mouth, ready to argue, but Frank wouldn't let him. "And, before you start accusing me of any other shit maybe you should know I have no fucking interest in Jimmy, not like you're suggesting anyway. I do not want to get in the way of you and him, I do not want to sleep with him, nothing. I'm not even fucking gay! I want nothing from him but his company, I'm new to this city and it's just nice to have someone to hang out with. Now quit the fucking jealous boyfriend act and maybe we could be friends too."

Frank could feel his heart pounding, adrenaline kicking in hard, half expecting a fight, the continued look in Johnny's eyes in no way helping to calm his nerves.

Finally, Johnny said. "You're not gay?" Frank sighed, rolling his eyes, so _that_ was the only part of his speech Johnny had listened to? Fine. Whatever worked. "No." Frank told him. "I'm not." Johnny still looked at him, suspiciously, but, eventually, he released Frank's arms, and stepped back. "Okay." Johnny nodded. "Good."

Frank sighed in relief at being released finally. "Well. Now that's clear, is Jimmy about?" A flash of something dangerous in Johnny's eyes when Frank asked that, but he seemed to calm down after a second, probably replaying what Frank had just said to him, in his head. "He's not." Johnny said, but not like he was trying to hide anything, somehow Frank could tell Johnny was telling the truth. "Lazy bastard couldn't be fucked to leave the apartment, he's sent me out on his errands." Frank cocked an eyebrow at him 'errands'? Johnny caught the look, waved the question off before Frank could ask it. "Don't worry about it, nothing much." Then, small smile on his face, slightly wicked, Johnny asked, "I wouldn't say no to a little company, Frank."

Frank could feel, in his gut, there was something off here, something he should be worried about, something he should be scared of. He couldn't figure it out, but it didn't matter because before he knew it he was answering, "No. Thanks, Johnny. But, uh… I was only gonna say a quick hi to Jimmy and then… Um. Tell him I said hi, yeah?"

Frank hurried out of the bar then, without waiting to hear or see Johnny's reply. Because Frank had remembered the bag Jimmy had offered him the first time they'd spoken.

A lot of things suddenly became very clear.

Saint Jimmy was a dealer.

And Frank knew he should want to stay as far away from Jimmy as possible now.

Drugs. Shit.

He'd known there was something about Jimmy that his instincts told him to be cautious about, but he'd just assumed it had something to do with how over-affectionate he was.

Now he knew and…

He knew he was still going to come back the next night.

Frank didn't even need to get inside before he found Saint Jimmy.

He was standing outside the door, leant against the wall, smoking. He smiled as he saw Frank come towards him. "Heard you were looking for me last night." Jimmy said, once Frank was close. Frank shrugged, non committal. "I also heard you had a bit of a run in with my Johnny." The smile turned slightly wicked then, a glint in Jimmy's eye. Frank felt the anger rise in him again. "He was the one who-" "Don't worry about it." Jimmy said, raising a hand to halt Frank's protests. "I know what a jealous bitch Johnny can be. I know he was the one giving you grief. Sorry about that, just ignore him."

Frank nodded. "I think it's sorted now, though Jimmy. I told him I wasn't interested in you, not like that. I mean, I'm straight so…" Frank didn't really know how to finish that sentence, so he just kinda let it hang. Jimmy continued to grin at him. "Oh. Really?" He said. Something in the way Jimmy said it, it was almost like he was questioning Frank.

Was he sure?

Really sure?

Was he sure he was straight?Sure he wasn't at least a little interested in Jimmy?

Jimmy flicked away his spent cigarette and slipped an arm around Frank's shoulders, giving Frank a warm, comfortable feeling of something familiar. Cut through with an unknown, darker feeling.

Frank was sure.

He wasn't interested.

Was he?

Frank stayed out late again that night, and it was the second time since they'd met that Jimmy offered him drugs.

Johnny had been sitting the other side of Saint Jimmy and saw the exchange, he looked up at Frank, grinning, knowingly.

Frank took the drugs offered to him, saying thanks, but he'd take them later.

Jimmy grinned, shook his head. Took Frank's hand and led him away from the table.

Jimmy didn't let go of Frank's hand until they were in the bathroom. Surprisingly clean, but then, despite their lack of regard for the legal drinking age (not that Frank was complaining) The Phoenix was a nice place.

Jimmy did a quick scan, checking they were alone, then, seemingly out of nowhere, he said. "I know you're a virgin." Frank's heart rate sped up considerably. Wait. What? Jimmy saw his wide eyed look of panic and confusion, smiled as he walked slowly closer. Frank found himself backed against the wall (again), wondering what the hell was going on.

Jimmy didn't stop until he was right up close, then he reached out, reached into Frank's pocket, pulling out the drugs he'd stuffed in there. "I mean these, angel." Jimmy said, waggling the bag in front of Frank's face. "But…" He continued, his other hand reaching down now. Startling Frank as he pressed his hand to the front of Frank's jeans. "I do get the feeling you're a virgin in more ways than one." His hand rubbing gently. Involuntarily, Frank closed his eyes. He couldn't deny it, that felt good.

_I'm not interested in Jimmy like that. I'm straight. I do not want to touch or be touched by Jimmy. I do not want to sleep with Jimmy. I am not interested in Jimmy. I am. Not. Gay._

The thoughts danced in his head, right along with Jimmy's slightly sing song voice. "I didn't want you trying these things by yourself for the first time." It took Frank a second to realise Jimmy wasn't touching him anymore, it was just in his mind now, and fuck, Jimmy was grinning, he knew the effect he'd had on Frank, and fuck, of course he could tell, Frank was already slightly hard and. _Fuck_.

Jimmy didn't say anything, but he made a point to look down, before returning his eyes to Frank's again. "Okay, sweetheart, we'll do this together." There were two pills in Jimmy's hand, and though he was sure he'd been told, Frank couldn't remember what they were. He didn't want to ask again, he hated asking things twice, he thought it made him look stupid. Jimmy had already popped one of the pills in his own mouth, swallowing it easily, he smiled, tipping his head back slightly, as if he could already feel the affects. Maybe he could, maybe the whole process worked for Jimmy.

But now he was waiting for Frank.

He was frozen, no idea what to do. Scared, of all of it.

Jimmy smiled, picked up the other pill. "Open your mouth." Still terrified, Frank did as he was told, feeling helpless and silly. Jimmy placed the pill on Frank's tongue, then, with a hand gently under his chin, closed Frank's mouth. "Swallow." Jimmy said, wicked grin back in place. Was it Frank's imagination, or was Jimmy purposefully making this sound dirty? Again though, Frank did as he was told. And he found it wasn't just Jimmy's love for the drugs, these really did hit quick. Frank felt his head tip back, banging slightly against the wall, but he didn't care. This felt…

Fucking beautiful.

He was suddenly aware of Jimmy again, he had his hand between Frank's legs again, and his face was buried in Frank's neck. Shit. That coupled with the sensation on the drug, Frank felt like this was going to be the quickest, dirtiest, best make out session he'd ever had (not that he'd exactly had many before).

Jimmy detached his mouth from Frank's skin, came up to whisper in his ear. "So, Frankie, you're straight, huh?" Frank tried to reply, but his words choked. "I dunno, angel, getting this fucking hard while another man touches you… Doesn't feel very straight to me." Again, Frank tried to reply. "I'm guessing you've never kissed a man, have you?" Frank shook his head, he'd closed his eyes but he could feel Jimmy's lips close. Oh God. So fucking tempting.

Then. Suddenly, it all stopped. "You won't today either, Frankie." Frank opened his eyes, saw Jimmy grinning, as always, he was proud of himself. Jimmy giggled, actually giggled, like a girl, then grabbed Frank's hand. "C'mon Frankie, we don't want someone finding us like this, do we?"

And again Frank found himself pulled along behind Saint Jimmy. Trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

The night past in a blur, part down to the drugs, part down to Jimmy's usual whirlwind ways. No sooner had Frank got used to a situation than it changed. One thing was constant though.

Saint Jimmy.

Frank was almost certain Jimmy hadn't let go of his hand all night, clutched tightly, as if he was afraid Frank was going to make a run for it at any second, which was far from the truth. Frank wanted to stay close to Jimmy, he wasn't used to the drugs and he had a feeling he'd been drinking too much and yeah it was stupid but he kinda didn't want Jimmy to leave as he kinda felt like Frank's safety net.

He completely ignored the fact that Saint Jimmy was the one who'd led him here.

All night Frank felt eyes on him. Boring into him. He knew Johnny was staring again, and he did feel slightly guilty that he was in constant physical contact with another guys boyfriend, but he meant no harm by it. He wasn't looking to make a move on Jimmy or anything.

His mind flashed back to the bathroom. Pressed up against the wall, Jimmy's hand on him and-

Okay. Well. That hadn't been his fault.

_You could've stopped him. _

Yeah. Right.

Frank already knew you don't, can't say no to Saint Jimmy. You might think it, you might even say it. But, in the end you'll always say yes.

Johnny's weren't the only eyes on the two of them though. It might've just been Frank's mind playing tricks on him, but it felt like everyone was watching them.

Everyone was jealous of Frank, or in awe that he'd got so close to Jimmy so quickly. Most were a little bit of both.

Once Frank caught the eye of the girl, Alice.

She didn't look jealous, or in awe.

She looked sad again.

Frank still didn't get it.

He didn't remember getting home that night, but when he woke up he felt sick. He was glad he had a day off work, he'd woken up late again for one thing, and he didn't feel like facing the world either.

Until that night.

There'd never been any doubt in his mind about going back again.

After that Frank was going every night, Saint Jimmy always welcoming him with open arms, Johnny always giving him death glares.

He was a little surprised when Jimmy started asking for money for the drugs, but then again, a part of him had expected it. Saint Jimmy was a dealer after all. And though Frank didn't have a lot of money, it wasn't like he had many other outgoings either.

At first Jimmy would always take Frank off to the bathrooms, or round the back of the building if they couldn't get privacy elsewhere. He'd help Frank out until he got more confident with the drugs himself. Then Frank started going alone, Jimmy watching him go, a wicked and proud smile on his face as he followed his movements.

Jimmy never really tried anything like the first time, yes he was always touching Frank, leaning on him, sometimes giving him a few innocent (as it gets with him) kisses on the cheek. But he hadn't put himself and Frank in any kind of sexual situation again. Frank guessed maybe Jimmy had just gotten a little carried away, and he was sorry for it, that's why it was never brought up, never repeated.

His opinion on that changed about a month later, however.

Frank titled his head back against the wall, closing his eyes, waiting to see if the effects would kick in quickly again this time.

They didn't, but that was fine, he preferred the slow burn anyway, he'd found if they kicked in quick, they faded quick, if he had to wait… All the better.

He went over to the mirrors, leaning forward slightly to get a good look at himself.

He thought he looked pretty good, despite the slightly tired look around his eyes, he thought he looked better, more alive than he had… Ever.

A grin (unconsciously trying to copy Saint Jimmy's trademark) and then he turned away, heading, confidently out the door and back into the bar.

Within seconds he was pinned against the wall, almost exactly where Johnny had shoved him into a month ago. Perhaps the boyfriend felt the need to reiterate his claim on Saint Jimmy.

Turned out it wasn't Johnny at all.

It was Saint Jimmy.

And, no sooner had Frank figured that point out than Jimmy pressed even closer, and, without warning, kissed Frank, suddenly and forcefully.

A million thoughts rushed through Frank's mind, but all fragments, none of then coherent.

So this was what it was like to be kissed by a guy?

He had to admit. He kinda liked it.

_Not gay, remember? _

Yeah… That wasn't looking quite so certain anymore.

It took a couple of seconds for Frank to get over the shock, relax enough to kiss back. When he did, it encouraged Jimmy further. He felt Jimmy's tongue against his lips, demanding to be let in.

And well. You can't say no to Saint Jimmy.

Frank found his hands wandering up and down Jimmy's back, pulling him in closer, and Jimmy's hands felt like they were fucking everywhere.

Everywhere except the place Jimmy had touched him before. Which Frank was grateful for, he wasn't sure if he could take that too right now.

Then, just as quickly as it had started, Jimmy pushed away, smirking, wickedly as he saw the look of disappointment on Frank's face, who eventually looked up at him again.

Saint Jimmy said nothing, but he grabbed Franks hand, leading him back to the table full of people.

Frank had just been sitting there, staring blindly, Jimmy's hand still tight around his. Frank had barely noticed.

He'd just been kissed.

He'd just been kissed by a guy.

He'd just been kissed by _Saint fucking Jimmy_.

His thoughts were a jumble, nagging sensations of how wrong it was, but at the same time he couldn't shake the fact he kinda liked the thought. He'd liked the kiss, enjoyed it.

Kinda wanted more.

Shit.

He knew he was screwed.

Frank was vaguely aware of Alice coming over, sitting the other side of him. "Frank? You okay?" He snapped himself out of it enough to look up, smile at her, nod. She frowned back at him, apparently she didn't believe him. "Jimmy." She said, leaning across Frank now to get to the esteemed leader. Jimmy spared her a brief look, then turned his full attention on her. For reasons no one could quite understand, Jimmy had a certain respect for Alice, and would often listen to her. Not every time, but then, that just wasn't in Jimmy's nature, after all. "Can I borrow Frank for a second?" She asked.

Jimmy grinned. "So long as you bring him back in one piece." "I think he's got more to fear from you than me, Jimmy." Alice said, rolling her eyes, though Frank got the idea she was more serious than she was making out.

He found himself led outside, not something he was completely happy about. It was cold and he'd left his jacket inside. But at least it gave him an excuse to smoke, he felt like he could kinda do with the stress relief right now. Alice watched him as he lit up, waited until he took his first drag.

"Jimmy get you on those things?" She asked. Frank looked up at her, first time he'd given her eye contact since they got outside, his annoyance clear in his eyes. "I already smoked." He said, slightly indignant. He did not mention the fact that he'd been smoking a hell of a lot more regularly lately. Alice nodded, accepting his answer none the less. She waited a little longer, and in that time Frank was glad he had something to do with himself, he could sense how much more awkward this would feel otherwise.

In the end, it pretty much came from nowhere.

"Frank. I know what's going on."

He didn't look at her, suddenly feeling hot, though whether it was from embarrassment or anger, he wasn't quite sure. "I don't know what-""Frank." Alice cut in before he could finish his protest of ignorance. "Don't. I've seen it enough times to know what's happening. And to know where you're heading." Now he definitely felt annoyed. He didn't need mothering. (In truth, he just didn't like that someone else was saying the things he'd been thinking, trying to avoid) "I can handle it." Frank said, sounding much more sure of himself than he truly was.

Alice moved closer, a light hand on Frank's shoulder. "But you can't handle _him_." On pure instinct Frank shrugged her off, but gave her eye contact instead. He frowned at her words. "Who?" He said, "Jimmy? I don't-""Do _not_ lie to me Frank, I am trying to help you. Yes of course Jimmy, who the hell else? I've seen. I know."

A cold chill suddenly replaced the hot anger in Frank.

Fuck.

They'd been seen?

Fuck.

Why hadn't Frank thought of that? He'd known they were in easy view, but he'd assumed Jimmy had checked if they were clear. Then again, knowing Jimmy, he'd want to be seen.

Fuck. _Fuck._

"You…" He stammered "You saw us… When we… Um… You saw-""No." Alice said, saving Frank from repeating the same thing anymore. "I didn't see you do anything specific. But the fact you seem so nervous about the idea tells me a lot."

And now he felt stupid for walking right into that. For making it sound worse than it really was. He lowered his gaze again. "We only kissed…" He mumbled.

"It's never 'only' with Jimmy." Alice said, simply. "And I think you know that, don't you?"

Frank didn't reply, but he knew, he did know that. And yes, some part of him was still telling him he should be worried, that this was going to lead somewhere he didn't want to go, but at the same time, he knew he couldn't help it.

Alice's hand was on his shoulder again, and this time he didn't shrug it off. "I'm giving you the chance to go." She told him. "If you go now you'll be able to leave this all behind. Jimmy is interested in you, very interested. But not so interested that he'd go looking for you if you left."

And with that, the anger, the confusion came right back again. "What the… You think I should _leave_?" Frank asked, frowning deeply as he tried to understand. "What the hell? Oh don't tell me this is another thing like Johnny. How many people want a fucking claim on Jimmy anyway?"

Alice laughed, lightly, and kept a pleasant smile on her face as she told him, "Oh. No. Definitely not like Johnny." She assured. "No one's like Johnny. Poor boy…" She paused, the smile fading briefly, and Frank got the feeling she felt genuinely sorry for Johnny. Frank had a few guesses as to why, but, much like she'd known more about Frank than he thought he'd let on, he had a feeling she knew more about Johnny than anyone else did. Even Jimmy. Maybe especially Jimmy. "No, Frank. This has nothing to do with jealousy. This has to do with stopping you… Falling down the rabbit hole."

Frank caught the reference immediately. Alice in Wonderland. Clever. He took a second to marvel at the fact that she even sort of had the Alice in Wonderland look going… If Alice had been a vaguely punky 20-something year old. But he didn't focus on that too long. He thought about what she'd meant.

And he realised she'd summed up all the thoughts and fears he'd been having. He was scared he was about to fall into something, somewhere strange, mad even, and he'd have no way of getting out. But there was something else that scared him even more. "I don't want to leave." He said.

Frank could feel himself shaking, realising what he'd just said, what it meant.

Even with someone physically offering a way out, he wasn't going to take it.

Alice sighed, she had that sad look again, and now Frank thought maybe he understood a little of what the look was about. "I'd hoped you wouldn't say that." She said.

Then she turned, started heading back inside. Paused, came back to Frank.

Alice stood a lot closer to him, startling him at first, until he was more distracted by the hand she placed on his cheek. Frank had no choice but to look at her, to see her staring, intently at him, studying him.

For a crazy moment, Frank wondered if a second person was going to kiss him tonight.

"So innocent." Alice said. Frank frowned, ready to ask what she meant, but by then, Alice had moved away and disappeared inside.

He had no idea how long he'd been standing out there, still thinking over what Alice had said, still thinking over his own decisions, when a hand landed on his shoulder, a voice snapping him out of his thoughts, making him jump.

"There you are, Frank. Thought maybe you'd run away from me."

Frank turned around, smiling in what he'd hoped would seem a normal, casual way. He had a feeling it was a little bit strained. Saint Jimmy didn't seem to notice though.

"I-" Frank began. "No. I just stayed out here a while, that's all." God he sounded lame, but nothing else came to mind. Jimmy grinned, slipping an arm around Frank, drawing him close. "Good. Because, I was wondering…" Jimmy trailed off, leaving Frank waiting, nervously to hear what was coming. He thought he had an idea.

Jimmy leaned in, his mouth practically touching Frank's ear, "How about you come home with me tonight?" It was exactly what Frank had thought. But it still managed to shock him. He didn't realise that Jimmy was still talking. "I've got some… There's some things we can do back at my place, not so easy to do here, even around friends."

Fuck.

Okay, now would be a really good time to come up with an excuse, leave and, basically, take Alice's advice. If ever there was going to be one last way out, this was it. All he had to do was say

"Okay." Frank nodded. His voice came out small, though he realised the magnitude of it. Jimmy smiled, wider, kissing Frank on the cheek. "Great!" He exclaimed.

They were already leaving, Jimmy leading Frank easily, when they heard the shout behind them. "Hey! Jimmy! Where're you going?"

They both turned, saw Johnny, a smile forced on his face for Jimmy's benefit. But Frank noticed Johnny's eyes kept wandering to the arm Jimmy still had around him. A little vindictive streak crept into Frank then, he reached up to the hand on his shoulder, taking it in his own. Johnny saw, and his eyes widened briefly. Frank knew he'd got the reaction he'd wanted, even if he couldn't figure out why he'd wanted it. Jimmy's only reaction however, was to squeeze Frank's hand gently, which, again, got the not so subtle reaction from Johnny. "We're going back to mine, Johnny." Jimmy told him, smoothly. "Is that okay by you?" There was an edge to Jimmy's voice now, an annoyance, he was testing Johnny, daring him to argue.

Johnny looked between Frank and Jimmy, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't push Jimmy further, in the end though, he couldn't help it. "But Jimmy I-"

"Give us a moment, would you, Frank?" Jimmy said, sharply, though Frank knew the anger wasn't aimed at him. Frank nodded, letting go of Jimmy's hand, allowing the other man to untangle his arm from around his shoulders.

He watched, awkwardly, as Jimmy grabbed Johnny by his shirt, dragging him a short way away.

Not that Frank missed much of the conversation.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Jimmy hissed.

"My problem?! Jimmy, what the fuck do you think you're doing? You're going back to your apartment, _our _apartment with-" Johnny was cut off as Jimmy smacked him. Frank flinched, and took note that he never wanted to give Jimmy a reason to hit him like that.

"OUR apartment?" Jimmy demanded. "I'll tell you what Johnny, when you start contributing, _then_ you get to call it yours, until then, you're a fucking guest. And as a guest you have no fucking say over who is there and who isn't."

"This isn't about the apartment, Jimmy…"

It was then that Jimmy softened. "Aww, baby." He cooed, leaning in closer to Johnny. "You really are cute when you're jealous." Johnny smiled slightly, nervously. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jimmy told him. Then, abruptly pulling away from Johnny, he called over to Frank, "Hey, Frankie, what'd you say to having someone join us, huh? Make it a party?"

Frank still didn't quite know what going back to Jimmy's place was going to entail, but, he knew there was only one right answer to this question. "Sounds fun to me, Jimmy." He said, a little shakily.

"Oh, it will be, I promise that." Jimmy said as he rejoined Frank, his arm slipping around him again, the other arm going around Johnny, who, Frank noticed, took a tight hold of Jimmy's hand.

Johnny pushed his way ahead of Frank once they headed up the stairs to Jimmy's apartment, Frank rolled his eyes but said nothing. If Johnny wanted to be a child, fine, Frank wasn't going to join in.

Jimmy opened the door, and Johnny bounded past him. "Fucking hell Johnny!" Jimmy snapped as he was nearly knocked over. "Sorry!" Johnny called.

Jimmy turned his attention to Frank, who now hesitated. He'd seen something, doodled on the wall beside the door. It was only small, but it was perfectly detailed.

A white rabbit.

_Follow the white rabbit_.

Oh for fucks sake…

"Oh yeah." Jimmy said, following Frank's gaze to the creature on the wall. "Alice thinks she's a fucking artist. I told her great, just don't doodle on my shit, so what does she do? Doodle outside my fucking door. Women. Honestly."

So it was Alice's… Somehow Frank got the idea this wasn't just a random piece of art, it was a message, a symbol.

Frank chose to ignore it. "It's good." He said, finally taking his eyes off it. Jimmy smiled. "Don't you fucking tell her that, it'll only encourage her." A wink told Frank he was only joking.

"Now, c'mon Frankie, you didn't come here to stare at my door." Jimmy stood aside, allowing Frank the room to step in.

The place was tiny.

Directly in front of him was a couch (on which Johnny was already sprawled out on), a TV directly across from it. On the wall opposite the door where stacks of magazines, CD's, DVD's, a CD player balanced on top of some of the magazines. The wall itself was a dirty cream, and here and there were 'artistic' touches. Drawings, doodles, scrawled words and writings. Fairly high up, in big letters were the words 'I never liked you either!" And, near the centre, in red "rage and love". There was much more too, but Frank couldn't quite take it all in. Off to the right was a small archway, and just inside it, Frank could see a mattress on the floor, a couple of off white pillows and a light blue blanket strewn across it. Past that there was a kitchen, simple, but with untidy clutter making it look fuller. A large window which would bring in a lot of light if it wasn't night time almost filled the wall furthest to Frank's right. Set in the wall to his left was a small door, which, since everything else was accounted for, Frank could only assume led to the bathroom.

The floor was dark wood, with various scratches and gouges in it.

Somehow this wasn't the type of place Frank had expected Saint Jimmy to live.

"Home sweet home, Frankie." Jimmy said, gleefully as he pushed past, after shutting the door behind him. Frank watched as Jimmy joined Johnny on the couch, hitting his legs and scolding him for taking up all the room. Jimmy held out a hand to Frank, encouraging him over. He felt Johnny watching him as he settled next to Jimmy, a bit too close even for his own liking, but somehow, eventually, they relaxed into each others company. If this was all Jimmy was after… A little company, well. There wasn't anything so terrible about that, was there?

They must've been there an hour, flipping through channels, half watching TV, before Jimmy got up, headed for the kitchen.

Frank looked over at Johnny, questioningly. Johnny grinned. "This is where the real fun starts."

Frank was even more confused, until he saw Jimmy returning, a collection of things bundled in his arms, he sat, cross-legged on the floor, setting everything down, then started to set it all up.

"Want some help, Jimmy?" Johnny asked, eagerly.

"Nope." Frank was just staring, watching Jimmy. He should've known. Drugs, it was always drugs with Jimmy wasn't it? Only this time, they were stepping it up a level, harder drugs now.

Frank's eyes landed on the needles and he wondered if there was an excuse he could come up with that was good enough so one of those didn't end up in his arm.

Johnny was off the couch, kneeling near to where Jimmy was working, "Oh c'mon Jimmy, it'll be quicker if I help.""You'll fuck it up. Somehow. Again." Jimmy replied, not taking his eyes off his works. "That was once!" Johnny protested. "Answers no Johnny, deal with it."

A few moments later, then Jimmy was calling Frank over. Hesitantly, Frank slid off the couch, moved down on his knees, close to where Jimmy was sitting.

Jimmy looked up at him, smiling, bringing one of the syringes up to eye level. "Know what this is?" Jimmy asked. Frank shook his head, finding himself staring at the liquid inside, transfixed by it. "Fucking beautiful, that's what it is." Jimmy told him. "I know, I know, we're skipping a few steps here, but c'mon Frankie, I'm offering you the best here, you're not going to turn me down, are you?" When Frank didn't answer right away, Jimmy moved closer, taking Frank's hand, his thumb making soothing circles on the back of Frank's hand. "It'll be _so_ good." Jimmy promised.

Despite all the voices in his head, telling him not to, Frank nodded, and Jimmy's smile grew.

Jimmy told him to lean back, against the couch, so Frank obeyed, closing his eyes as he waited for Jimmy. He felt Jimmy's fingers curl around his arm, and he tried to keep calm despite knowing what was coming.

"Jimmy…" Johnny said, a sulky tone creeping into his voice. "Why are you letting Frank go first? You always-"

"Quit your fucking whining Johnny." Jimmy snapped at him. "This is Frank's first time, only right I'm good to him." Frank felt a hand against his cheek, stroking, it didn't quite distract him though."Fucks sake Jimmy, you make it sound like you're going to fuck him or something." Johnny grumbled, making Frank's stomach knot slightly. Then he felt the pinch in his arm, taking away any thoughts other than that, other than the substances working into him.

Shit. Was it really working already?Frank was aware of Jimmy letting him go, kissing him lightly on the lips, then moving away. Apparently to see to Johnny before he started complaining more.

Frank was lost, utterly lost, but he didn't fucking care.

He didn't remember much else after that, and what little he did remember didn't make much sense.

All that was certain was that at some point he'd got back up on the couch, fallen asleep.

When he woke up it was dark, almost all the lights out in the apartment, and, suddenly, Frank felt very alert. In the seconds it took him to regain consciousness, he'd sobered completely. He remembered where he was quickly enough, and so calmed once he knew and understood his surroundings.

It was then that he heard it.

Fast, heavy breathing, an odd smacking kind of sound.

Groans of pleasure, and of pain.

Allowing his eyes to adjust to the gloom, Frank then dared a look across the apartment.

Though he'd kinda guessed it, he was shocked by what he saw.

Jimmy and Johnny…

On the bed. Together.

Frank blinked, rapidly, as if that was going to take the images away. The real solution would be to look away, to close his eyes, turn back to face the couch and hope to fall asleep again soon.

He couldn't though. He felt sick, but he couldn't look away.

So much naked skin, both pale, making them stand out even more in the darkness. It might just have been because the light (what little there was) was directly on him, but Jimmy looked paler.

Frank guessed it was because Jimmy's business relied on the darkness of night, he rarely had cause to go out in the day.

He continued to stare, knowing he shouldn't, even knowing that he didn't really want to, but it was like he was transfixed.

This was sex, in real life. Not on a screen, but real.

There seemed to be something so… Uncomfortable looking about it, on both parts. But while he occasionally heard sharp little breaths from Johnny, indicating pain, it was more often moans of pleasure.

Jimmy, on the other hand, clearly had none of even the small problems Johnny was having, this was all pleasure for him and geez was he fucking loud about it! Frank was suddenly uncomfortably certain it was Jimmy who'd woken him up.

That's when it occurred to him… Did they even remember he was here? It was a small apartment, but possibly the drugs had-

Suddenly Jimmy looked up, straight at Frank, causing Frank's mind to stall momentarily.

Oh. Jimmy remembered he was there alright.

Without altering his pace even slightly, Jimmy grinned at Frank, then, to further confuse, Jimmy winked. Frank turned away abruptly then, his mind suddenly racing again.

He had so many questions, so many thoughts on what he'd seen, on what was still happening behind his turned back.

But there was one thought that stood out, and that he wanted to bury completely.

He was wondering, just a little, what it would be like to be in Johnny's place…

By the time Frank woke up again, Johnny was gone, and Jimmy was passed out on the bed, still naked and sprawled out with limbs at weird angles, the blanket covering the lower half of him at least.

Frank wasn't sure if he was meant to wait around for Jimmy to wake up and then say goodbye, but, by the looks of it, Jimmy waking up was some time away. And it seemed like Johnny had left without ceremony.

Frank decided that was a good plan.

He left in a hurry.

But he was back again within the week, more people over that time, including Alice, who Frank saw drawing another white rabbit, this time hidden into the graffiti like wall.

The drugs became ever more a part of Frank's life, and, therefore, so did Jimmy. He spent more and more time either at the bar or at Jimmy's place, it seemed like he was rarely home. And, apart from having to dodge the evil glares and hateful comments from Johnny, and despite the nagging feeling that he was in serious trouble, Frank felt like life was pretty fucking good right about now.

That was, until the one day he couldn't pay Jimmy.

They were at Saint Jimmy's apartment, just the two of them for once, Frank had come over to tell him. Well. To tell him he needed the drugs but he couldn't pay Jimmy, not yet. He would though, he'd pay him as soon as he could, just not right now.

Saint Jimmy smiled at him, taking Frank's face in his hands. "Oh, angel. It doesn't work like that, I'm afraid. If I don't get paid… You don't get the drugs, got it?"

He needed them badly though. He knew he'd got himself in too deep, let things spiral out of control, but he couldn't help that now.

Frank didn't know when, but eventually he ended up on his knees, pleading with Saint Jimmy to change his mind, just once, for him?

"Shh, hush now Frankie, it's okay." Saint Jimmy said, soothingly, kneeling down with Frank now, taking him in close, holding him, stroking his hair, comforting him.

"There are… Alternatives."


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N - hey guys! Phew I'm kinda busy lately, huh? :D Thank you as always for reading.**

**Well this chapter is... It's nasty. Really nasty. Damn, I'm being so mean to Frank this chapter...  
I'll make it up to him though. Soon.**

**Thank you so much to my reviewers! **

**Gasoline Diamond - Yep. Pretty much. **

**ChemicalTeardrop - Uh huh, straight from American Idiot. And oh yeah, Frank really should've walked away...**

**I want to say a HUGE thank you to my super awesome beta, Nightangel (dude, I can't remember if that's your username on here, I'm sure there's a '1' floating around, but you know who you are) for being awesome :D**

**Right, well, better get this up as I'm off on holiday in the morning, and I need sleep!  
Yes, even though I'll be away, I'll be writing, don't you worry ;)**

**Well, I hope you guys enjoy this, and reviews are always very welcome :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own MCR, or Saint Jimmy**

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Saint Jimmy stood again, letting Frank go, leaving him on his knees. Frank looked up, watching him, hopeful.

Then Saint Jimmy unzipped his jeans.

Frank felt himself physically freeze. He must've looked scared too, as Saint Jimmy reached down, a hand stroking, lovingly through his hair. "Don't look so worried, Frank, nothing painful about this. And don't tell me you're inexperienced? Pretty face like that…" His hand stroking across Frank's cheek, his thumb just grazing over his lips. As Frank continued to watch, Saint Jimmy tugged his jeans down, then, reaching in, liberated himself finally.

"I- I-" Frank stuttered. "Aww." Jimmy cooed, one hand on Frank's shoulder, the other very, very lightly stroking himself, preparing himself. Frank couldn't stop staring. "You really haven't done this before, have you?" Frank shook his head. "It's real easy." Saint Jimmy told him, "I'll help you."

Frank didn't want to do it, but what choice did he have? Jimmy told him to open his mouth, so Frank obeyed.

"Since this is your first time, I'll go slow." Ever a man of his word, Saint Jimmy took his time sliding into Frank's mouth.

Jimmy moaned, loudly.

"Now, baby, you take your time, okay? Go at whatever speed you like, just- Just-" He grabbed Frank's hair instead of finishing his sentence, guiding Frank through the first few strokes, then finally leaving it to him, once he got the idea.

Saint Jimmy came, and the second it touched his tongue, Frank wanted to spit it out immediately, but Jimmy still had him by the hair, and wouldn't let him go, not until he was done.

"God you're fucking good Frankie." Saint Jimmy gasped, finally releasing Frank, who dropped to the floor. Jimmy didn't help him up, instead he went over to the stack of CD's by the TV, grabbed some of the stash from behind there, then, as he walked back past, threw the stuff, double what Frank had been asking for actually, on the floor beside Frank.

Frank heard Saint Jimmy throw himself down on the couch, and finally made himself sit up again, snatch up the drugs. He didn't look at Jimmy as he said goodbye, he just hurried out the door.

He'd never felt so disgusted with himself, so ashamed.

Something told him this wasn't going to be the last of it though.

It wasn't, not by a long way. But he didn't find out what that meant for a few weeks.

After that first time, Frank hadn't gone to Jimmy for a couple of days, he was ashamed of what'd happened. But when he finally did go to The Phoenix again, Jimmy acted like nothing had happened. He hugged Frank, kissed him on the cheek then asked him where he'd been. "Just… Um. Nowhere." Frank had muttered back. Jimmy grinned at him, knowingly, the only hint that he even remembered what'd gone on. "Well, you're here now, Frankie… Need anything from me?"

Frank had been scared to say yes, but he did. He had money though, and Jimmy didn't press for anything other than that.

Until the next time. Frank ran out sooner than expected, so he didn't have the money on him. Again, he was scared to approach Jimmy, even tried to avoid him, but Jimmy knew what Frank needed, what he wanted.

So Jimmy got what he wanted, Frank on his knees again.

Soon Saint Jimmy stopped accepting money from Frank, even when he could pay.

"I don't want your money, sweetheart." He'd say, already unzipping his jeans.

Then, eventually, even that wasn't good enough for Jimmy anymore.

"Jimmy… I- I have money today, really. Wouldn't you rather-?" Saint Jimmy grabbed Frank by the arm, pulling him down onto the couch, Frank landed clumsily, nearly falling into Jimmy's lap, which obviously made Saint Jimmy grin. "From you, angel?" Saint Jimmy purred. "No. I can get money anyplace, money is common. It's everywhere, it passes from one person to the next, like a common whore." Frank flinched, trying to back away as Saint Jimmy leaned into him. "You? You're my sweet little angel, pure, all mine, only mine." Frank's back was pressed against the arm of the couch, Saint Jimmy practically on top of him. Jimmy leaned in, kissed him, lightly. He ran his tongue over Frank's slightly parted lips. "Nothing and no one's been inside this mouth except me. That makes you a lot more fucking special than filthy, common money."

Frank had known there'd been no point in asking, but he'd had to. He hated himself a little more every time he did this.

Saint Jimmy pushed himself off Frank, laid down the other end of the couch. He let one leg hang off the side, the other he bent at the knee. Staring, grinning at Frank he reached down between his legs, touching himself. "C'mon, angel, you know you want to." He didn't, but he didn't have a choice. Frank sat up, moved down to Saint Jimmy, awaiting instructions. Saint Jimmy grabbed his hand, placing it where his own had been. "The quicker you get me hard, the quicker you can get me in you. You do like that, don't you, angel?" Frank nodded, but couldn't say anything. "I didn't quite catch that, Frankie, a little louder, please." Frank closed his eyes, swallowed hard. "Yes. Jimmy. I do." He could feel Jimmy, beneath his hand, through the fabric, getting hard. Suddenly Saint Jimmy pushed his hand away, and for the smallest of seconds Frank thought maybe he'd been let off. But then he saw Jimmy was merely undoing his belt, unzipping his jeans. Once again Frank was presented with Saint Jimmy's dick, and he knew what was expected of him.

Still, he hesitated. Two seconds too long for Jimmy.

Frank found himself yanked down, even if he'd wanted to think about it any longer he couldn't. Jimmy filled his mouth too quickly and it took all self control not to gag.

A few minutes in, then Saint Jimmy grabbed him by the hair, pulling his head up. "Stop. Stop. No, Frankie, I want- I want more from you now." Frank was confused, what exactly did Saint Jimmy want?

One foot pushed Frank off the couch, and he nearly landed on the floor, caught himself just in time. "Get to the bed." Jimmy told him.

Frank looked over. The bed could hardly be called that. It was a mattress, with thin pillows and thinner sheets, Frank had only seen it being used as a bed once, by Johnny, and he had no idea how he'd slept on such a thing. Mostly people used it for sitting, or possibly splayed out, too high to care.

Still, he did as he was told, at least it would be more comfortable than the couch, Frank had been curled up awkwardly on the couch as he sucked Jimmy, and it'd be a hell of a lot more comfortable than knelt on the floor, his jeans had holes already and the hard wood floor hurt Frank's knees.

Frank sat himself carefully down on the end of the mattress, watching as Saint Jimmy got up to follow. He was touching himself, lightly, again. "Get undressed." Saint Jimmy told him, flatly. Frank stared. This wasn't the way things normally went.

"Didn't you hear me?" Jimmy asked, shimming out of his jeans and underwear.

"I did." Frank admitted, shakily. "I just don't-""Get undressed, naked, Frankie, now."

Unsteadily and uncertainly. Frank did as he was told, Pulling off his shirt, kicking off his shoes, wiggling out of his jeans, finally he was just in his underwear, and Jimmy smiled. "I said naked, angel."

Feeling cold, in more ways than one, Frank slipping off his final article of clothing, standing, for a second, in front of Saint Jimmy, who smiled approvingly. Frank saw Jimmy's eyes wander over him, seeing everything. He sat back down again, quickly, pulling his knees up close to his chest, trying to hide.

Saint Jimmy had pulled his own shirt off now, and he was walking, boldly, towards Frank. Finally he crouched down, beside him. "Now. Lie down on your front for me."

Frank stared at him, more scared than ever. He knew what that meant, he knew what Jimmy wanted from him.

"C'mon Frank." Jimmy whispered, leaning into him, breathing the words onto his neck. "Lie down, baby." A hand on his shoulder, a small, but demanding shove.

Slowly Frank turned, carefully laying out on the bed, oddly grateful Jimmy had told him to lay on his front, he had a feeling he'd feel even more exposed if he was laid out on his back.

The mattress shifted as Saint Jimmy moved over to him, Jimmy kneeling by his feet. Involuntarily Frank curled his toes. Then he felt Jimmy's hands on the back of his knees, stroking down his calves. "Open up angel, gotta let me in." Then Jimmy gently pushed his legs apart, sliding between them, moving closer.

One hand on Frank's back, one smoothing over his ass. "Looks sweet." Jimmy murmured, his thumb stroking, teasing along the crack, not penetrating at all, not yet, but still Frank had to fight back the urge to squirm away.

Jimmy bent down, kissing the back of his neck, working down his back, his thumb still gently moving, beginning to nudge into him, twisting occasionally.

Frank closed his eyes, tight, it was starting to get uncomfortable now, it was starting to go in too far. And he was very aware that if this hurt it was going to be so much worse when Jimmy finally got to pushing his dick inside him.

It was the first time Frank had had sex with a man (and, actually, the furthest he'd ever got with a girl was that one time at a party. Both drunk, in one of the rooms upstairs, she'd sucked him, wanted nothing in return. Frank hadn't really been able to enjoy it, there had been no lock on the door and he was certain someone was going to walk in) and Saint Jimmy clearly revelled in being the first.

"Baby, you gotta relax." He purred. "I'm never gonna fit in there if you don't relax." Jimmy pushed his thumb in a little more, and Frank cried out. "Okay, okay, shh, baby." Jimmy soothed, drawing out slowly. "No more like that, okay? I can make this better for you, I promise." Frank didn't believe him, but nodded anyway. A bit of shuffling around, Jimmy was getting something. Then a pop of a lid.

"This may still hurt a little." Jimmy told him, one cool, slick finger slid inside him. Frank screwed his eyes shut tighter, feeling every bit as Jimmy moved deeper. "Good, good." Jimmy said, assuring, "You're doing so good angel." He drew the finger slowly out, then, quicker, he pushed back in with two. It was almost a scream that ripped out of Frank that time. Oh God that _hurt_. "Shh, shh." Jimmy said, stroking his hair, lovingly. "It's okay baby." But it wasn't, it hurt so fucking bad and it was so uncomfortable and Frank was feeling more and more ashamed and humiliated as it went on. Jimmy was working his fingers in and out now, stretching him out, occasionally twisting his fingers as they went in, spreading them once they were deep inside. "Jimmy…" Frank said, uneasily. "Please. Stop, I can't-""Hush, angel, I haven't even got to the good bit yet."

Jimmy did his best, really, he didn't want to hurt Frank, but there was never going to be much getting around that, in truth. As careful and as slow as he went, it didn't stop Frank from crying out, screaming just a little. Then he bit down on his own lip to keep quiet. Saint Jimmy had felt big in his mouth. He felt impossibly large now. Frank was certain he'd be injured, possibly torn. He thought he felt blood on his thigh, but it could've been sweat or just his imagination.

He didn't quite hear Saint Jimmy's exclamations, though he got the gist. Jimmy thought he was good, tight, this was bliss for Jimmy.

When Saint Jimmy was done, he pulled out, rolled onto his back. Then, after a second, "I'll get you those drugs now."

Frank couldn't move. He was sure he'd hurt later but now he just felt numb. And sick.

Saint Jimmy had said he wasn't a whore, but he had a feeling that was exactly what he'd just become.

When Saint Jimmy came back from the kitchen, he picked up Frank's discarded jeans, putting the earned merchandise in the back pocket. "Put them in there, sweetheart, so you don't forget when you leave."

Leave. All Frank wanted to do right now was leave. He just wanted to disappear.

But that required movement…

He moved his legs slightly, worried they'd feel too heavy, but they didn't. Pleased by his ability to move, he turned over, onto his back, wincing slightly as he did.

Frank looked over and saw that Saint Jimmy had sprawled back out on the couch again, he'd slipped some underwear on, but nothing else. He had a cigarette between his lips, a small smile forming around the stick. Jimmy's eyes were closed.

Frank pushed himself up so he was sitting, then slowly started to reach for his clothes, putting them back on again. As he pushed back the covers to get his jeans on, something on the bed caught his eye. The mattress itself was an off-white, but something was standing out against that now. Something-

It was blood.

Frank felt his hands shaking, and he hurried up in his getting dressed. He had to get out of there. Now.

"Leaving so soon, angel?" The voice startled Frank, and he looked up, expecting to see Jimmy staring at him. But he hadn't moved, except to take the cigarette out of his mouth, his eyes remained closed.

"I- I- Um…" Frank stammered. "It's normal to bleed, by the way." Jimmy said, casually. How had Jimmy know what Frank had seen? Or maybe he hadn't, lucky guess.

Now Saint Jimmy opened his eyes, and he grinned at Frank. "All virgins do their first time." That was it.

"Uh huh." Frank muttered, getting to his feet, checking his pockets quickly, making sure he at least had what he'd come for. Then he was hurrying to the door, Saint Jimmy calls of goodbye and promises to see him soon were left without reply.

But then, Saint Jimmy never actually needed a reply.

Frank couldn't remember getting home, couldn't remember getting into bed that night. The next thing he remembered was waking up in the morning, feeling sick for reasons he couldn't quite remember yet.

Then it all slowly started to come back.

Going to Saint Jimmy. Offering money, being told no.

On the couch.

On the bed.

Naked and-

Frank groaned, curling in on himself as it all suddenly washed over him, everything, everything from last night came flooding back.

He dragged his hands through his hair, tangling his fingers up in it, pulling on it, almost like he was trying to get at the images inside his head, scratch them out.

Shit.

He'd had sex. With Saint Jimmy.

He'd let Saint Jimmy fuck him.

He'd lost his virginity to Saint Jimmy.

And right now he wasn't sure if he wanted to scream or cry.

Frank laid back down again, curling up on his side, pulling the covers right over his head. But it didn't stop the memories from coming. Hands on his skin, lips on his skin, soft whispers in his ear and-

Oh fuck he hurt.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This wasn't how he'd been supposed to 'lose it'. He wouldn't call himself an overly sentimental person (though, deep down he knew he was) but…

It wasn't even that his first time had been with a guy, though that really hadn't been something he'd considered. Not until he met Saint Jimmy anyway. Since that time he'd witnessed Jimmy and Johnny together he hated to admit he'd often wondered what it would be like… Being with Jimmy like that.

Now he guessed he knew.

And he realised how wrong he'd been. How wrong it all had been.

Yes he liked Jimmy, in a more than friends kinda way. Yes, he wanted Jimmy. And yes, in an odd sort of way, he looked up to Jimmy, was in awe of Jimmy but…

Somehow, he knew, that wasn't enough.

It shouldn't have been Jimmy.

Frank hardly moved from his bed all day. He denied himself food, ignoring the stomach cramps, at least that distracted him from the other, very distinct pain which he didn't want to think about, but couldn't help thinking about.

He even tried denying himself the drugs he'd traded his virginity for, but, eventually, the idea of maybe, just maybe forgetting what'd happened through 'medication' became too tempting.

The next time Frank went to The Phoenix, he found he couldn't look Jimmy in the eye, and as for Johnny… He practically wanted to beg Johnny for forgiveness. Tell him that he regretted it, he was sorry. He shouldn't have slept with Jimmy, even though he hadn't had much choice.

But the look of hate Johnny gave him when they first saw each other was even worse than usual. Johnny knew what'd happened, Frank was certain it was even Jimmy who'd told him. _Probably went into great detail… Probably told him exactly how I look, how I feel. Probably told him that was my first time._

He knew Johnny hated him more than ever, and there was no way Frank could even think about talking to him, let alone asking for the forgiveness he knew he'd never get.

He waited until Johnny left before approaching Jimmy.

"Frankie!" Jimmy exclaimed, beaming brightly. "Now, now, I haven't seen or heard from you since-" He made a great show of pausing, of looking around, pretending like he'd nearly been caught out, though Frank knew he'd done it on purpose. "Come and sit, Frank. C'mon." Jimmy said, patting the seat next to him, which Frank moved onto, but barely perched. He wasn't planning on staying long tonight, he felt too uncomfortable. "Umm… Jimmy. I, uh… I just came by because…" Frank still couldn't look at Jimmy, but he could feel the smile on the Saint's face.

Jimmy laughed as he figured out what Frank was trying to get at. "Fucking hell, Frankie. What did you do? Take them all at once? Tryin' to fucking OD on me, huh?" Jimmy was only teasing, but it made Frank flinch to hear him say that anyway. Frank shook his head. "No. I just-""It's okay Frank, now c'mon, I'll hook you up. You know I always will." He took Frank's hand, led him outside.

Out the back this time, and Jimmy had him pinned against the wall in seconds, his lips hot but soft as they pressed against Frank's.

Frank pushed him away quickly, with more force than he knew he had in him.

He expected Jimmy to be mad at him. To hit him like he'd seen him hit Johnny before. But when Frank looked up, finally looking at Jimmy for the first time tonight, Jimmy was still smiling, laughing in fact. "Aww, angel." He cooed. "What's wrong? Did the other night scare you?" Frank looked away again, feeling embarrassed.

Saint Jimmy came closer, too close, his body against Frank's, hands on his arms and mouth against his ear. "Haven't heard from you since, Frankie. I was getting worried about you. But then, your cherry being popped is something that needs a little getting over, huh, baby?"

Frank cringed, Jimmy was talking about it so casually, it made him even more uncomfortable. "Johnny saw it, y'know?" Jimmy continued. "The blood you left on my mattress. He asked what it was. I told him it was you." So Frank had been right. Jimmy had told Johnny.

Jimmy stroked his hand across Frank's cheek. "I've missed you Frank, but I understand why you disappeared, if only for a couple of days."

It was the kindness in Jimmy's voice that did it. That broke him down, Frank turned his head finally, to look at Jimmy, only to find Jimmy's mouth suddenly on his own.

Frank didn't push him away that time.

A few breathless seconds later and Frank felt a familiar tugging. Jimmy was trying to undo his belt. Well, not trying, succeeding.

He couldn't be thinking about having sex out here… Could he?It was Saint Jimmy. Of course he could.

"Jimmy." Frank said, catching a moment when his lips weren't silenced by Jimmy's. "No. I- Not out here. Please." "Shh." Jimmy soothed, hand stroking through Frank's hair. "Calm down baby. This'll be good. You'll enjoy this."

Frank's jeans were undone now, and he had a funny feeling he knew what Jimmy was up to.

His suspicions were confirmed when Jimmy's hand reached inside his underwear.

Frank gasped at the sudden contact, found himself awkwardly looking around, making sure no one else was out here. Was Jimmy crazy? They could get caught.

Then Jimmy's mouth caught his again and Frank couldn't focus on much else other than Jimmy's mouth, and hand. Jimmy was stroking him now, slowly, and Frank could feel himself getting hard, fast.

"I was so busy with your sweet cherry ass before" Jimmy told him, again whispering in Frank's ear. "I didn't get much of a chance to become acquainted with your dick. I must say." A quick, hot kiss and then Jimmy continued. "It was worth the wait." Jimmy moved back ever so slightly, his hand staying firmly on Frank.

Frank watched Jimmy, who, he could see, was looking down, watching himself working on Frank. Then he pressed closer again. "Oh fuck Frankie. You're so fucking hot. I think… I gotta break a few of my rules." Before Frank could ask, Jimmy was gone again, it took Frank a few seconds to realise he'd gone down.

He let out a much louder gasp as he felt Jimmy's lips around his dick, being slowly but beautifully swallowed. Frank opened his eyes, which he hadn't realised he'd closed, and saw Jimmy, knelt in front of him. This couldn't really be happening, could it? This wasn't how it worked.

That it was definitely what was happening. The roles were reversed, it was Jimmy giving the pleasure for once.

While one hand tried to find something on the wall other than hard concrete to cling to, Frank's other hand instinctively reached down, grabbing onto Jimmy's hair, guiding him slightly, pushing him to go faster.

_I'm gonna come, really soon. Just a little more. Just a little longer. Please Jimmy._

Just when he could feel that very edge of euphoria, Jimmy stopped. Got back to his feet.

Frank felt like crying in frustration.

"I'm sorry angel." Jimmy told him. "I was already breaking a load of rules there, can't break another one." Rules? What rules? What _fucking _rules? Jimmy had never told Frank about any rules. Couldn't he at least know what it was they weren't supposed to be doing? (Other than the obvious)

Frank opened his eyes, staring at Jimmy, waiting for some kind of explanation.

He didn't get one.

Then Jimmy was slipping something into his pocket. "There you go, Frankie. Got what you want. This was fun for me too, so congratulations, no further payment needed."

Then he was gone.

Frank decided he wasn't going to stick around tonight, he was going straight home. He couldn't handle anymore.

He walked past the usual table of the usual suspects, feeling their eyes all on him.

How many of them knew?

He didn't stop, didn't look at any of them, he was nearly out the door when he felt someone's hand snag his elbow, trying to halt him. At first Frank assumed it was Saint Jimmy, and he weakly tried to shake him off. "No more games Jimmy, I can't take anymore tonight." He mumbled.

"Frank. Stop." He was surprised to hear Alice's voice reply instead. He turned around. The look of pity on her face made Frank feel both sad and angry. The anger won out. "Guess you know then." He snapped. Alice didn't reply, merely shifted her grip, taking Frank's hand, leading him back inside.

"Alice. No. I'm going home, I don't want-""Just be quiet and follow me, alright? Do not make a scene about this." Alice cut in, more sharply than Frank had expected from her. He backed down, silently nodded.

They went right to the back of the bar, Alice carefully dodging the group of Jimmy's adoring crowd.

Down where there was one long table, which was hardly ever used, and off to the right, was a door. Frank had never noticed it before. Alice let go of his hand briefly to dig out a set of keys in her jacket pocket. She opened the door, quickly shoving Frank inside and following him, pausing only to lock the door behind her again.

Frank gawped at the room he suddenly found himself in. It was… Gorgeous.

Reds and silver and black everywhere. The walls and ceiling were red, the carpet black. It was only quite a small room, no windows. But it was filled with fancy looking couches, and cushions, all in reds and blacks with silver trims and accents. There was a large, red velvet curtain up to the right of the room, something hidden behind it. A large light in the centre of the ceiling provided a dim light.

Frank wondered what the fuck this place was, why he'd never seen it before. And how come Alice had a key to it.

"Jimmy's extra exclusive 'VIP' area." Alice told him, answering one of the questions he hadn't asked aloud. "There's only two reasons people come in here, either because they've asked Jimmy, or if Jimmy told them to. Believe me. You don't want it to be because he told you to."

Frank felt a shiver run through him, wondering what Alice meant by that. Instead of asking that, he asked another question not yet answered. "Why do you have a key?" Alice smiled slightly. "Jimmy shares a lot of things with me." Frank went to question that further, but Alice interrupted. "Not in the way you're thinking, Frank. C'mon. Didn't we cover this before?" Yes, but it still didn't make sense to Frank. And he still had questions "Why-""Frank. Listen. I brought you in here because it's one place I'm pretty much guaranteed we won't get disturbed. Not even by Jimmy. I've locked the door from the inside so even if he wanted to get in, he can't."

"But-""Frank. This is important. You didn't listen to me last time, and look where it's got you. I'm telling you now, begging you. Please, Frank, you have to get away from Jimmy, get away from all of this." Frank couldn't help it. He laughed. "Yeah. Sure, because it's not like the worst hasn't already happened, right?"

"It hasn't, Frank. Believe me." "I guess I was wrong then!" Frank snapped. "I guess Jimmy didn't tell you after all, because if he had you'd know your little warning is coming a little too late." Alice shook her head. "It's not too late, please, listen to me.""I've already fucking sold myself to Jimmy!" Frank yelled. "I've been sucking him off for drugs for _weeks_ now. And, two fucking nights ago I finally made the full transition to whore by letting him fuck me! Now tell me it's not too late for me, Alice, go on! Tell me it's not too late." Somehow, without Frank noticing, tears of anger and humiliation had started rolling down his cheeks. His hands were in fists, he wanted to scream, and he felt like his legs were about to give out under him.

Alice came to him, catching him in her arms just as he started to fall. She held him close, a hand on his back, rubbing comforting circles. "I know. I knew all that, but not because Jimmy told me." Alice said, softly.

"So how can you say it's not too late?" Frank asked, his voice quiet and weak now.

"Because it's not."

Frank shivered suddenly. "You mean…""It gets worse Frank." But Frank shook his head, disbelieving. How could it get any worse?

Then he slowly pushed away from Alice, taking in the room again. There was something about it suddenly that seemed… Off.

"Alice." He said, slowly. "Why did you bring me in here?" Looking straight at Frank, seriously, unblinking she replied. "So you'd see where you're heading."

Frank shook his head, denying what he'd already figured out. "No. He wouldn't.""Frank. Please." "No!" Frank headed past Alice, to the door now, trying the handle which he knew was locked. "Let me out of here, Alice. Right. Now." Alice was there, one hand over both of his on the door handle, the other holding up the key. If Alice hadn't trapped both of this hands, Frank would've grabbed it off her. "I'll let you out, if you promise me you'll listen to me and run away from here, away from Jimmy. Please. I can't watch this happen to you too." "Why? Why do you care so much?" Frank demanded. But Alice didn't reply, she was too busy unlocking the door. "Just promise me, Frank. Please?" As Alice opened the door, Frank looked right at her, saw how much she wanted him to do this, to get away, to save himself.

And he shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I don't know how."

He almost ran home, forcing himself to sleep early, only way he thought he could get away from everything.

But Saint Jimmy didn't even leave him alone in his dreams.

And meanwhile the rest of his world was also slowly breaking down. His employer wasn't so impressed by him anymore. Frank wasn't turning up on time, sometimes not turning up at all. He wasn't working as hard, sometimes he did nothing all day, he'd even been caught sleeping out the back a few times. He was just so tired, all the time.

Frank seemed to remember someone mentioning that to him. That hanging around Saint Jimmy would do that to you. Even just being in the same room as Saint Jimmy. He's like a ball of energy, and he draws energy from other people, even if all you're doing is sitting around his apartment.

Then of course there were the times he was so obviously high at work, for a long time his boss let it slide, even tried to talk to him, reason with him.

"Frank. Come on, you're a good kid, you were a hard worker, don't throw all that away." Frank had ignored him. "I know, I know you think you know better than me, you're young and you know everything right? But trust me on this, you're heading down a dark path, and if you're not careful, it might become too late to turn back.""It already is." Frank mumbled, pushing past the old man to get out the door, he still had fifteen minutes of his shift but he couldn't stand listening anymore. Couldn't stand hearing his boss telling him all the things he already knew.

Frank went to The Phoenix, again. It was always either there or straight to Jimmy's apartment. He didn't feel like going there right now though. Not after last night.

The previous night Saint Jimmy had called him up, told him to come over. So, naturally, he did.

Saint Jimmy had answered the door in just his jeans. No shirt, bare feet, just his skinny black jeans.

An arm had gone around Frank, pulling him inside.

"I- I'm good right now Jimmy." Frank said, uneasily. His eyes wandered over to the bed, vaguely recalling, only a week ago, when Saint Jimmy had told him to lay himself out there, exposed, vulnerable. He remembered Saint Jimmy deep in him, claiming him. Frank didn't want to think about it anymore, that he'd lost his virginity to Jimmy. The worst part was, Jimmy knew it, and was so proud of it. Now, more than ever, Frank was 'his'.

Even the beloved Johnny couldn't claim to have 'lost it' to Jimmy, and it was obvious that was something Johnny was jealous of. That someone else had that connection with Jimmy, and he didn't.

Saint Jimmy was acting like he hadn't heard Frank, which was possible, he often tuned out when what was being said didn't mesh with his ideas.

"I just got a sweet little score, but I mean little, only enough for two… Figured I'd give you first dibs." Jimmy's lips against his ear, from the sound of his voice, Jimmy was already on something, not that that was unusual. "You haven't asked Johnny yet?" Frank asked, though a part of him just really wanted to take Jimmy up on the offer. If Jimmy said something was good, you could bet it would be enough to blow your mind. Saint Jimmy rolled his eyes, waved his arm dismissively. "Johnny. Huh. Little bitch keeps turning me down. Thinks he's too fucking good for me, can you believe it?" Frank shook his head, and Saint Jimmy smiled, stroked a hand over Frank's cheek. "No, angel, this one's for you… If you're willing to pay, of course."

Frank felt the familiar creep of cold come over him. He didn't reply.

Jimmy's hand stroked down his chest now, snagging the fabric of his t-shirt slightly. "I need an answer Frankie."

Jimmy's mouth against his ear as he spoke, then his lips pressed against Frank's cheek, working slowly over his jaw line. Then Jimmy moved down to his neck, sucking softly.

Frank knew what was happening, he wasn't being given a choice, but Jimmy just wanted to hear him say it. A small nip to his neck and a hand fiddling with his belt and Frank found the words bursting out of him, involuntarily. "Yes, Jimmy. Whatever, whatever you want." He hated it, he hated the words, he hated the breathy way his voice sounded, hated the way his breathing had sped up, hated how he could feel the blood rushing through him a little quicker, the familiar feeling just beneath Jimmy's hand.

Jimmy, successful in his task of undoing Frank's belt, moved his hand down slightly, rubbing the front of his jeans a couple of times, waiting until he produced a moan from Frank. "Oh angel." Jimmy said, proudly. "Make that sound again and I might just come where I stand." Frank bit down on his lip, determined not to make any noise. Jimmy saw this and grinned. "Gonna play with me, huh, Frankie? Okay. We can play."

Frank found himself on his back, on the mattress, staring up at Saint Jimmy as he undid Frank's jeans, pulled them off him, before getting to undoing his own.

Knelt at the end of the bed, knees slightly apart, Jimmy didn't take his eyes off Frank as he slipped out of his jeans, quickly followed by his boxers. Then Jimmy was above him, leaning over him, his knees either side of Frank's legs. His mouth on Frank's, demanding attention.

Frank wasn't quite sure when Jimmy got his boxers off him, only that he was suddenly aware that Jimmy had stopped kissing him, was looking down. Was looking at _him_.

Frank felt embarrassed and exposed, the fact he still had his t-shirt on making the nakedness from the waist down seem all the Jimmy was telling him to turn over, to get on his hands and knees. "And remember angel. Relax."

Jimmy didn't go as slow as last time, or as carefully. It was like he wanted to hurt Frank this time. Though his soothing words of comfort and encouragement seemed to disprove that.

Jimmy gave Frank the drugs straight away, taking his share while they still laid on the bed, covers draped over their lower bodies. Frank decided to join him. Figuring it'd take his mind off what'd just happened. Take his mind off the pain.

It didn't stop after that, every time he wanted something from Jimmy, Jimmy insisted on sex. The worst part of it was, there was a part of Frank that enjoyed it, that liked being with Jimmy. He hated himself more for that than he did for trading sex for drugs.

Every now and then though, Frank would think back to that room. The room Alice had shown him. Full of red and black and silver and an air of very bad things.

But Jimmy had never taken him there, had never even mentioned it. Maybe Alice had been worrying unnecessarily, maybe, whatever happened in that room, wasn't going to happen to Frank.

He, unfortunately, was eventually proved wrong on that.

He'd been there for hours already, Jimmy had already given him what he needed, but hadn't asked for anything in return, which struck Frank as odd, but maybe he felt like giving Frank a break for once? Unlikely, but possible. Saint Jimmy was unpredictable after all.

Jimmy had pulled Frank up onto his lap, something that originally made Frank uncomfortable, especially as he was certain everyone was staring. But, eventually he relaxed, and let Jimmy take his hand up in one of his own, playing gently with Frank's fingers.

Frank was even enjoying the attention, for once sweet and gentle. Perhaps because Johnny wasn't around, it meant Jimmy didn't have to play up for anyone. This wasn't a show.

Frank didn't pay the man walking into the bar any attention, but Jimmy did. He looked up, smiled. And the man looked back, a quick glance at Frank, but then focusing on Saint Jimmy, and nodded.

Now Frank took notice. He twisted around slightly, to look at Saint Jimmy, to ask who that man was. It wasn't someone Frank had seen around the bar before, and he was pretty sure he'd met everyone from the gang of followers Jimmy had. But this guy?

Before Frank could get the question out, Jimmy patted his leg, gently. "Okay Frankie, jump off. Got some business to attend to." Frank did as he was told, occupying the seat Jimmy had just vacated. He turned in his chair to watch Jimmy go. Saw him meet the man half way, shake his hand. Brief conversation. Then Jimmy was leading him somewhere.

Frank watched, suddenly realising where he was going.

He saw Jimmy walk right to the back of the bar, go to where he knew _that_ room was, open the door and step inside, the guy following close behind.

Frank turned around again, trying not to think about what he'd seen.

_Someone else is going to be taken in there. Maybe someone already is in there. _

He thought of the room, with all it's lush fittings and beautiful, rich colours, comfortable looking seats.

And that curtain. That curtain.

And he shivered.

He was shaken out of his musings when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, and saw Saint Jimmy, smiling softly at him. "Come with me sweetheart."

And Frank was suddenly very sure of where he was going.

The nearer they got to the door, the sicker Frank felt.

_Maybe I've got this wrong, maybe it isn't what I think. Maybe- Maybe Alice was wrong. _

He knew he was just kidding himself though. It wasn't like he could stop it, he couldn't object, because then he'd have to explain to Jimmy how he knew what he did. And what if that got Alice in trouble? Alice had been so good to him, she'd tried so hard to warn him, to help him. But he couldn't be helped, didn't want to be warned. Didn't want to be saved.

He hadn't wanted to run, because he hadn't wanted to leave Saint Jimmy.

Now he wanted to run.

Saint Jimmy looked at Frank as they got to the door, seeming to sense Frank's hesitation. He said nothing however, merely retrieving a key, like the one Alice had, from his pocket.

Frank honestly could never figure out how Jimmy could fit so much stuff into his jeans pockets. His black jeans were skinny and fucking tight, yet Jimmy seemed able to keep his whole world in them. Money, merch, lighter, keys and fuck knows what else.

Frank knew he was just trying to distract himself with these thoughts. He just didn't want to think about going inside that room.

The room Jimmy was now leading him into.

"Well, Warren, this is who I was telling you about." Jimmy said as he shut the door.

Frank was too busy looking, trying not to look at the other man in the room, the man he'd caught a glimpse of out in the bar.

He was tall, slim, not as skinny as Jimmy, but not far off. He had short blonde hair and a soft, though vaguely unattractive face.

Frank couldn't help but be afraid of him.

Warren was openly staring at Frank, looking him up and down, giving Frank the uncomfortable feeling of being scrutinised, like he was something up for sale.

It struck him, with cold force, that was almost exactly it.

"A little… Little. Isn't he?" Warren said, coldly. His voice was sharp, but not unpleasant.

Jimmy placed an arm around Frank's shoulders. "What you got against 'little', huh, Ren?" He asked, with a grin. "Well. He's no Justin, is he?" Warren replied, haughtily. Jimmy let Frank go then, and marched up to Warren, glaring at him. "Justin, as you fucking know, is as good as fucking dead to me, and therefore you too. Now stop fucking pining after that low life traitor bitch and be grateful for what I'm offering you." Warren lowered his head, then nodded.

He looked past Jimmy, to Frank again, who was shaking slightly now.

"You said he's-?""Oh. Very."

Once again, Warren nodded. "Thank you Jimmy." "I should fucking think so." Jimmy muttered. Then, turning back to Frank, Jimmy smiled. "C'mon, angel, nothing to be scared of." He held out his hand.

And though Frank took his hand, he knew there was plenty to be afraid of.

Jimmy was leading him to the curtain.

"I'll call you when we're ready, Ren." Jimmy said as he pulled back the curtains, slowly revealing exactly what Frank had guessed, had feared was behind them.

A bed.

It was huge, a slightly darker red than the walls, same silver trimmings as the other furniture. Frank had the strong urge to back away from it, but Jimmy had shifted his grip lower, around Frank's waist now, holding him still. "Frank." He said, sternly. "That's enough. Now, you have a debt you need to pay off, and I have someone desperate to screw something pretty, you see how we come to this conclusion now, Frank?"

Frank was shaking his head, not because he didn't see, not because he didn't understand, but because he couldn't believe this was what Jimmy was asking of him.

Didn't Jimmy always say Frank was 'his'. Special. Not for anyone else.

Didn't he… Care?As he felt Jimmy tugging his clothes off him Frank realised, no. Jimmy didn't care at all.

"You think I'm being heartless, don't you?" Jimmy asked, in a way that made Frank wonder if Jimmy had read his mind, he remained silent. "You think I'm doing this for my own pleasure, huh? Well guess what Frankie, I hate this as fucking much as you do, alright. You were the last person I wanted to-" Jimmy broke off suddenly, stopping the flow of his emotions.

"No helping it. Now, baby, lay out on your front for me. Ren never did learn certain… Necessary things."

Naked, and feeling horribly exposed in every way, Frank still did as Jimmy asked, he couldn't see any other option anyway.

He felt Jimmy get on the bed, and get into a very familiar position at his feet.

And Frank, idly, remembered something else in Jimmy's jeans. Lube.

Jimmy's fingers inside him, and suddenly Frank realised how much he wished it was just Jimmy fucking him again.

The thought itself shocked him.

"You'll have to learn how to do this yourself, baby." Jimmy told him. "If you're ever with Ren again… He'll want you to. You've only been let off because it's your first." Then Jimmy paused, and Frank could almost feel the smile on his face. "After me, of course." Frank felt like begging then, pleading with Jimmy to change his mind. Frank thought back to the first time they'd had sex, when Jimmy had been so concerned about him, surely… Surely that meant something?

But, he knew it was no good. So, he laid there, still, waiting for it to get worse.

And it did get worse.

When Jimmy deemed him suitably prepared, he'd called out to Ren, told him Frank was ready.

Jimmy guided Frank up slightly. There was a headboard, and Jimmy told him to sit up slightly, lean on it.

Then Jimmy kissed him, lightly, on his temple. "For what it's worth… I wish you weren't doing this." Jimmy whispered, gently into his ear.

That almost made it worse.

Then Jimmy was gone, and Frank could feel someone else there. Shifting, getting closer, he felt hands on his hips, and then a slight pushing and then-

He couldn't help crying out.

"Fuck's sake Ren!" Jimmy snapped. "You never did learn patience, did you?" Frank opened his eyes, which he'd closed, tightly as soon as Jimmy had left him, and now he looked, he saw the curtain was left open, and Jimmy was sitting in one of the armchairs.

He was watching.

And fuck, Frank had felt like Jimmy had used him before. Now he knew exactly what he was.

He really was just a toy to Jimmy.

And he knew, though Jimmy said he didn't want this, Frank knew this wouldn't be the last time.

That first time, Frank hadn't learnt all the things he would come to learn. He hadn't learnt the ways to move his body slightly to make himself more comfortable. He hadn't learnt how to distance himself, mentally, from what was happening. So, that first time, he experienced it all, felt it all.

And he felt all broken after.

Frank had no idea how long it'd been since Warren left him, only that as soon as he'd gone, Frank had curled up into a tight ball. Refused to move, even when he felt Jimmy's hands on him, trying to sit him up. Frank hadn't responded at all. Eventually Jimmy gave up, threw the covers over Frank so he wouldn't get cold. "I'll give you some time."

Then Frank heard Jimmy leave. He was all alone in this hated room.

When Jimmy came back, he wasn't as soft on Frank anymore. He forced him to sit up, forced him to listen.

"Here's how this is gonna go from now on, Frankie. I'll give you what you need, and you'll do as I say. If I say you have to deliver drugs to someone, you do it. If I say you have to pick up drugs from someone, you do it. If I say you have to lie down, spread your legs and let someone fuck you. You. Will. Do it."

And that was exactly how it was.

From then on, everything seemed to change.

Frank would come to Jimmy, find out what was expected of him. For the first week or so any 'transactions' were done in the red room, but after that Jimmy started sending him out. "Some of these men are busy people, Frankie. They can't be coming all the way over here, not even for me."

Sometimes it would simply be to drop off something, or to pick something up. More often than not though, Frank was paying off some other debt that Jimmy apparently owed. Then there were some who Frank was certain just fucked him because they could. It wasn't like Frank was able to argue with them. Most of these men wouldn't hesitate to tell Jimmy that he'd refused them, and then he'd have to deal with Jimmy's punishment.

Frank soon lost his real job, after his boss finally had enough. He'd been caught taking drugs behind the counter, crouched down where he thought no one could see. Frank thought about protesting, saying he was only taking them at this time of day because it was the only thing keeping him from throwing up. But he knew it would make no difference. He muttered a thanks and a sorry as he left.

He moved into Jimmy's apartment the next day. He'd asked Jimmy if he could somewhere between getting naked and getting high. And Jimmy hadn't hesitated to agree. Frank had assured him he had hardly any stuff, so Jimmy didn't need to worry about the place getting cluttered. Jimmy had shook his head. "Don't give a fuck either way, sweetheart." He said. "This means I get you all the fucking time now."

The next four months past in a drug hazed blur. Always the same thing, but always different in some way. No matter what though, he'd always end the night in Saint Jimmy's bed, naked, Jimmy inside him and telling him he was his. He was Jimmy's.

He couldn't always remember everyone else who'd had him, though he often remembered bits. He assumed this loss of memory was partly down to the fact he often tried to distance himself, mentally, from what was happening. That and a lot of things get washed and stolen away by drugs and alcohol.

But it was true, he could never forget everything.

So many didn't give a fuck about him, and though that often meant they treated him badly, Frank discovered that was so much better than the alternative.

One guy he'd been sent to, he was sent to their apartment. And, unlike most, this guy had apparently made a fucking effort for Frank. He blushed when he opened the door and saw Frank standing there. "Oh. I- I know Jimmy said you were- But- Wow." The starry-eyed look the guy gave him made Frank uneasy from the start.

They'd gone straight to the bedroom, which was more normal, but then the guy had kissed him, which Frank didn't like. He hated when they kissed him. Kissing spoke more of affection, about meaning something. He knew he didn't mean anything to these people, so he hated them for pretending. Frank pushed him away, and turned his head, silently. "I'm sorry." The guy said, quietly, embarrassed.

The sex was gentle, if slightly unskilled. At least Frank knew by now how to shift his body subtly if it got too uncomfortable, especially with this guy, he was so concerned about Frank. Asking if he was okay, asking if it hurt, apologising if it did, asking if he liked it.

Frank never liked it, but he lied for this guy, it seemed important for him.

After, Frank tried to get out of bed, get dressed, but he found an arm around him, holding him back. "No. Please. Stay here, please. You're… You're so beautiful, I just… Once more?" Usually Frank would have no choice in that matter, but he was creeped out, so he made a hurried excuse and went to leave. When he got to the door, the guy caught up with him again, pinning him to the wall, kissing him fiercely this time.

Frank had pushed him off, and got away, not looking back.

One of the later times in red room he encountered someone he'd seen hanging around Saint Jimmy a lot, but he'd never learnt his name.

Jimmy had sent him into the red room, told him to wait. So Frank had sat, awkwardly, on one of the couches, fidgeting, hoping it would be just Jimmy who came back in.

It wasn't Saint Jimmy.

That guy had walked in, confidently, and smiled when he saw Frank. "I always knew this was where you'd end up."

When he smiled, Frank saw glints of silver in his mouth.

A few minutes later he was on his front on the same seat. The guy deep inside him, and Frank found out what the silver in his mouth was, they were teeth, fangs, sharp, they were digging in his shoulder as the guy bit down on him. "Don't worry." He'd said. "I'm not gonna drink you. Filthy thing like you." That was why he'd paused to put a condom on too, Frank guessed. He didn't mind, he was happy about that part. So many didn't even pay him that courtesy. And as for not being bitten? The slight pain in his shoulder was enough as it was, he was glad it wouldn't get any worse. Though, when he accidentally caught sight of himself in the mirror early the next morning, he saw two holes on his shoulder, dried blood around them.

Blood was a common thing for Frank now. Though he never got used to it, never got over it.

But one time was so much worse than the rest. He was often scared by the people he was sent to, but this guy… Frank didn't remember being so scared in his life.

His first clue that something was wrong was that he wasn't sent to an apartment or even a motel room (for those more ashamed of their habits and inclinations towards pretty young boys), but some sort of building, an old office space, he guessed. The guy had seemed okay enough. Maybe a little embarrassed by what he wanted to do, but Frank was used to that. He even decided to make it easier for the guy, asking where he was wanted, going over, undressing himself so the guy didn't have to. There was a bed of sorts, which was good, often when Frank was sent to these kinds of places, there was just the floor. Or the wall, depending on what was wanted.

The guy was rough though, and seemed… Angry. Frank had to fight back the urge to cry out, he could tell this was not one of those situations where he could get away with it.

It was after that things got really bad.

Frank hadn't got up yet. He couldn't, it hadn't felt this bad in a while, he knew it would take him a few minutes to get to his feet. The guy had apparently gone now anyway, so he didn't have to worry about that.

He hadn't heard the footsteps, so it was without warning that he was turned over on his back. The first, and only thing he saw was a knife, held up in front of his eyes.

"If you tell anyone what happened here I swear I'll-"The guys voice was barely more than a growl, and it terrified Frank almost as much as the blade did. "I won't! I never do! Jimmy would never have it if I-""I should teach you what's right anyway. Fucking dirty little fag." Frank could feel himself shaking, but he had no control, he couldn't stop it, and he couldn't move. He closed his eyes tight, just to try and get away from that knife.

Then he whimpered as he felt the blade against his chest. "No." The guy muttered. "Not there. Not good enough." He felt the knife trailing down, then screamed as it finally cut into his inner thigh.

A hand clamped down over his mouth. "Shh. Shut up. Shut UP!"

Then he heard a loud clatter as the knife was thrown to one side, the hand suddenly off his mouth, and the guy moved away. "Go on, go! Fucking… GO!" Frank had thrown his clothes back on and ran for home, he could feel the blood seeping through his jeans, but he couldn't care about that, he had to get home, had to get to Saint Jimmy.

Jimmy had fixed him up with make-shift stitches, Frank unable to control his screaming. He was in too much shock, his emotions on hyper drive. After he was done, Jimmy held him, stroking his hair, telling him it was okay, it was over now. Frank eventually quietened and then Jimmy asked him the name of the guy who'd done it. Frank told him.

He was never sent back there again.

Another night and Frank was in the bathrooms at The Phoenix, he'd come in there to get away for a little while. Just to get some peace. Jimmy hadn't left him alone all night, hands and mouth on him whenever and wherever he could. Though Frank kinda liked it, it was exhausting.

Then he'd seen Johnny come over. And then Johnny and Jimmy had started yelling at each other. Johnny was pissed off because of all the time Jimmy was spending with Frank.

"You forget your fucking place again Johnny. You don't fucking own me!""You could at least have asked me before he moved in.""How many times? It is _not _your apartment, it is mine and I decide who stays there. Be very fucking careful Johnny or I might decide you're not welcome anymore!"

Jimmy was also pissed because Johnny had taken off for a week, disappeared without telling Jimmy where he was going, when he was coming back, _if_ he was coming back.

"For all I fucking knew you'd gone for good this time.""Oh, I see, so you moved dear Frankie in to help with the pain, that what you're saying Jimmy? Is it?"

By this point Frank had got up and left, he didn't like being talked about like he wasn't there, but he was also afraid that one of them would notice him. He was more than slightly scared what Johnny would do to him if he noticed him.

So now, here he was. Hiding.

Frank found himself standing at the sinks, hands gripping the sides, staring at the mirror.

Fuck. He'd changed.

His hair was getting long, but not overly so yet, just a little messy he guessed. He was a lot paler than he used to be. He'd become like Jimmy in that way, he hardly went out in the day. Without a job, he had no reason to even get out of bed until the afternoon, which was generally when Jimmy surfaced too. His eyes… They didn't look quite right. Unfocused, though Frank knew he was concentrating on what was in front of him more than he had in a while. There was smudgy black surrounding his eyes too. Jimmy had convinced him to try eyeliner, then Jimmy had liked the look on Frank so much he insisted on it. Frank had to admit, he liked it too.

Frank bit his lip, coming down on the new piercing he'd got this week. A little silver ring, to match the one he already had in his nose. Jimmy had been approving of these piercings, especially the lip one. But Frank hadn't got it for Jimmy's approval, he'd got it for himself. As a way of reclaiming himself. So many people took so much of him, he had to have something to root himself again.

That's why he had the tattoos too.

Most of them were hidden under his shirt, but a couple were on his arms. He didn't have many yet, but he liked them, had a feeling he'd end up having a lot more.

As he stared at himself, he tried to figure out if he liked what he saw or not.

He didn't notice that someone else had come in.

"Hey… I know you."

Frank glanced behind him, but he didn't recognise the guy who'd spoken.

"Yeah. I definitely know you."

Why did Frank have a bad feeling about this?

Frank gave him a small smile and shook his head. "I… I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone else."

"Nope. You're Frank, aren't you? Frank Ie-""Maybe." Frank interrupted, feeling even more nervous. How did this guy know his name? And if he knew his name, what else did he know? "But, uh… I gotta get back. I-""You are." The guy insisted, coming closer now, Frank stepped back, finding himself with his back against the sinks already. "You're Jimmy's boy… One of his errand boys. And, I hear, you're his best one."Oh shit.

"Um… Yeah. About that. Jimmy's kinda expecting me so-""Your ass is practically legend, did you know that?" The guy was still coming closer and Frank had no where to go. He could feel the panic creep over him, suddenly knowing exactly where this was going and having no idea how to stop it. "And, they say you enjoy it. That true, Frank?" He couldn't answer. If he said yes, he'd be putting himself in trouble right now. But if he said no and Jimmy found out what he'd said… So Frank kept quiet, turning his head away as he felt the guy press up close to him now, actually touching him, body on his and hands on Frank's hips. "Don't bother telling me 'no' Frank. I'll know you're only lying." At that Frank tried to push him off, which only resulted in him grabbing Frank by the arms, turning him around, shoving him against the wall.

"Apparently you're a good little whore. So you can be a whore for me too." Frank struggled, but uselessly. The guy had already reached around, undone his belt, working on his jeans. Then he was tugging them down. And Frank was struck by the absolute certainty of the situation.

He was going to be fucked, right here, in the bathroom of Jimmy's bar. And he couldn't stop it.

Frank screamed when the guy suddenly shoved a finger inside him.

_Oh fuck. He's not even experienced. He doesn't know what he's doing. Oh shit this is going to hurt. _

He could feel the finger coming out, being thrust back in again, no gentler. He wondered how long this would last. Frank had already begun the process of zoning out, taking himself away from what was happening, he didn't even hear the door opening again.

The next time he was aware of what was happening, the guy had been pulled off him, and Frank had fallen to the floor.

He was aware of a fight, but not much of one. Then shouting. "What the fuck-""How do you think Saint Jimmy would react if he'd seen what you were up to?"Wait. Was that… Johnny?

"He's one of Jimmy's fucking toys in the first place. Fucking is what he's there for. Jimmy can't be too upset, what I hear he's had his cock inside that little slut more times than anyone else put together.""Yeah? Well Jimmy's fucked me too, but you wouldn't try this sort of shit with me would you? Huh?"The guy laughed "Not unless I wanted to suffer death by Saint Jimmy."

"Right. Now you apply the same fucking thing to Frank, you got that? Now get the fuck out of here."

The guy hurried out the door after that. And Johnny went over to check on Frank, who was staring at him, amazed and confused by his actions.

"Don't look so fucking surprised Frank." Johnny sighed, holding his hand out to Frank, to help him to his feet. "I might not like you very much, but I wasn't going to let that guy rape you for fucks sake." As Frank hurriedly fixed his jeans he asked, "How did… Did you know I was in here?" "No." Johnny said, with a shrug. "But after we were done arguing Jimmy noticed you'd gone. He's waiting on someone, so he sent me to look for you."

"Well… Anyway. Thanks.""Don't mention it."

Johnny walked out with Frank, went to Jimmy, and Johnny told him what'd happened.

Jimmy was furious. "Is he still here?" he demanded. Johnny shook his head. "Nah. He bolted out the door." Jimmy narrowed his eyes. "Let me know if he comes in again. I want a word." Johnny nodded, sombrely. Both he and Frank knew Johnny had just condemned that guy by telling Jimmy what he'd done, nearly done, to Frank. But at the same time they knew they'd had to. Jimmy looked to Frank now, held out a hand to him, which Frank took. "You okay angel?" Jimmy asked him, gently. It was times like this when Frank thought maybe Jimmy genuinely cared about him. Frank nodded. "Yeah. Johnny found me before it could get out of hand." Jimmy glanced at Johnny, and smiled at him. "Good." He said, then, suddenly all business again. "Okay Frankie, how about you have the night off? I'll get one of the other boys to cover you, _but_… You'll have to make up for it." Frank never could get over the way Jimmy talked about the things he had him do. Made it sound like just a normal job, with normal shift patterns where hours could be traded. He felt a little sick at the thought that someone else would be doing everything they normally did for Jimmy, plus the things he'd had planned for Frank. What if it was some of Frank's 'regular' customers? They'd be annoyed it wasn't Frank, and some of them… Some of them he wouldn't wish on anyone.

But… A break was a break. "Thank you Jimmy." He said. And Jimmy smiled, pulling Frank down so he could kiss him. "You're welcome sweetheart." Then Jimmy focused on Johnny again. "Take him home, would you Johnny? I don't want him staying here tonight and I don't want him walking home alone." Johnny rolled his eyes. "He's not a fucking puppy, Jimmy. He can look after himself." Frank also opened his mouth to protest, to say it was fine, he could walk back himself, it wasn't far.

Jimmy held up his hand, silencing both. "I know he can Johnny, but I want you to look after him tonight, _alright_?"

There was no point in arguing.

They walked to Jimmy's apartment in silence, and once they got there Johnny put the TV on.

Frank was fine with that though. He didn't much feel like talking anyway.

When Jimmy finally came home that night he proclaimed he was exhausted and fell immediately onto the bed, still clothed, only bothering to kick his shoes off.

Johnny rushed to the bed to join Jimmy, giving Frank a quick look to check if he was attempting to follow or get there before him. Frank just sighed, threw himself down so he was now laid out on the couch, his back to the rest of the room.

He heard Johnny say. "I missed you Jimmy…"

Things went back to as they were after that. Frank was sent out again the next night. He eventually came home to find the apartment empty. That was fine by him, his body was aching and the place he'd last been had left him feeling even dirtier than usual. He took himself to the shower, attempted to feel clean. It didn't work. It never did. The fact he had to keep peeking around the shower curtain to check no one had come in didn't help matters.

The living arrangements were awkward. Frank tried to keep out of the way as best he could, but Jimmy was often insistent, often dragging him off the couch and into bed. Sometimes telling Johnny to fuck off. Because, well, Jimmy couldn't let Frank forget who he belonged to, could he?

Slowly Frank got used to all of it. He had no power to stop it. No hope of being saved. Alice would often come to him, asking how he was, he'd lie, tell her he was fine, the latest cuts and bruises on his skin safely hidden. Alice would always hug him tightly, and Frank always knew she was trying not to cry.

Frank didn't get upset about it anymore, there was no point. He'd grown numb to it.

But not the pain. He couldn't quite get away from that. Even Jimmy didn't seem to have enough drugs for that.

It was fucking freezing. Frank pulled his jacket tighter around himself, but it didn't stop the shaking, and really, he knew the shaking wasn't just from cold, though his thin top and torn jeans hardly helped.

It was mainly withdrawal.

How long had it been? A couple of days. The shaking had only just started. He was lucky it hadn't started when he was with his last 'client'. Most weren't exactly understanding, but, he guessed so long as it didn't stop their dicks from getting inside him they wouldn't actually give a fuck. He closed his eyes briefly, not quite a wince. Trying to push out the fresh memories of tonight.

At least this guy hadn't been overly affectionate, or too hateful. Either extremes were bad. This guy had been simple, fairly quick, but… That time Frank did wince. Fuck, this time had hurt more than it had in a while. Frank figured that was down to Saint Jimmy. Last night, Jimmy had 'played' rough with him, and had ended up making things… Uncomfortable, and painful. Tonight tender spots had been pushed and re-opened. He hoped he hadn't bled.

Fuck… He felt dizzy.

And sick.

He ducked down an alleyway to throw up, try to. There was nothing in his stomach so he got not much further than retching and spitting bile, neither of which made him feel any better.

Frank got to his feet again, hand on the wall, supporting him. He found he didn't much trust his legs. Which was a problem, he was a long way from Jimmy's, and he had no other way of getting there.

He managed to keep going a while, but the shaking was worse, he felt more and more light headed and the cold felt like it was slowly freezing his bones.

Frank didn't know when he fell, only that he was on the ground, and there was a certainty that he wasn't getting up. He could feel it.

As he slipped into unconsciousness, a single thought rushed through his head.

_Follow the white rabbit._

The ultimate rabbit hole.

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This wasn't the usual way he walked back to his apartment, but he'd been suggested it as a shortcut. He had nothing to be late for, so he figured tonight was a good night to test it.

He'd never liked alleyways, especially not in this city. You heard too much about things happening down them, but, he guessed, this was a nice part of town, part of the reason he'd moved here, but still. He was nervous.

He was nearly out the other side, when he nearly tripped over something on the floor. He looked down, and then he realised,

Not something.

Some_one_.

Forgetting caution, he crouched down beside the figure, taking a closer look.

At first he took the boy for dead.

He'd closed his eyes briefly, but then, beneath the hand he'd laid on the boy's shoulder, he felt the boy move, curling up tighter, trying to protect himself from the cold and other dangers.

He would never be able to explain what made him do it, perhaps he just couldn't stand the idea of leaving the boy there, even for the few minutes it would take to get help. Maybe it was something else.

All he knew was, without giving himself much more time for thought, he was lifting the boy up (oh God, he was so light, hardly anything to him, and he thought he had an idea of at least one of the things that'd gone so wrong for the boy) and carrying him away from the would be grave.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this one took a little while, but thanks so much for reading!**

**Thank you thank you to my awesome reviewers, I hope you know how much I apprieciate you!**

**ChemicalTeardrop - Haha, yeah, probably should've listened to Alice, but I think Frank might just be in a good place, finally now. And, well, Alice kinda started off as Whatsername when I first wrote her, but she's kinda developed into her own character now. And yes, Johnny is Jesus of Suburbia. Basically I imagine this being kinda set after any events of the album... But one where things went a little differently (Johnny stayed with Jimmy, Jimmy is still alive etc) I dunno. But that's how I see that, anyway. And, hmmm... Yes. Indeed. I wonder if that is Gerard... I guess you won't have long to find out ;) **

**Gasoline Diamond - I know, I can never write Saint Jimmy nicely, can I? He's always being awful to someone. Sorry! Who knows, maybe eventually he'll get what's coming to him...**

**StellarZombie - I think I forgot to say before, your new username is cool! Also, yes, yes, I do indeed like writing Evil Jimmy... He's just so good at being evil! Sorry that bit in the second chapter brought tears to your eyes, but thanks so much for the lovely reviews.**

**Okay! Onto the next chapter? Onto the next chapter. Well, it looks like Frank has been offered a way out, finally, but it's not going to be an easy road...  
And we have the arrival (finally!) of a very important character...**

**I've been looking forward to this one!**

**Right, well, I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the boys**

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The first thing Frank noticed when he woke up was how badly he ached, all over. Fuck… What'd happened? Where had he been last night? He couldn't quite remember next thing he noticed was an odd, but certain feeling that something was different. Off. He'd woken up somewhere strange, and certainly not where he'd fallen asleep.

Wait.

He remembered now. The last thing that was clear was… The alleyway. He'd passed out, that was where he'd ended up last night, certain he was going to-

But now he felt warm, and whatever he was laying on felt soft, comfortable, much more comfortable than the ground he'd fallen on, and definitely more comfortable than the mattress at Saint Jimmy's.

So where the fuck was he?

Frank sat up suddenly, eyes now wide open, mind buzzing and awake. He couldn't deny the panic he felt as he took in the room around him.

The room was fairly big, though the bed in the middle took up most of it, with the silver toned headstand pushed up against the back wall. The light coloured wood door was directly opposite him, and he saw a wardrobe to the left of him, shelves stacked with books on the wall to the right of him, and a small chest of draws either side of the bed serving as two beside tables. The whole room felt light, bright. Cream coloured walls, gray sheets.

He didn't recognise it all.

Frank started trying, scrambling for some memory after the alleyway. There had to be something, anything that would explain how he got there, what'd happened.

He pushed the covers back, inspecting his arms, legs, pulling up his shirt to check his chest. What for he didn't have a clue, but he found nothing anyway. He started slightly when he realised his jeans were missing.

He nearly screamed when the door opened. In seconds he had pulled the covers back over himself, huddled up as close to the wall as he could, shrinking away from whoever was coming in.

"Oh hey." A pleasant voice drifted in. "You're awake, finally, I was getting worried."

Frank didn't reply, just watched as the person the voice belonged to walked in.

He was kinda tall, well, taller than Frank, but that wasn't saying much. And kinda slim, but in a healthy sort of way, Frank guessed. He had a mess of black, longish hair, and though the word 'pretty' seemed odd to use to describe a guy… It was the only one that seemed to really fit. A pleasant, warm smile on his lips, and eyes that seemed both bright and deep even from here. He was dressed all in black, jeans and shirt, and yet there seemed to be something very soothing about him, calming.

But not calming enough for Frank. "Who the fuck are you? Where the fuck am I?" He demanded, knowing his expression was twisted into something ugly. The man held up both hands, another soothing gesture. He'd been walking closer to Frank, but now he stopped, realising how panicked Frank was. "You're safe." He stated first. "I promise I have not, and will not hurt you. You're in my apartment, about five minutes away from the spot where you passed out." Frank continued to scowl, still no less afraid. "What am I doing here?""I found you, you were… You clearly needed help. So I brought you here, to help you." It still didn't make much sense to Frank, but he was slowly starting to think maybe this guy really didn't mean him any harm. One question in particular still remained unanswered however, and it was bugging Frank that he didn't know. So he repeated the question. "Who are you?"

Lowering his hands now, and coming forward ever so slightly, the guy held out his hand to Frank, "I'm Gerard." He said. "And sorry I startled you so much." Frank looked suspiciously between the hand held out to him and Gerard's eyes. He'd found you could tell a lot about people from their eyes. So many of the people he'd encountered through Jimmy had practically dead eyes, or manic eyes. Gerard's… He'd been right, there was a depth to them, but, the more obvious, surface part of them was bright, open, honest. Caring.

Without thinking about it, Frank let one of his hands slip out from under the covers, taking Gerard's hand, shaking it. "I'm… I'm Frank." He said, his voice a lot quieter, a lot calmer now. Gerard's smile got a touch warmer as he sat himself down on the edge of the bed. "Hey Frank, nice to finally have a name to go with the face."

It was then that Frank remembered the uncomfortable fact that he was currently only in his underwear from the waist down.

He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all.

Feeling the suspicion creep back in, Frank asked, "Where… Where are my pants?"Gerard nodded down beside him, "Just down there, on the floor next to the bed."

Frank's scowl returned as he glanced down, spotting his clothing exactly where Gerard had said. Then, clutching the bed sheet tighter again, he leant down to retrieve them, slightly annoyed to find the bed was quite high and made it a little difficult to reach.

He kept an eye on Gerard as best he could, half expecting him to suddenly turn on him. Expecting him to pounce, stop him from getting dressed again, pin him down and and-

"Why'd you take them off me?" Frank demanded as he sat up straight again, jeans clutched tightly in his hands. Gerard laughed lightly, then, seeing that Frank was completely serious about the question, he stopped. Took on a much more serious tone. When he spoke, it was again in that calming, soft voice. "I only took them off you so you'd be more comfortable when you were sleeping. I promise I meant nothing else by it. I'll leave if you want to put them back on again, in private."

Frank continued to stare, still frowning slightly as he thought about this. Trying to figure out the catch.

Then, realising there wasn't one, he nodded.

Without hesitation or argument, Gerard pushed himself up off the bed, ready to head back out the door.

"But!" Frank suddenly found the urge to pause Gerard's leaving. He couldn't quite explain why, but he knew he wanted Gerard there. Just… Not while he felt so vulnerable.

Gerard paused, waiting for Frank to continue. "Will… Will you come back… Um. After I-""How about if I come back in here in… Ten minutes?" Gerard suggested. Frank briefly thought about this, then nodded again.

"Okay." Gerard said, smiling a little more as he finally got a returning smile from Frank.

Gerard carefully closed his bedroom door behind him, staring out, unseeingly into the living room.

He practically threw himself onto the couch.

What the hell was he doing?

_Nice one Gerard, you've got a random guy in your apartment. What the fuck was the next part of your plan going to be exactly? _

He'd taken the guy- Frank, he reminded himself he now knew the guys name, in because he'd been pretty sure that if he hadn't, Frank would've died. And, well, he didn't know the guy, obviously, but he wasn't exactly gonna leave someone like that.

_You brought him to your apartment! What the fuck were you thinking?_

He should've taken him to hospital, or something. But… Gerard had his suspicions, and he had a feeling Frank would not have thanked him if he'd woken up in a hospital.

The question now, of course, was what Gerard was going to do now.

Running his hand through his hair a couple of times, thinking, Gerard came to the conclusion he knew he'd already made.

He was going to continue to help Frank.

Whatever that might mean.

After Gerard left, Frank found himself staring at the door for slightly longer than would be deemed normal.

Frank realised he was surprised that Gerard had actually did as he said he was going to, and left him, giving him the privacy he wanted.

Privacy that, Frank realised, he hadn't had in a very long time.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts, reminding himself he'd asked Gerard to come back, therefore, he had a limited time frame for this privacy.

He slipped out of the bed. Gerard's bed, he suddenly realised. Frank wondered how long he'd been asleep, he didn't even know what time it was. What day it was. Had Gerard given up his bed for Frank?

There was only one more option, of course, and Frank found himself making mental notes of each and every ache and pain he could feel. His fingers tracing over his skin. Arms, then shoulders, then hips, then thighs, starting his old ritual of counting bruises, checking for more, before he stopped himself, annoyed with himself.

_This man has shown you nothing but kindness, he has done nothing to make you suspicious of him. He has taken you in, given you somewhere to sleep, let you rest, given you privacy when you've asked for it. Why are you assuming the worst of him?_

But Frank knew the answer to that.

_Because the last person who was nice to me was Saint Jimmy. _

Doing up his belt buckle now, fully clothed again, Frank sat down on the edge of the bed.

He was trying not to think about Saint Jimmy, but, apparently even when he wasn't physically there, he was a constant presence.

"_Don't ever try to leave, Frankie." Jimmy's words hot on his ear between humid panting. Half naked on the couch, neither of them the same half. Jimmy still had his shirt on, giving Frank access to fulfil the task Jimmy had set him. Frank's hand working to the steady rhythm Jimmy liked best. While his own jeans restricted him almost painfully, trying to rub up against Jimmy, to get his own release. Jimmy didn't mind, didn't care, didn't stop him. So long as he was getting what he wanted._

_Jimmy grabbed his hair, tugging painfully, making Frank cry out. Jimmy grinned at the sound. "You hear me, Frankie? Do not. Ever. Try to leave me. I will find you and I will make you sorry for it. Got that, Frankie angel?" Frank nodded, at that moment wondering why he'd ever want to leave. _

_It was only later that night, when he'd been sent out and found himself in another bed, that he realised just how trapped he was. _

Frank was snapped back to the here and now when he heard a soft voice behind him,

"Okay for me to come in?" Frank twisted around on the bed, and saw Gerard in the doorway, smiling again.

Frank found himself smiling back, then nodding.

Hoping he wasn't giving away how scared and worried he was.

Gerard could tell Frank was scared. But he couldn't blame him. He'd clearly been through a lot, and that was before waking up in a strangers bed.

Gerard was starting to wonder what Frank thought of him. Whether he trusted him, Gerard had to admit he wasn't sure if he would've. And, now he did realise how… Odd it must've seemed to Frank that he'd found himself part undressed. But… Gerard hadn't been lying. He knew from the times he'd fallen asleep in his clothes he'd been a hell of a lot more comfortable with his legs free. Whether he'd done it himself or if someone else had done it for him, it'd always been a better sleep.

It'd been a while since he'd had to deal with something like that, though.

He could understand why Frank had given him such a weird look. Maybe he thought Gerard had done it to get a look at him, when that… That hadn't been it at all. He hadn't meant-

Gerard thought of the bruises he'd seen, especially the ones on Frank's knees, one worse than the other, the same one that correlated with the hole in Frank's jeans. He'd caught a glimpse of some kind of scar too.

He'd thought about asking about those bruises, now he thought better of it.

Gerard sat down, on the end of the bed this time, a reasonable distance from Frank, he thought.

"So." Gerard said. "What's your story?"

Frank just stared at him. "Wh-what?""I found you, passed out and half frozen. No one who has a simple, uneventful life ends up like that. So. What happened?"

Frank fidgeted, head down, clearly uncomfortable.

"Frank." Gerard said, softly, somehow it made him look up. "I'm not asking just to pry into your life. You seem in a bad way and… I'd like to help."

As Frank continued to stare at him, frowning slightly, trying to figure him out. Figure out if the words were genuine.

Eventually, he nodded, just once, apparently convinced that Gerard was being honest.

But then he looked down again as he said. "I don't- I don't think you can though."

Gerard sighed, reached out his hand, thought better of it, laying it down on the bed in the space between them. "Frank. I-"Then he noticed Frank's eyes were closed, and he looked suddenly paler, he seemed to be taking deep breaths also.

Gerard closed his eyes too as he said, "If you're going to be sick, bathroom's the next door down, turn left."

He felt Frank ran past him.

To be honest, he wasn't surprised.

For second, when Frank got inside the bathroom, he thought he was actually okay, that it'd just been a false alarm. That the twist in his guts was just nerves and fear.

He was proved wrong.

On his knees, tears streaming and throat already sore from the acid his body was rejecting.

His head was pounding, and he knew very well what was going on.

_More. You need more._

Fuck. How long had he been out for?

Pretty sure there was no way he could possibly feel worse than he did right now, Frank groaned.

Then he heard the bathroom door open, soft footsteps on the floor.

Oh fuck. Gerard was there.

_Still want to help me? _Frank thought bitterly.

He thought maybe the worst was over, so he sat back, leant up against the tiled wall, he could see Gerard out of the corner of his eye. He was leant up against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest, watching Frank steadily, completely serious look on his face now, no trace of the earlier smiles.

"What were you on?" Gerard asked, his voice just as serious. Not hard, not accusing, but very serious.

Frank dared a quick glance at him, looking away again as soon as he could. "What… I-?" He winced at how weak his voice sounded. It was barely there."I _said_." Gerard repeated, patiently. "What were you on? What have you been taking?" He paused, waiting for an answer. When he didn't get one right away, he continued, "Alcohol? Drugs? What kind? Smokes? Pills? Powder? Have you been injecting stuff? What?"

Frank shook slightly as Gerard listed these things, he leant forward again, spitting a little, glad there wasn't more. He leant back, very aware of Gerard's eyes watching him. He drew his knees up to his chest, buried his face. Raising it long enough to say. "All of it. Everything. I- Fuck." The familiar feeling crashed over him again, he scrambled forward, threw up again.

"Everything." Gerard repeated, behind him.

Frank sat back again, no longer sick but crying now. He felt helpless, weak.

"Well…" Gerard said, thoughtfully. "That's gonna take a while then… I mean trying to flush one kind of toxin out of your body is hard enough, but you've got a whole mess of stuff inside you. It's not gonna be a lot of fun. But I think you can do it."

At that Frank snapped his head up, staring at Gerard wide eyed.

He didn't mean- Surely he wasn't suggesting-

Gerard smiled slightly as he saw the look on Frank's face. And he nodded.

"You're going to get clean, Frank. And I'm going to help you."Frank thought that if he wasn't very aware of how gross he felt right now, he probably would've hugged Gerard.

_Maybe there is a way to crawl back out of the rabbit hole after all. _

Gerard left him in the bathroom for a while, telling him to stay in there as long as he needed.

"If you want to take a shower, feel free. Towels are over there."

Frank nodded, and looked across the bathroom to where the shower was. He seriously considered it. But… Honestly. The idea of being naked, in someone else's home, someone he barely even knew, for that matter, that… Made Frank uncomfortable. It only brought back bad memories.

When he finally stopped feeling so sick, Frank went over to the sink instead, washed his face, stuck his head under the tap, letting the water run through his hair, shaking it slightly to dry it when he straightened up. Stole some mouthwash too.

He had to admit, it all made him feel a little better. A little more human.

Self consciously, Frank stepped out of the bathroom again, found Gerard sitting on the couch, watching TV. He turned around, like he sensed Frank was behind him. "Feeling better?" Frank nodded. "Just… Tired." Gerard stood then, shutting the TV off as he did. "Okay. Get back into bed and rest then. I can sleep out here again tonight." Frank frowned, he wasn't sure how he felt about that. Last night he hadn't had a choice, Gerard had put him into his bed while he was still passed out. But knowingly taking Gerard's bed from him?

Once again Frank was reminded of uncomfortable things. Of Johnny glaring daggers into his back. Of knowing he deserved it, because he'd stolen Johnny's place.

Frank started to protest, but Gerard stopped him. "Don't worry about it. The couch pulls out, it's comfy enough. At least, my brother doesn't complain when he stays, and I slept alright last night, I mean, when I wasn't checking on you, obviously." Frank felt a sudden jolt as he heard this. Gerard had checked on him? That seemed… Oddly sweet.

But he was also interested in another thing Gerard had mentioned, and as he wasn't willing to bring up how touched he was by Gerard's concern for him, Frank decided to focus on the other thing. "Your brother? Will he-?""Oh, yeah! I mean. I don't know if you'll meet him. Probably, he's round here pretty often. Don't worry, the two of you will probably get on great. Just. Um. Don't bring up drugs. Or drinking. He gets… He gets a little jumpy around those subjects. You see-" Gerard suddenly cut himself off, he'd been happily chatting away, apparently this brother was a good topic for Gerard, his face had lit up when he started talking. But the way he'd suddenly stopped… Frank got the feeling there was something Gerard had nearly said, that he hadn't meant to. Frank knew better than to ask. You just didn't ask questions like that. And anyway, what Gerard had said, about his brother getting 'jumpy' around the subjects of drugs and stuff, well, that made Frank uneasy. "So… Will he not like me? Considering…"

Gerard had been frowning, deep in thought, but now he snapped out of it, shaking his head. "Oh! No! He'll like you, I'm sure." He beamed then, and Frank felt a little reassured.

Though he couldn't work out why he cared so much anyway.

Perhaps he was just worried that if Gerard's brother didn't like him, he'd tell Gerard to kick Frank out, and then he'd be back where he started. And worse.

"_I will find you and I will make you sorry for it." _

The memory from earlier suddenly took on a whole new meaning, one that terrified Frank still further.

He hoped that Gerard really was as good as his word.

The first night was easy enough. Frank all but passed out again, and though, once again, Gerard got up various times in the night to check on his new housemate, he also found enough time for a good nights rest. By the time it got to three in the morning, Gerard decided Frank wasn't waking up, so he could afford to spend the rest of the night in his own, temporary bed.

The next morning Frank woke up, and he could hear Gerard talking to someone.

He sat up suddenly. Someone was here? Who was it? Did they know Frank was here?

It took Frank a few seconds to realise he was only hearing one half of a conversation.

Gerard was on the phone.

"Look. Something's… Come up. I can't make it in. No. Ray. I can't! Well. That's kinda the other thing. I don't know for how long… A while. I'm really sorry but this is important. Please! Just find someone to cover for me. C'mon, do I ever do this? I promise this is really important, I literally can't leave my apartment and- Oh holy shit. Thank you. Thank you, I'll make this up to you somehow, I swear. I'll call you when I know I'm coming back in, okay? Thank you." Frank stared at the door, realising that through the small gap in the open door, he could just about see Gerard. He was standing by a table on the other side of the living room, leaning heavily on it. And Frank realised what he'd just done.

He'd got time off work so he could be there for Frank.

Frank wasn't quite sure how to process that. It didn't make sense. No one had ever cared much about him, and yet here was this guy who he'd known roughly twenty four hours, bending over backwards to help him.

He wondered if he'd ever be able to thank Gerard enough for all this.

That day, again, was pretty easy, really. More sickness, though not as bad, though it seemed to go on longer.

Then, that evening a fever type feeling struck him, and Gerard sent him straight into bed again, though Frank protested. Protested he wasn't tired, protested he didn't want to take Gerard's bed again, protested he didn't want the covers over him. Gerard ignored all of these protests, even going so far as to holding Frank down, just lightly, one hand on his shoulder. Frank didn't like that, smacked Gerard's hand away, instantly regretting it, unable to make himself explain to Gerard, explain why he couldn't handle it, being touched like that, being held down. But Gerard was apologising, explaining himself. "I'm sorry Frank, I didn't mean to be rough with you. But I just need you to lie down, relax, you're not helping yourself by fighting me." Frank did as he was asked then, laid down, relaxed as best he could. Then Gerard was pulling the covers over him and Frank protested again. "I'm too h-""Hot. I know." Gerard said, laying the covers down over him. "I'll get something to cool you down but trust me, you'll be glad for these covers."

He disappeared then, and Frank kicked off the covers while he was gone. When he came back, Gerard said nothing. He had a washcloth in hand, and he sat down, close to Frank this time. Frank forced himself not to flinch away, especially when Gerard came even closer, laying the cloth on Frank's forehead. "Any better?" Gerard asked, softly. Frank nodded, though still slightly uncomfortable with the close proximity.

Gerard smiled. "Good." Then, more seriously he said "This is the start of it." Frank nodded, he knew exactly what this was.

"It gets worse." Frank said, not a question, but Gerard answered anyway. "I could lie to you and tell you this is as bad as it gets but… That's not gonna help."Again Frank nodded, appreciating the honesty.

Gerard left him a little after that, telling him to try and get some sleep, he'd need to get as much sleep as he could, while he could.

Later that night, Gerard found himself wishing he could take his own advice, but he was too worried to sleep.

He found himself standing in the doorway to the bedroom, watching Frank as he tossed and turned almost all night.

He'd given up trying to figure out why he cared so much, why this was so important, he just knew it was, and that, Gerard decided, was enough for him.

Eventually Gerard forced himself to get some sleep, watching Frank wasn't helping matters, and a least he was sleeping tonight. There'd be plenty of time for Gerard to be kept up at night without him doing it voluntarily now. He too needed to get as much sleep as he could, while he could.

The next day, all Frank seemed to do was sleep, only occasionally coming to. Gerard was there every time him did. Offering him water or just simply offering reassurance. He only mentioned food when Frank did, and when he was asked for it, Gerard would go for only the shortest amount of time possible.

It was a shock when, sometime in that evening, when Frank was just drifting off again, he suddenly grabbed Gerard's hand. His eyes shot open and he was staring intently at Gerard, pleading. "You're not- You're not going anywhere, are you? You-""I'm here. I promise." At that Frank nodded, relaxed again, and fell asleep once more.

Gerard stared down at the hand tightly gripping his own, a little amazed by it. Frank, who usually flinched from any kind of close contact had voluntarily taken his hand, and was still, in sleep, clutching it tightly. He'd even looked Gerard straight in the eye, another small miracle in itself, though, Gerard knew, his eyes hadn't been fully focused, but even so…

Frank didn't let go until much later that night, when he woke up again, this time asking for more water.

When Gerard went to get it, he was paused at the door by Frank's voice again.

"And and- Please, something to make my head stop hurting. Please-"Gerard sighed. He knew what Frank was asking for, and he knew this was only going to be the first time he'd ask.

"I'll see what I can do." Gerard replied, wincing at the lie.

From then, everything seemed to go downhill very quickly.

Once, while Gerard had been in the kitchen, it'd been a quiet day so far, so he didn't feel the need to watch Frank constantly, Frank went into the bathroom, checking he could still hear Gerard in the kitchen as he did.

Gerard realised something was wrong when he heard a few dull thuds, things dropping to the floor.

He went to investigate, not at all surprised by what he saw.

Frank was raiding the bathroom cupboards, desperately searching for something.

"You won't find what you're looking for here." Gerard said, making Frank jump, he spun around, at first looking guilty at being caught. Then his eyes narrowed. "So you… You do have some then? Somewhere, where? Where have you-""No." Gerard said, patiently. "I don't have any, not anywhere. You misunderstood, Frank, and I think you did it on purpose.""Liar!" Gerard flinched as Frank screamed at him. He had to admit, he was a little scared of him then. Not that he was going to show it, that would've been… Bad.

"No." He repeated, stepping in closer now, wondering what the hell he was doing, moving closer like this. But he needed to calm Frank down, that much he knew. This was quickly going to escalate if he wasn't careful. "I'm not lying, Frank. When have I ever lied to you?""How the fuck should I know? I've barely known you… A week." It was two weeks, but Gerard didn't feel like pointing that out. "So how do I know you're not lying? I think you are. I think you're just trying to fuck with me. You're just like the rest, aren't you? You want to mess with me, fuck with me. Well. You can't!" Gerard paused, he'd been moving steadily closer, but now he realised what a big mistake he was making by doing that. He was agitating Frank further, and he'd just put himself in the line of danger. "That's not what I'm doing at all." Gerard said, still as calmly as possible. "I don't believe you!" Gerard edged back just as Frank swung his arm out.

Gerard backed off as quick as he could, but Frank followed, still trying to get at him. Gerard got to the door quick though, snuck out and closed the door behind him, locking it, effectively trapping Frank inside.

Gerard rested his forehead against the door, hand still on the handle, finding himself breathing heavily, his body shaking just a little. The loud bang on the other side of the door made Gerard jump, but it didn't make him move.

He was sorry, so sorry he'd had to do this, had to lock Frank in the room like some kind of animal. He hated it, but he'd been scared, sure Frank wanted to, and would've, hurt him.

Gerard could hear crashing and banging on the other side of the door, he knew Frank was causing chaos. He just hoped he wouldn't hurt himself.

Gerard slid down the door, turning around as he did, his back up against it as he finally sat.

His head in his hands, Gerard wondered if maybe this all really was such a good idea.

Gerard heard a loud smash, then a scream, and was instantly on his feet again, unlocking the door.

"Frank?" It was all quiet in the bathroom now, expect for a few bottles of various substances opened which were slowly dripping their liquids. Gerard gave the bathroom a quick glance, noting that mainly, a few things would need replacing, but nothing major was actually broken.

Except, of course, for the mirror, which was directly opposite the door.

It was cracked, and near the very centre was the main concentration of the break, all other spider lines trailing out from it, Gerard couldn't see exactly, but he thought maybe there was blood at the obvious collision point.

His main concern, however, was Frank. He was curled up on the floor, on the bathroom rug, almost directly beneath the mirror. He was shaking, and it was obvious he was crying.

Gerard stepped a little closer, then knelt down beside him. "Frank." He said, gently. Frank didn't respond, except to shake his head. "Frank, please, let me get a look at you. I think… You're hurt?" Finally Frank uncurled himself a little, sat up. He was holding one hand close to his chest, and though his shirt was black, Gerard could still see the different kind of dark stain creeping over it, and there was red seeping out between the fingers that tried to cover the injured hand.

Gerard held out his hands to Frank. "Let me see. Please?" Frank thought about it, then finally released his hand, holding it out for Gerard to see.

It was a bloody mess. And Gerard tried not to let it show that he was a little shocked at what he was seeing. "Oh- Okay. Let's, um, let's get you to the sink, wash the blood away, then we can see what we're dealing with."

Frank wasn't protesting anymore, wasn't fighting. He was just letting Gerard do what he thought was best.

It stung when the water hit his torn knuckles, but he did his best to hide that it hurt, knowing Gerard would worry more.

"I'm sorry." Frank said, as Gerard's hands carefully worked over his own, lightly smoothing the blood away. Gerard didn't reply. "I'm sorry I… Broke the mirror, and made a mess in here. I'll help you tidy up." Gerard shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He said, shutting the water off now, grabbing a towel and carefully patting Frank's hand dry. "I'll need you to hold still while I wrap this up, okay?" He continued, as if Frank hadn't been in the middle of saying something to him. Was this how Gerard got when he was mad? Frank couldn't blame him if he was mad but… Couldn't he at least say so?

Apparently the worry was obvious on Frank's face, because when Gerard looked up at him, he smiled, shook his head a little. "I'm not angry with you." He said. "You're not in control of yourself all the time right now. It's fine. It'll get better. You'll get better." Frank smiled back, amazed that Gerard could actually be so understanding.

"Okay. There." Gerard said, now done wrapping up Frank's hand. It still hurt, obviously, but it wasn't as bad, and having it covered, hidden, like it was made it a lot less scary. Frank held it up, took a look. It was a hell of a lot neater than any patching up Saint Jimmy had ever done.

The thought of Saint Jimmy's 'patching up' made a few of the many scars Frank had decorating his skin twinge slightly.

"Not bad, huh?" Gerard said, proudly. "Yeah. Where'd you learn, anyway? Are you a doctor?" Now that it occurred to Frank, that scenario suddenly made a lot of sense. Who else would so readily care for another person? But Gerard laughed as he put the box containing the rest of the bandages, along with a few other things he'd gathered off the floor, into the cupboard under the sink. "No. I'm definitely not a doctor. But I told you I have a younger brother, right? Well… When you're the big brother you… Tend to pick up some first aid tips along the way."

Frank couldn't help but smile at that. Whoever had Gerard as a big brother was a very lucky person, he thought.

Then he remembered he'd never finished saying what he'd wanted to earlier. "I'm sorry I… Said I didn't believe you. I do. I… I trust you." Gerard stopped, stared at him, wide eyed, and Frank was just as surprised by those last words. But he did, he trusted Gerard.

Which scared the life out of him.

Frank hadn't just smashed the mirror for no reason. It hadn't been just reckless violence, hadn't just been borne of mindless aggression and annoyance at not being able to find what he wanted.

Frank had made the mistake of looking at it as he was searching, and then, just like that, he'd found himself caught.

He discovered he didn't like what he saw anymore.

Frank remembered looking into the mirrors at The Phoenix. How he'd thought he looked alright, passable, at least.

Now he thought he just looked sick. Pale, tired. He suddenly longed for the make up that at least used to hide the dark circles under even darker circles. But then that reminded him of Saint Jimmy, of Jimmy holding him by the chin, telling him not to move as he carefully smudged around Frank's eyes with black. Frank could never tell if Jimmy was being affectionate then, or just possessive. Knowing Jimmy, it was both.

He stared at the mirror, trying to figure out what he was seeing, was that him, really? He looked thinner, again.

And he noticed his lip ring was missing.

_Did Gerard take it out? When? While I was asleep? What the fuck was he doing fucking touching me like that? Fucking creep, I knew-_

Frank told himself to calm down. Of course it hadn't been Gerard, why the hell would he do that anyway? Gerard had no reason to. And he'd proven enough times that he respected Frank's privacy. Frank knew he wouldn't have done something so intrusive, especially not without Frank's permission.

Then Frank remembered.

The last guy he'd been with.

He hadn't liked Frank's piecing. Said he could feel it while Frank sucked him off. So, unwillingly, Frank had taken the ring out. Thought he'd put it in his pocket… Was it still there? That didn't matter now, because suddenly everything, everyone else came flooding back. And Frank realised exactly what he was staring at in the mirror.

A nasty little drug fuelled whore.

He hadn't wanted to see that anymore.

There was another time, when Frank tried to sneak out.

At the time it made perfect sense to Frank, but later he wondered what the hell he'd been thinking.

Gerard was in the living room, Frank could see him from where he was sitting on the end of the bed. Gerard had his back to the bedroom door, and Frank thought maybe, maybe he could do this.

Frank got as far as the front door before he heard Gerard's voice.

"You're not a prisoner here, you know?"

Frank froze, not even daring to turn around. Fuck. Why'd he thought Gerard wasn't paying attention? He was always paying attention. He should know that by now, because it was _him_ Gerard constantly paying attention to. Gerard didn't wait for a reply.

"If you want to leave… You can. I won't stop you. But…" Then Frank did look round, saw Gerard standing by the couch, his eyes down, he looked worried. "Do you really think out there is such a good option? I'm not saying here is perfect, but I-"

Frank cut off the last part of Gerard's sentence by surprising him.

Moving across the room, Frank suddenly grabbed Gerard's hand, tightly, almost desperately, and Gerard looked up at him, wide eyed, startled. Frank quickly dropped the hand, but didn't step away. "I- I-" Frank tried to find what it was he wanted to say. He didn't know, couldn't figure it out.

But Gerard seemed to know somehow, anyway. He nodded. Then Frank announced, quietly, that he thought maybe he needed to get back to bed. He needed the rest, to clear his head.

At night there was either one extreme or the other. Either Frank would fall asleep and then Gerard wouldn't hear a thing from him for hours, sometimes well into the next day.

The other possibility was, unfortunately, much more frequent. Frank would hardly sleep at all, and when he did, it was a fitful sleep, one often so violent that Gerard felt the need to watch him just to make sure he didn't hurt himself.

Then there were the other nights, the nights where Frank didn't sleep, couldn't sleep, and cried out all night. Cried for help, and, some nights, though sometimes he was so far gone he couldn't, but some nights he cried out to Gerard. Knowing he was there.

When Frank called for him, Gerard would go to him, otherwise, he kept his distance.

One night Frank had started out well, fallen straight to sleep, and Gerard had hoped this one would be an easy night, perhaps he could get some sleep again finally.

But then, round about two in the morning, he heard him.

Gerard got up, went to the bedroom door and looked in.

Frank had kicked away the covers, and he was curled up in middle of the bed, shaking, crying.

When he heard his name in amongst the sobbed mumblings, Gerard stepped inside, and very tentatively got up on the bed.

"Hey." He said, softly. "I'm here." Frank raised his head slightly, caught sight of Gerard, then threw himself forward, arms going around Gerard, head burying against his chest. Gerard was slightly surprised, but nervously laughed it off. "Okay, it's okay. I told you, I'm here." Frank nodded, but said nothing.

Gerard put his arms loosely around Frank, pulling him a little closer.

Sensing it was okay to do so, Gerard gently stroked Franks hair, calming him further.

Eventually, Frank fell asleep again, and Gerard carefully untangled himself, went back to the other bed.

Just slightly surprised by how… Empty it felt.

The nights were always worse. Perhaps because Gerard was so tired then. He didn't think he'd slept a full night since Frank had been here. It was impossible to. He'd tried sleeping during the day, but that proved just as difficult. Frank was generally easier, calmer in the day, but then everyday tasks prevented Gerard getting any real rest.

Another night, and Gerard was sat in the doorway to the bedroom, exhausted but not giving up his post.

Frank was bad tonight. Screaming, crying. When he could hear what Frank was saying, Gerard wished he couldn't. He was begging for his drugs. Alternately pleading Gerard and cursing him. Telling him it was his fault this hurt so much.

Gerard could hardly stand it. But he couldn't bring himself to leave the room, to leave Frank. So he stayed, he listened.

God. He'd known this was going to be difficult, but he hadn't realised how difficult.

He just wanted to find a way to take it all away, make Frank stop hurting.

Find a way to stop him crying. Take away the stomach cramps and pounding headaches. Take away the sickness and the nasty, scary thoughts in his head.

Gerard just wanted to help him. But there was nothing he could do. Nothing except sit and watch and listen. Nothing but try to comfort him.

But when Frank was like this… He couldn't even do that part. Frank wouldn't let Gerard near him. He'd tried before, only to have Frank lash out, hit him. Gerard had caught the look in his eyes when he did that though, he did it because he was scared. Scared Gerard was going to hurt him or… Something.

"Gerard…" He closed his eyes, tight. Fuck. Frank sounded like he was in so much pain.

"Gerard. Please. Come- Come here I _need_" The last word almost a scream, and Gerard flinched.

He couldn't stop himself, he was on his feet and going over to the bed, sitting down, tentatively, on the edge of it.

Gerard went to reach out his hand, but thought better of it. "I'm here." He said, quietly.

Frank sat up slightly, looked at Gerard. It was dark in the room but Gerard could see from the dim light coming from the rest of the apartment that Frank's face was a mess of sweat and tears. "You- You know how to make this stop. Don't you?" Frank asked.

Gerard shook his head, not because he didn't know, but because if he gave Frank that option now, he'd undo everything, and Frank would have to start all over again.

"You do!" Frank insisted, hint of anger in his voice now.

Gerard grabbed him by the shoulders then, making him flinch and yelp. Gerard ignored him. "Fine. You want to hear it? Yes. I know exactly what would make this stop. I know how to make you stop hurting. But I am not going to give it to you. First, because I don't have it and second because you are so fucking far along to being better I am not letting you take that massive step backwards, you got that?"

Frank stared at him, wide eyed, clearly taking this in.

Then he fell into Gerard and started crying again.

There were a couple more bad nights like that, when both of them thought this was never going to end.

But then, finally, slowly, things started to get a little easier.

Frank would sleep, peacefully in the day, and through some of the night. When he was awake he was still suffering, but was more lucid.

He felt more in control. He didn't feel like this head was exploding into a million pieces, things made more sense. When he looked at Gerard, he saw Gerard, just him.

Not the skewed and strange image he'd been seeing. Sometimes it was him, just blurred, out of focus. But other times he… It was like he wasn't staying _him_. One second it'd be Gerard, this person he'd somehow come to trust, then it'd be…

Frank wondered how he ever remembered the faces of the men who fucked him. But there they were.

A few times he saw Saint Jimmy. And then Frank had cried, for so many reasons. Because he was scared of Jimmy, because he remembered all the things he'd done. Because, despite all of it…

He missed Jimmy. And that scared him the most.

But no. Now he just saw Gerard, and he was grateful for that. He found Gerard such a comfort. It was strange, Frank wasn't the type who trusted easily. Especially not now, especially not men but… Gerard had something calming about him. Something caring. Frank couldn't help but feel safe.

Gerard eventually felt it was okay to sleep at night, Frank didn't need as much watching. He hadn't done anything to hurt himself (like thrashing around the bed and nearly falling. It'd happened a few times). And he hadn't been sick, physically, for a few days.

He was so grateful for the rest, each day he sleep in for far longer than he should have.

And, eventually one day, round about midday, Gerard woke up to find Frank joining him on his substitute bed. Perched on the end of it, nearly sitting on Gerard's feet. The TV was on, and Frank was half watching it.

It took Gerard a few seconds to fully register what he was seeing, then he grinned, sitting up slightly as he rubbed, tiredly at his eyes, then attempting to push his hair away from them. Frank looked over at him, smiling nervously. "I. Um. I hope you're okay with me sitting here, I just-" Gerard shook his head, "It's fine." He assured.

Frank nodded, then went back to focusing on the TV. Though Gerard suspected he was only using that as a distraction. That was fine too.

Gerard just continued to smile. Taking Frank in slowly. He was in some of the clothes Gerard had found for him, a little big for him, but clean. In fact, _he_ looked clean. Gerard wondered if Frank had used the shower this morning already. Though a little nervous, Frank looked much more comfortable than Gerard could remember seeing him. Healthier too, his skin less sallow.

He was certainly not the broken little boy Gerard had picked up off the street anymore, not entirely anyway.

Gerard suspected Frank still had a long way to go, but this, definitely, was progress.

It took Gerard a long time to bring himself to get out of bed that morning. He was happy, content, sitting there like that, with Frank.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N : Hey! Well, damn this took me FOREVER, huh?  
Well, I guess when you consider I wrote like, three chapters for my Killjoys story (can't believe that's finished! Yes, the sequel is in the works, but don't expect it soon, I'm gonna focus on this for a while now) and then you take into account my major case of writers block that went on for about two damn weeks... (I'm sure I don't need to state the reasons behind said writers block)  
Anyway! Thank you so much for being patient with me, I truly appreciate it!**

**And of course, as always, a massive thank you to my reviewers.  
I love you guys!  
ChemicalTeardrop - Hehe, yep, you guessed perfectly right! :D And Mikey, dear Mikey is coming, I promise, he kinda makes an appearance this chapter (sort of... You'll see) but he'll be a bigger feature soon. And you will most certainly be finding out why and how Gerard knows all the things he does about how to look after Frank. As for Bob... Honestly, as it is right now, I don't have plans for Bob to be in this, though it's not out of the question. Who knows, he might just crop up later! Haha! Awesome! I love Astro Zombies, and yeah, I like the MCR version too :)  
****  
Radioactive-Lollipop - I'm sorry I made you cry! (I think... I guess that was meant to be a compliment but!) And yeah, the chapters on this are kinda long, glad you think it fits the story. Sorry this took so long for me to update!**

**Gasoline Diamond - Thank you! Ha! Yeah, about time I wrote something a little nicer, huh? ;) **

**Right then... Shall we?**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, don't be silly.**

**#####################################**

Finally, Gerard decided Frank was over the worst now, and could handle a day alone in the apartment.

And, well, Gerard was getting a little sick of the amount of missed calls on his phone, from Ray, asking him to come back to work. He knew he'd been pushing it though, over a month… It probably was time to head back.

It was going to be fun explaining where he'd been, wasn't it?

By the time Frank dragged himself out of bed, Gerard was dressed and running around the apartment, apparently looking for something.

"Where the fuck is that fucking- Oh! Morning!" He stopped, suddenly, when he saw Frank, and smiled at him. Frank smiled slightly in return, but a frown was more evident.

Gerard hadn't woken up before him in… A while.

Frank took in Gerard's appearance too, and noticed, though still casual he looked… A little smarter. His hair, which sometimes Gerard ignored for days, had clearly seen a brush this morning, and then Frank spotted the bag by the door, just a simple black shoulder bag but… He'd never seen it before.

He looked back at Gerard, eyes slightly narrowed.

"You're going somewhere."

Gerard's smile faltered slightly, and he looked away from Frank, almost guiltily.

"Yeah… I- I was gonna tell you before I went though. I just… I have to go back to work, Frank. I-""It's okay. I'll… I'll be okay on my own." Frank said, more surely than he felt.

In reality, he'd felt a massive jolt of fear run through him as soon as he realised.

He was going to be left, on his own, for most of the day.

Now, before, being alone hadn't been a problem for Frank, he'd liked being alone, even. After all, he'd been very much alone when he first got to the city but…

Now. So much was different. There was so much that scared him, worried him.

Frank suddenly realised just how much he depended on Gerard. Not just for the things he did for him, but for just being there in the first place.

Gerard frowned at him, and Frank knew he didn't believe him, Gerard knew Frank was just saying that.

But, he couldn't take more time off work, he could be waiting indefinitely for Frank to be okay to be left alone. Gerard had barely been out of the apartment all month. Only leaving, for a couple of hours, at most, to buy any essentials.

"I'm sorry but I-""Really, Gerard, it's okay, I'll be fine, promise." That time Frank even tried a smile.

Gerard was still frowning, but it wasn't like he had much of a choice.

"Okay." He said, nodding, then he walked back into the bathroom, apparently to continue getting ready. "Well… You know where everything is, um, help yourself to anything you can find in the kitchen." Frank followed him, listening, but just barely. In his head he was still panicking at the thought of being left alone.

Then Frank noticed what Gerard was doing.

He was in front of the mirror (which Gerard had replaced soon after the 'incident'), with a little black stick in hand.

For a brief moment, Frank was transported back, to the bathrooms at The Phoenix, a similar black stick tracing a similar line around his own eyes.

But the way Gerard was applying the eyeliner wasn't like the way Saint Jimmy had worn it, how Frank had worn it. This was thin, delicate and very neat.

When Gerard turned away from the mirror, Frank felt a strange little jolt.

The small amount of black had made a big impact. Frank found it difficult to look away, but he did, conscious he was staring.

Gerard laughed. "What? Did I do it crooked?" He was half way to turning back to the mirror, before Frank blurted, "No!"Gerard turned back again, small smile on his lips, though clearly confused, and Frank realised he kinda had to continue now. "It… It looks good."

He could feel himself blushing.

The smile on Gerard's lips turned a little shy then. "Thanks." Then, checking his watch, "Anyway, I've gotta go. Um… See you when I get back."

Before Frank had time to realise, Gerard was already at the front door, hand on the handle. He paused there, frowning slightly then, clearly thinking something over. Frank had wandered back into the living room, and was watching Gerard, wondering why he'd stopped.

Then Gerard looked at him, looking worried. "Just… Promise me you'll still be here when I get back?"

Frank's eyes widened, surprised that Gerard had managed to tap into something that had, honestly, crossed Frank's mind.

Any thought of it left him now though.

"Promise." He said.

Gerard smiled again, then disappeared out the door.

Gerard got to the store by quarter to nine, the store opened at nine (or half nine, or ten… Pretty much depended on who was there and how late they were running that day), and considering he'd been off for so long, he was pretty proud of himself for managing to get back into the morning routine so easily.

As he let himself in, then locked the door behind him Gerard thought about the morning again.

He guessed it hadn't been so easy after all.

He'd known it would be hard, leaving Frank, but…

Fuck, he couldn't get the image of the look of panic Frank had when he realised he was going to be left alone.

Gerard pushed it from his mind, knowing he had to if he had any hope of getting through the day.

Ray was found in his usual place, sat behind the counter. He lived upstairs, so it wasn't like it was a shock he was there earlier than Gerard.

He looked up at Gerard.

"Finally." He said. "You realise the place has been falling apart without you?" Gerard looked around the shelves and racks of comic books around him. It all looked neat, tidy, seemed like everything was in place.

Still, it was nice to be wanted.

"Well, looks like you did okay…" Gerard started.

"You're never allowed a day off again." At that Gerard rolled his eyes, and headed behind the counter.

"Sure, Ray, sure." He said.

The day was pretty steady, and very quickly Gerard found himself falling back into this routine too.

Both him and Ray behind the counter, with Ray sat in his usual spot, leant against the wall, guitar on his lap, which he was playing, idly.

Yep. Nothing much changes, Gerard thought, with a smile.

"So." Ray eventually said, "What was this big important thing that meant you couldn't possibly make it to work for a month?"

Gerard was honestly surprised it'd taken so long for Ray to ask, but now it came to it, Gerard just shook his head. "It's a long story Ray."

"I've got time." Ray insisted.

Gerard sighed, he really hadn't wanted to get into this, but, he clearly didn't have a choice. "Okay, well. There's this guy-"Abruptly, Ray stopped playing. Gerard winced, realising that hadn't been the best way to start.

He kept his back to Ray, but could feel him staring. "Gee." Ray said. "Do not tell me you were gone for a month so you spend the whole time in bed fucking some guys brains out." Gerard's eyes widened, Ray wasn't often that blunt, and he didn't often swear, so both of these combined shocked and embarrassed Gerard in equal measure.

With a quick glance around the store, suddenly very aware that there were in fact a few customers, Gerard spun round, glaring at Ray. "Keep your voice down." He hissed. "My relationship status is not for the whole damn city to know. And _no_, that was not why I was gone."

He turned his back again then, and, for a short while, there was silence.

"So." Ray finally broke the silence. "Where were you?" Again, Gerard sighed, then turned. "There was this guy." He began, again. "He was passed out on the street and I… I kinda took him in. He was a junkie, but, uh… I've been helping him." Ray nodded, it was clear he understood a little better now. Then he asked, "Is he still at your place?" Gerard nodded. "Yeah… Today's the first day I've left him." "You know you're gonna get back home and he'll be gone and so will a bunch of your stuff, right?" Gerard fidgeted, uncomfortably at the suggestion. He had to admit, the thought had crossed his mind. "Maybe… I dunno, Ray. You haven't met him. He's… He's a nice guy. He just got caught up with the wrong people, I guess."

Ray shrugged, "Okay, Gee, sure. Whatever you say. Hey, if it turns out you get home and he's robbed you blind, you can stay with me a while until you get back on your feet."Gerard smiled, "Thanks Ray."

###

Back at the apartment, Frank found himself unable to stop staring at the door.

He could go. He could leave, so easily. He could just go and Gerard wouldn't know where he'd gone, and that would be it. He was so certain Jimmy was looking for him, wanting him back. He'd be able to find his way back to The Phoenix easily, or, even if he couldn't, he was sure someone from Jimmy's gang would see him, probably on the look out for him and then…

Oh God… Jimmy was going to be so mad at him…

And.

Wait.

Why exactly did he want to leave Gerard anyway?

He liked it here, he liked Gerard, he felt safe here. He didn't want to go back, he was glad and grateful for all the things Gerard had done for him.

He suddenly had a horrible image.

Gerard getting home. Finding that Frank was gone. He'd be upset. Hurt… Betrayed.

And… Frank had promised, hadn't he? Promised he'd still be here.

He was going to stay, wondering why the thought of leaving had ever even occurred to him.

**###**

"Oh my God! Gerard!"

He was crouched down, busily tidying one of the bottom shelves, which, along with the rest of the stand had just been raided in what was about as close to a rush as they ever got in the shop.

He looked up when he heard his name being called out.

"Oh, hey, Nikki." Gerard said, as he got to his feet. He smiled at his fellow employee. Then he frowned. "I, uh, didn't know you were working today too?""I'm not." Nikki said, shaking her head. "I just stopped by to make sure Ray was getting on okay. Ray! You didn't tell me Gerard was back!" She called over her shoulder in the general direction of the counter. "Didn't know until yesterday, Nikki." Ray called back.

Nikki wasn't listening though, her focus entirely on Gerard again, she was smiling, shyly. "I… It's good to see you again, Gerard. I- I mean, we, I mean, the shop… Missed you. Missed having you here and-""Thanks, Nikki. It's actually kinda good to be back."

Gerard thought of sleepless nights and items broken and torn. Of hurled abuse and clenched fists.

Of peaceful sleep and uneasy smiles. Of apologises, promises and pleading eyes.

Fuck. He wanted to be back with Frank.

He looked up at the clock on the wall.

Three hours left.

He could do it.

"So. Where were you?" Nikki snapped him back to now. Before he could answer, however, she'd started talking again. "Did you go away? Wait. No. It was short notice, I know that. Man, Ray was fucking pissed that day, but I think he was just worried. Oh my God! It was an emergency, right? Is Mikey okay?"

Gerard laughed. When Nikki got on a roll, she really went for it. "Hey, hey, it's okay. Yes, Mikey is fine, thanks for asking. And… No. I didn't go away… It's kinda a long story."

He didn't want to explain it, again. He especially didn't want to explain it to Nikki. Not because he didn't like Nikki, just… She could be a little over enthusiastic, and what if she wanted to meet Frank? That would be a whole new headache in itself.

"Oh. That's okay." Nikki said, and for a second Gerard actually thought she'd dropped the subject. "Maybe you could tell me over, I dunno, like, coffee sometime-""Nikki." Gerard sighed. _Here we go again. _Gerard thought.

"Not like a date or anything!" Nikki insisted, her cheeks flashing crimson, betraying her completely. "I mean-""Gerard!" Ray called, from the counter again. "Phone! It's Mikey."

Silently Gerard sent a little prayer of thanks to his younger brother for somehow being able to time his phone call almost perfectly.

"Speak to you later, Nikki, I gotta take this."

He knew he was being kinda an ass, but after what was now two years of Nikki not taking the hint, Gerard wasn't sure what else he could do.

You know, except for literally screaming at her, _"I. Am. Gay!" _

But that was a little too harsh, and he knew it. He'd tried to drop as many hints as possible. Fuck, even Ray had tried to tell Nikki that Gerard wasn't interested, not just in her, but in any girls.

Well, technically that wasn't true. But explaining he was bisexual with a preference towards other guys was just… More complicated.

And there was always a chance Nikki would take that as false hope.

_I'll just have to come in here one day with a boyfriend, see if she gets it then. _He thought. _Maybe she should meet Frank after all! _

That thought shocked Gerard slightly.

Frank… Wasn't his boyfriend. And despite the conclusion Ray had jumped to, Gerard hadn't even thought about Frank… Like _that. _

Or… Had he?

You don't usually stop and think about someone's smile for that long unless you have some sort of feelings for them, do you?

Oh shit…

Finally, Gerard took the phone from Ray, spoke to Mikey, trying not to think about Frank.

###

When he heard the key in the lock, Frank jumped up from the couch.

He didn't know why, perhaps because he'd been nervously waiting for Gerard all day?

Because now this meant he'd made it a whole day without Gerard there?

It was a lot of things, that Frank was sure of. Perhaps a little part of him had expected Gerard not to come back. Though that was crazy, this was Gerard's home after all.

But still, crazy or not, he'd been worried.

He felt an odd bubbling of excitement when he saw Gerard walking in.

_I forgot how good the eyeliner looks on him._

Wait. What the fuck was that about? What did the way Gerard looked have anything to do with… Anything?

Gerard caught sight of Frank immediately, and smiled. "You're still here." He said. Frank nodded.

"Good."

Was he imagining the look of relief on Gerard's face? He didn't think so.

The evening passed easy enough. They ate, then sat and watched TV. Mindless shit, as always, but still. Frank couldn't help thinking… He was kinda happy.

The only thing troubling him was the fact he couldn't stop himself glancing at Gerard every couple of minutes.

He just hoped Gerard hadn't noticed.

Gerard was only half watching the film on TV, finding himself very aware of the fact Frank was sitting closer than he usually did.

When had Frank started doing that?

_It's a good thing. _Gerard told himself. _It means he's becoming more comfortable. _

The only downside was, it was making Gerard uncomfortable.

But that wasn't strictly true either.

He liked having Frank close.

_Having him a little closer wouldn't exactly be a bad thing either._

Oh holy shit…

When the scene in the film suddenly turned from a fast paced gun fight/car chase into an equally fast paced, and almost as noisy sex scene, Gerard very quickly flicked over the channel.

_Oh yeah. Great. That wasn't fucking obvious at all! _

He glanced, a little nervously, at Frank.

He got a serious shock when he did.

Frank's head was down, eyes wide_, _he looked very, very pale, worse than he had in days.

"Frank, are… Are you okay?" Suddenly Frank looked up, staring at Gerard.

Then he blinked, rapidly, forced a smile. "Yeah. I just…" He paused. "I'm not a fan of… Guns." The lie stung Frank as it left his mouth. But he couldn't tell Gerard the truth could he?_"The sex scene freaked me out because I've been fucked and abused and used so much the very idea of sex now scares the hell out of me." _

No. He couldn't tell Gerard that.

He especially couldn't tell Gerard that, when it'd first started, before the sex scene had become a sex scene, and it was just the two main characters kissing…

He'd kinda imagined that was the two of _them_.

He hadn't meant to but…

"Oh! Right! Of course…" Gerard said, looking like he felt stupid for not realising Frank might have an aversion to guns. He was probably imagining Frank having guns pointed at him all the fucking time.

Truth was, yes, he had come across guns in his time with Saint Jimmy. But they'd never really scared him. He knew if someone shot him, whether fatally or not, the punishment that person would get from Saint Jimmy would be a hell of a lot worse.

Gerard found himself fidgeting, nervously.

Well, he knew one way to deal with nerves.

He got up, disappeared into his room, unaware that Frank had watched him go.

When Gerard came back, he had three things.

A pack of cigarettes, lighter and a simple black ashtray.

The ashtray he set on the arm of the couch, then, as he sat back down, he took one of the cigarettes out, putting it between his lips, then flicked the lighter, getting it to spark first time.

He closed his eyes as he inhaled. Fuck, he'd gone a while since his last one this time, it felt good, but harsh at the same time.

When he, oh so very slowly, exhaled, he opened his eyes again.

And caught Frank staring at him.

"I… I didn't know you smoked." Frank stuttered.

Gerard turned to look at him. A look of guilt on his face. "Yeah, I, uh. I tried not to smoke while you were… Um. Recovering. I figured you didn't need the added chemicals flying around." There was a slightly awkward silence. Fuck, the night seemed like it'd been full of them.

_What the fuck is going on?_

"Anyway, yeah. I smoke." Gerard shrugged. "Is… That a problem?" He asked, suddenly realising perhaps Frank had an aversion to smoking.

"No! No." Frank insisted, eyes going slightly wide. Gerard grinned a little, then asked, "Do you smoke?" Frank didn't answer right away, which he knew must've seemed strange. But eventually he nodded.

"Want one?" Gerard offered the pack, and Frank smiled. It'd been a while, but he'd kinda enjoyed it.

As Frank took one out, Gerard moved the ashtray so it was sat on the couch, between them. Then he handed Frank the lighter. Frank thanked him, quietly. Thinking how this was much nicer than the first time Jimmy had offered him a smoke.

Now why had he gone and thought a thing like that?All at once he remembered the first time him and Jimmy had smoked together, how Jimmy had simply given him the one from his own mouth, instead of giving Frank his own. How Jimmy had pressed in close.

Even then Frank had known what Jimmy was really after. It wasn't for Frank to be sucking on a cigarette, it was for him to be sucking Jimmy's dick.

He remembered, once, Jimmy smoking while Frank did just that.

Fuck. Frank's hands were shaking too much.

"Hey, hey." A soft, soothing voice broke through the harsh memories, and Frank looked up, saw Gerard looking at him, concerned. "I hope… Frank, you're not just telling me you smoke, right? Don't make yourself smoke because I am." Frank shook his head. Shit. Now Gerard thought he felt peer pressured.

Well, he had been, but not by Gerard. The damage was long done. "I'm just…" He forced a light laugh. "I guess it's been a while."

Then Gerard smiled, took the lighter from him. Gestured for him to move a little closer, which Frank did.

The lighter sprang to life easily once again, and Gerard lit the cigarette for him. Then Frank sat back, smiled.

He'd actually forgotten, he did like it, did enjoy smoking. Even if most of the memories that went along with it weren't so great… He was making new memories now. And they were much, much better.

He looked over at Gerard and smiled.

_Oh fuck. _He thought. _I'm fucking falling in love with him, aren't I? _

They managed to pass most of the rest of the evening without further awkward silences.

As it got late, Gerard asked if it was okay with Frank if they could swap beds from tonight.

"I'm so fucking tired from work, could use my own bed again. If you don't mind? Out here is comfy too, I promise, it's just-"But then he saw Frank nodding, smiling slightly, perhaps a little amused by Gerard's apologies.

Gerard laughed, embarrassed, knowing he'd been rambling. "I'll help you set the bed up." He said.

Of course, Gerard ended up doing it all for Frank, as Frank had no idea what he was doing, even when Gerard told him what to do.

This lead to laughter from Gerard, and uncomfortable blushing from Frank, who felt useless.

"You'll get the hang of it." Gerard promised, grinning at Frank in that way that begged a smile in response.

Even though he was in his own bed, Gerard didn't sleep well. At first he told himself he was just overtired and it'd take a while to settle.

But he knew that wasn't it, he didn't have that heavy feeling that typically came with that. He knew it was really that his thoughts were rushing around his head too fast.

And all those thoughts centred around the boy asleep just the other side of the door. A little of it was still worry for him but mostly…

He felt guilty. He hadn't meant to develop feelings for Frank, that had never been the idea.

But, planned or not, there it was.

Of course, it had started off as simple affection, care. He'd expected that, looking after someone the way he'd been looking after Frank meant that was basically a necessity.

But he'd noticed his feelings change towards Frank. It wasn't simple anymore.

He told himself it was just a crush, he should ignore it. If he did anything that let Frank know what was going on he ran the risk of scaring him. Or, worse, Frank could think that was the only reason Gerard had taken him in, to hook up, when that wasn't the case at all. He hated the thought of him thinking Gerard was looking to take advantage.

It was best to ignore it, to pretend he wasn't feeling this way.

But it was getting harder to ignore.

That much had been made ever clearer tonight.

Without thinking, Gerard got out of bed, went to his door and opened it to look out into the living room.

He saw the couch, well, bed as it currently was. Saw Frank asleep.

It was good to see him sleeping peacefully, finally.

Gerard forced himself to turn back around, go back to his own bed, trying hard to resist the urge to go over to Frank.

_Well. You've fucked this up nicely, haven't you? _He scolded himself.

Sleep eventually came for him, and when it did, he dreamt of Frank.

In the morning he wouldn't even admit to himself what those dreams contained.

###

Gerard went to work again the next day, Frank wasn't awake when he left, so Gerard left him a note, saying much the same as he'd said in person the morning before.

He'd gone to work.

Food was in the kitchen.

He'd be home about six.

He hoped Frank would still be here when he got back.

Frank found the note stuck to the front of the TV, so it was one of the first things he saw when he woke up.

He felt a little sad that he'd missed Gerard. He was slightly annoyed that Gerard hadn't woken him up.

Frank did realise Gerard hadn't done it maliciously. He just wished he'd had a chance to say goodbye before Gerard left for the day.

Frank threw himself back down against the pillows, trying to get his head to shut the hell up.

####

"So. Still had a home to go back to last night?" Ray asked, grinning slightly. Gerard just nodded, obviously distracted.

"And the guy was still there?" Again, Gerard nodded.

"He still there now?"

Another nod.

"Gerard. Am I going to get an actual verbal response this morning or are you going to continue acting like you had your tongue cut out?"

At that Gerard looked up sharply, frowning, obviously trying to figure out what Ray had just said.

Ray sighed, exasperated. "You've barely said a word to me all morning, now what the fuck is going on?" Gerard shook his head.

"Words! Gerard!"

At that Gerard rolled his eyes, sighing as he finally gave some kind of explanation. "I'm just… I'm just tired Ray, I didn't get much sleep last night." Well, at least it was true.

Ray nodded. "Okay, how come?" Gerard closed his eyes, despairingly, fuck, he didn't want to get into this.

"Gerard…" Ray wasn't letting this go though. "This is about that guy, right?" Gerard dropped his head to the counter, the hard wood against his forehead doing nothing to calm or soothe him. "Did he do something? Gerard, he's not… He's not dangerous, is he?"

Gerard felt like laughing.

Frank? Dangerous?

Then his mind flashed back to the times Frank had tried (and, occasionally succeeded) to hurt him.

He felt instantly bad for thinking of that. That had all happened while Frank hadn't been… Right. When his body and mind were wracked with pain unimaginable to those who'd never been through it themselves.

The real Frank? The one he'd glimpsed a few times during that nightmarish time, the one he saw all the time now? No, he wouldn't hurt Gerard. He didn't know a whole lot about Frank, but that much he knew.

Still from the counter, Gerard shook his head, then, before Ray could yell at him again for not answering verbally Gerard followed up with, "No, Ray, he hasn't done anything to me."

Then there was a long silence. Gerard could tell Ray wasn't done, he was just thinking his next words over very, very carefully.

Which worried Gerard.

Finally, carefully, Ray asked. "You said… You said you were helping him come off drugs, right?"

Gerard lifted himself off the counter then, and looked at Ray, and, not caring if he got rebuked or not, he nodded, not liking where this was going. "You… You _did _get him off the drugs, right? You-""Think very fucking carefully about who you are talking to before you ask that next question, Ray." Gerard cut in, his voice hard, allowing no room for mistake. And Ray nodded, looking relieved. "I'm sorry Gee, I didn't mean… You know I only ask because I care."

Gerard smiled, despite the uneasy feeling he still had. "I know. Can we just leave it now? Look. I'm tired. I'm tired because of something to do with Frank, can we just leave it at that?"

"His name is Frank?"

At that Gerard smiled brighter now, suddenly realising he'd never said before. "Yeah, Ray, his name's Frank."

Ray grinned at him, knowingly.

"What?" Gerard asked, the smile dropping slightly.

"Knew it." Ray said.

"Huh?" "You like him." Ray replied, making Gerard's eyes go wide. He opened his mouth to say… Something.

A denial? Or confirmation?Gerard never found out, as Ray got his words out first. "I may miss some stuff Gee. But there is no mistaking that smile. You like him and it's driving you crazy."

"I-" Gerard stuttered.

"You should bring him here one day, I'd like to meet him."

"But-" When he realised he didn't have a good argument for that, Gerard gave up.

Then he sighed. "I dunno. We're not… We're not together. He doesn't know I like him and… I don't know if I'll tell him."

Ray rolled his eyes. "Stop being so afraid, Gee, it's about time you had someone who makes you smile like that."

That was apparently the end of the conversation, as then Ray settled back in his chair, picked up his guitar and started playing something soft and happy.

Gerard stood, marvelling at the conversation they'd just had, how much information Ray had managed to get out of him in such a short space of time.

He thought about the last thing Ray had said.

He thought of Frank.

And he realised how badly he wanted that.

Fuck. It was going to be hard to resist saying something now.

###

The awkwardness was there again that night. Though they both ignored it, thinking it was their own doing, not realising the other was acting strange too.

Things kinda… Escalated dramatically later that night.

Gerard had gone to get dinner, leaving Frank in the living room.

Though the TV was on, Frank wasn't watching it, he was too busy thinking, like he had been all day.

Frank had got in the habit of eating very fast, something else left over from his time with Saint Jimmy.

Jimmy's moods changed so rapidly, and he could change his plans at any second. Either you ate when food was in front of you, or you ran the risk of Jimmy getting distracted, whisking you off somewhere before you got the chance.

Since staying with Gerard, truthfully, he hadn't eaten much. Not that Gerard didn't offer, didn't provide when asked, just that food had been the last thing on the list of things Frank had wanted.

Now though, with his body almost back to normal, demanding food and drink more than it did drugs and alcohol, Frank had started eating more regularly. And he found the old habits from Saint Jimmy to still be present, though he attempted to slow down.

Gerard suspected the fast rate had something to do with Frank's past, though he assumed it had more to do with Frank not liking the feeling of being watched.

Trying to be as subtle as possible about it, Gerard left the room.

Frank knew what he'd done, of course. And he was grateful that Gerard was trying to understand.

He dreaded when Gerard would eventually ask why.

But, Frank reasoned, he knew he would owe Gerard that much at least. For everything he'd done, Frank owed so much.

He'd been thinking about that a lot.

By the time Gerard came back into the room, Frank was nearly done eating already, as he saw Gerard though, he slowed down once again, a little self-conscious.

Gerard smiled as he noticed this, and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. Frank set the now empty plate on the floor by his feet.

He mumbled something that Gerard didn't quite hear. "What? Sorry, I didn't-""I can't pay you back." Frank repeated, loud enough to be heard this time. Gerard frowned, surprised by the assumption he expected to be repaid. Then he smiled again, "Don't worry about it." He said, gently.

"I… I can, um… I…" Frank said, nervously, not looking at Gerard, who waited, patiently for Frank to find his words. "I can repay you… Some other way though." Frank finally said. And, progress, he turned his head slightly in Gerard's direction, though he didn't look up. Gerard laughed, lightly. "I honestly don't expect you to repay me, okay?" But Frank shook his head. "I…" He didn't finish his sentence, instead he shuffled slightly closer to Gerard, then slid off the couch, onto the floor. Gerard watched him, trying to figure out what he was doing. Frank was in front of him, but it wasn't until he pushed Gerard's legs apart, and moved in between them, that Gerard started to get the idea.

_Where the fuck has that shy boy who can barely look me in the fucking eye gone?!_

"Um. Frank. Really. No." Gerard said, firmly. Frank wasn't listening though, he grabbed Gerard's thighs, pulled him closer, then he was reaching out, fumbling with Gerard's belt, trying to undo it. Gerard tried pulling his hands away, but Frank was determined, kept going back, eventually undoing the belt, unbuttoning, unzipping his jeans.

Gerard felt Frank's fingers brush over his dick, suddenly felt a rush of heat. Well, it had been a while hadn't it? And it wasn't like he wasn't attracted to Frank…

"Frank. No. I don't-"

"I'm good, I promise, okay? Everyone always says so." Gerard felt his heart sink, he felt sick. What the hell had happened to him? What sort of world had Frank been living in that sexual favours were currency? 'everyone always says so'. How many had there been?

As Frank reached for him again, Gerard grabbed both his hands, holding them still. Startled, Frank looked up, met Gerard's eyes, and Gerard tried not to pay attention to what he saw in those eyes. "Frank. Listen to me. I do not want repaying, in any way. But especially not this way."

Frank looked away again. "Oh."

Gerard let go of his wrists, and Frank hurriedly got up, sitting back on the sofa, noticeably as far away from Gerard as possible.

The silence was uncomfortable once again, and Gerard couldn't figure out a discrete way of fixing his jeans. In the end he just did it, feeling indescribably dirty and wrong, even though he'd done nothing.

Frank watched him out of the corner of his eye, making sure Gerard didn't see him looking.

He was confused by Gerard's refusal. Was he really that disgusting?

Maybe the 'everyone says so' comment had done it. Gerard thought he was a whore, he didn't want to be touched by someone so unclean.

Could he really have argued if Gerard had actually come out and said that?

Not really. A string of images, him and various naked and half naked men. Sucking them off, letting them suck him off, fucking him.

How many of them had called him 'whore'? He couldn't remember. Too many.

Frank hurried to stand up, not certain where he was going to, just needing to get away. He was so fucking embarrassed, so ashamed.

Why the hell had he done that? What the fuck was wrong with him? He didn't want Gerard knowing anything about his past and now he…

Fuck.

Silently he cursed Saint Jimmy, once again, for screwing him up so badly. If it wasn't for him, Frank wouldn't have even thought that was something he should do.

He guessed there was still a part of him that was messed up by the drugs too. Yes, he was over the worst, but no way would someone of sound mind try to…

Shit. He'd really just tried to suck him off… And Frank knew, he knew he'd gone back to his 'Jimmy' mentality. He'd felt himself become detached, cold, like what he was doing was nothing.

He hadn't wanted to show that side of himself to Gerard.

He had to get away.

But then he felt a hand grab his arm, stopping him. Frank looked around, saw Gerard, then tried to yank his arm free. It didn't work. Gerard's grip was too firm. "Frank. I think… What just happened, we need to talk about it. We can't-""Let me go. I don't want to talk about it! I'm sorry. It was a stupid mistake. I don't even know why I did it. Forget it." Frank told him, still trying to free himself.

"I can't forget it Frank. That wasn't… It's not something I can just ignore. Was that something to do with what happened before you came here?"Frank felt like crying, perhaps he was, he just didn't realise it yet. "Gerard, please, let me go. I don't want to talk about this."

Gerard shook his head. "I think we should, I think we need to Frank. Just, sit down with me again, we can go as slow as you like, just-""No!" With one final tug that managed to hurt both his arm and Gerard's wrist, Frank finally got free. "Now I fucking see, you just want me to sit down with you because you've changed your mind, right? You decided you kinda like the idea. Or maybe you did all along, you were just pretending to be shocked, to make me feel bad. Fucking playing with me. Just like Saint Jimmy. Fuck. You're no fucking different!"

Frank didn't believe the words coming out of his mouth, and he hated himself for every one of them. Knowing he was hurting Gerard. But he was so wound up and confused and just desperate to be left alone.

He ran to the bathroom, not looking to see if Gerard was following, he had the sinking feeling that he wasn't.

Gerard heard the door slam, lock from the inside.

His wrist throbbed, but that pain barely registered.

Shit. He knew he shouldn't have pushed Frank so hard but he'd just thought that if Frank talked about it, got it in the open, it would help him.

He hadn't expected it to go so wrong.

And another thing…

Why did the name Saint Jimmy sound so familiar?

###

Neither were quite sure how much time passed before Frank came back into the living room.

When he did, it was obvious he'd been crying, obvious he was trying not to now.

As soon as he heard the door open, Gerard stood up, turned to look at him.

Frank looked almost as small and scared as he had the first day he'd been there.

"I'm sorry."Said by both simultaneously.

Silence, and uneasy smiles exchanged.

"I'm sorry I tried to get you to talk about… Things you don't want to." Gerard was first to get his full apology out. "And. Please, believe me, the idea of trying to…" He paused, took a deep breath. "Take advantage or 'play' with you was never… I just wouldn't."

Frank shook his head. "I didn't really think it was. I was just, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry for everything. I've screwed up so much tonight."

Gerard's turn to shake his head. "You haven't screwed up. I'll admit I'm confused as hell about a few things but…""I can't tell you, Gerard. I'm sorry, I just… I can't." Frank said, desperately, hoping Gerard wasn't about to ask him again.

Frank was relieved when Gerard nodded. "I know. I get it."Then, after a long pause, Frank asked, "Can we… Can we just forget all this? I kinda want to just… Sit with you again." Frank winced, fuck… That sounded weird.

Then he saw Gerard smile, nod.

They resumed their own pattern of normality then. Then next shock coming as they both grew tired.

Frank shuffled closer to Gerard, leaning on him slightly.

Gerard looked down at him, saw his eyes were closing. Gerard smiled. "I think I'd better let you get some sleep." Frank shook his head. "Stay a little longer."

Gerard wondered if this was his punishment for having feelings for Frank. To have Frank be so complicated.

Was this actual affection now? Or just a want for comfort?Did it really matter?

"Okay." Gerard said, very slowly and carefully putting an arm around Frank, ready to stop if Frank asked him to. He didn't. In fact, Frank smiled a little.

"I'm here." Gerard told him.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N - Well hey! Another nice, quick update, I'm pleased with myself :) **

**Thank you, as always to my lovely reviewers, you guys are awesome!**

ChemicalTeardrop - LOVE the pokemon reference! Ha! Totally awesome! And hmm... You get half a cookie, for being half right. But you won't find out why until later ;)  


**Gasoline Diamond - You'll find out about why Saint Jimmy sounds familiar this chapter. Not as bad as it seems, promise ;) Well, not yet anyway... **

**I also noticed I gain a couple more followers for this story, so thank you to you too! **

**Alright, well, this chapter focuses very heavily on Frank and Gerard's slow progressive relationship. And, we finally catch up with Saint Jimmy (hint- he is not happy)**

**Oh, and a quick added warning... There's mentions of self harm in this chapter. Brief, but it's there. **

**Anyway... Um, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, don't be silly.**

**#################################**

Frank had thought about Gerard like _that_ again.

And he hated himself for it.

He hated thinking about Gerard in less than appropriate ways. It made him feel uncomfortable. But he couldn't stop it from happening.

He wasn't sure exactly when it had started, if it had been once he'd got clean, of if it'd been sometime during the withdrawal stages… Not that he'd had many coherent thoughts at that time.

He did know that when he'd offered to suck him off as a way of repayment, well, that hadn't been strictly 'business'. There was a tiny, tiny part of him that'd kinda… Wanted to do it.

He'd wanted to pull down Gerard's jeans, tug down his boxers, wanted to see him, wanted to touch him, get him hard, to take him into his mouth, to taste him, to-

Fucking hell he'd done it again…

_Stop thinking about him like that!_

There had been a part of Frank that had been so grateful to Gerard for saying no, for telling him he didn't want Frank doing that.

Then of course there was the part that had felt fucking awful because he knew what he must've looked like at that time, on his knees, between Gerard's legs, grasping for him.

He just wanted to stop thinking about Gerard in a sexual way. He was certain Gerard wasn't interested. He didn't even know if Gerard was into guys.

And it wasn't even like he wanted to do any of these things, not really. None of them where good things in his mind, it was all bad. It all hurt, in some way or other.

He didn't want to think about Gerard hurting him, or about him hurting Gerard, he just…

He liked Gerard.

Simple as that.

Complicated as that.

###

Gerard spent most of the next day distracted. Thinking about the events of the previous night, trying to figure them out. Trying to figure out how he felt about it all.

And, a constant nagging in the back of his head.

Just who the fuck was Saint Jimmy?

When it finally came to him, Gerard felt like kicking himself, it was so fucking obvious!But, then, the next question was… What did Saint Jimmy have to do with Frank?And did he have something to do with last night?

The more he thought about it, the more he was certain the two things were connected, though he wasn't sure how.

That night, Gerard brought it up with Frank.

And that set off another whirlwind of events.

"How do you know Saint Jimmy?"

Frank was just coming back into the living room when Gerard asked the far too casual sounding question.

He froze at the mention of the name.

"You said last night, about Saint Jimmy. How'd you know him? Did you work at The Phoenix for a while?"

Frank felt his entire body go cold. Gerard knew about The Phoenix?

_No. No. Please. No. This can't be what I think it is._

Realising Frank hadn't answered him, Gerard finally looked up.

When he saw the look on Frank's face, he knew he'd said entirely the wrong thing.

"Frank. I-""How do you know about The Phoenix?" Frank interrupted. His voice strong, firm, steadier than he'd expected it to be.

He felt heavy, like he couldn't move, but at the same time as if he were about to fall down at any second.

He didn't give Gerard a chance to answer.

"How do you know about Saint Jimmy? What do you know about The Phoenix?" Frank heard himself getting louder, felt himself begin to panic.

_Gerard knows about The Phoenix, that means he's been there, he knows about Jimmy, knows Jimmy's linked to The Phoenix. You only know that if you go there often, you only know that if you're INVOLVED._

Gerard stood, slowly, he could see Frank was upset, which, of course, was an understatement.

Fuck, he looked so pale, like all the blood had drained from him.

"Frank." Gerard said, calmly, moving a little closer. "I-""What the _fuck _do you know about him?"

Gerard flinched, expecting a full breakdown from Frank at that point, the way he'd screamed certainly reminded him of some of their darker times.

But he looked, and Frank was still standing there, albeit looking more terrified than before.

Terrified, Gerard realised, of him.

"Frank… I… I just know the name, I swear. I only, I met the guy once, twice, maybe. I went to The Phoenix because…" He paused, sighed. "Because my boyfriend at the time… He wanted to go. He'd heard about Saint Jimmy and, well, word was Jimmy was the best place to go for…" Again, he paused, looked up at Frank, glanced away again. "For drugs. So… He went to get some from Jimmy."

He looked up again, saw Frank still staring at him.

"How many times did you go there?" Frank asked.

Gerard shrugged. "I dunno… A few, I guess. I didn't… I just went along."

That's when he noticed Frank was shaking.

He was getting worse, they weren't free from the breakdowns just yet it seemed.

"Frank." Gerard said, gently. "I don't think… This wasn't a good idea, I'm sorry I brought him up.""Did you ever go into any back rooms?" Frank asked, ignoring Gerard's words entirely.

Gerard frowned. "What? What back- No, I didn't. Frank. What.. What about those rooms?"

"Room." Frank corrected. "Just the one. Only needed one. Gerard. Just. Just. Just promise me you never went back there!" And then he finally broke.

He was on the floor, back against the wall where he'd fallen against it, knees hugged tight to his chest.

And Gerard was across the room and knelt in front of him, reaching out for him, begging him to calm down.

Frank smacked his hand away. "Promise me! Fucking swear you never, you never-"He was shocked, he hadn't seen Frank like this for days, he'd thought they'd made progress. But, he realised, this was clearly a trigger point for Frank, he'd probably never be alright with this topic.

And just what was it about this room?Gerard didn't know, but he knew it was bad. And he knew that, and Saint Jimmy, were the main culprits behind Frank's pain.

"Frank. I swear, I promise you, I never, never, ever went into any back rooms at that place, I didn't even know there was. I promise, okay?"

Frank just stared at him a while, his eyes the only part of him that was steady. It felt to Gerard like Frank was trying to read him, search him. Then Frank nodded.

"Good." Gerard breathed, heavily relieved, he reached out for Frank again, who, this time fell easily into Gerard's arms, sudden tears streaming from his eyes as he did so.

"I'm sorry." Frank said, his voice choked and broken. "I was just so scared. I was scared you were one of them. And and… I didn't want you to be one of them. I trust you and I was scared you-""Shh." Gerard hushed him gently. "I'm not. Whoever 'they' are, I'm not, okay? I'm just me, just Gerard. Okay?" Frank nodded, silently.

"Shit." Gerard sighed. "What did they do to you?""I can't-" Frank choked, and Gerard hugged him closer. "I know, I know, I'm sorry. I don't expect you to answer."

"You'd hate me so much if I told you." Frank said, quietly. "You'd kick me out. I know it, and I wouldn't even blame you."

"Stop that." Gerard told him, firmly. "Don't talk like that, of course I wouldn't kick you out, now come on, let's get back on the couch, it's cold down here."

Frank nodded, allowed himself to be helped up.

No further mention of Saint Jimmy, The Phoenix or anything to do with Frank's past was made that evening.

It was that night that things became bad again.

Gerard was just about getting to sleep, when he heard him.

Frank wasn't screaming, he wasn't crying. He was talking. But not the usual murmurings of sleep. Gerard could hear every word.

"Not… Not tonight, Jimmy. Please?"

Already he felt sick.

"I- I-. But Jimmy… It. You'll hurt me. I got hurt last night."

He sat up in bed, frozen in place, all he could do was listen, horrified.

"Too many last night Jimmy… There were too many… Why'd you do that to me? What did I do?"

Had this… This can't have been a real conversation… Could it? It had to be just a dream.

"I can't tonight, Jimmy, please! I'm sorry for whatever I did to deserve that but if you ask for more tonight I'm scared I'll get hurt again and I don't want to Jimmy, it already hurts and I don't want to bleed anymore and-"Gerard thought he might actually be sick. Just a dream or not, Frank was stuck in a personal hell right now.

And there was no way he was going to leave Frank there.

He got up, turning on the light as he went. The door from his bedroom creaked loudly, but Gerard didn't care.

Frank was still talking, and Gerard did his best not to take anymore of his words in. The few that

got through were enough to make him want to cry.

Frank was curled up on the couch, in a tight ball, the blanket clenched in his fists. Gerard knelt down beside him. Gently rocking him, trying to wake him up, whispered his name. Louder. Louder. And louder still. All the while Frank kept talking in his sleep.

"Frank. For fucks sake, wake up!"

Frank opened his mouth, ready to say something, but there was no way Gerard was letting him. "_Frank_!"

Eyes snapped open, panicked, he looked terrified for a second, and Gerard was sorry to have scared him, but he'd had to. Finally Frank focused, his eyes landing on Gerard, a second as Frank fully took him in. Then, suddenly, and awkwardly, Frank sat up, throwing his arms around Gerard and holding on tight.

Relieved that Frank was awake, Gerard returned Frank's gesture, putting his arms around him, and he pulled him closer. "You're okay, I promise. I'm here."

"I- I was dreaming. But it wasn't just dreams it was… I-""I know." Gerard interrupted. Frank went silent then.

"Come on." Gerard said, helping Frank to his feet. Frank didn't question, just let Gerard lead him.

Until they got into Gerard's room.

Frank looked at the bed, the rumpled sheets and suddenly, he panicked. He tried to get out of Gerard's loose hold, which suddenly became tighter, making Frank panic more.

"Hold on, hold on Frank. Wait. Calm down."

Frank couldn't hear him, further away than he had been when he was asleep. Memories as vivid and more vivid than those he'd dreamt.

_Held down, a painful grip on his shoulder, hot breath on the back of his neck, trying not to scream each time he was penetrated, they hadn__'__t used enough lube and every stroke hurt and Frank just wished it was over._

"Frank!" He blinked, snapped suddenly out of it. Gerard had turned him round, to face him now, Gerard's hands were on his face, "Look at me." Gerard urged, and, without thinking, Frank nodded. "I am not going to hurt you, okay? I'm not even going to touch you, except maybe… If you want, I can hold you, comfort you. But I am not going to force anything on you. Alright? I want to keep you safe. I will not hurt you, you got that?" This time Frank knew exactly why he was nodding. His eyes were shining slightly. He'd never felt safer.

Gerard got into bed again first, then waited for Frank. "I'll stay all the way over here if you want me to. I'm just not leaving you on your own." Gerard told him. Then, slowly, Frank followed him. A brief hesitation, then Frank moved as close to Gerard as possible, who in turn took Frank back into his arms.

###

It was harder for Gerard to make himself get up and out for work the next morning. When he woke up, he found Frank still pressed close, his face almost completely buried against Gerard's chest, one hand loosely clinging to Gerard's shirt.

Gerard seriously thought about calling Ray, asking him for another day off. He could explain why now, he could say Frank had had a rough night, he needed Gerard, he-

Gerard knew he couldn't do that though.

He gently moved himself away, carefully prising Frank's fingers from his shirt.

Still mostly asleep, though awake enough to know Gerard had moved, Frank made a small, unhappy noise. "Shh." Gerard soothed. "I'm sorry, but I've gotta go to work." Then he kissed Frank's cheek, lightly. "I'll be back to say goodbye." He promised.

###

Gerard did come back to say goodbye, and by that time Frank was a little more awake, though it was a while after Gerard had gone that he fully woke.

At first he was confused as to how he'd ended up in Gerard's room again, hadn't he been sleeping in the other bed?

Then, little snatches of last night came back to him.

He remembered falling asleep, and then dreaming, dreaming about Saint Jimmy. About the Red Room about-

He remembered being woken up by Gerard. Then he remembered falling asleep again, in here, with Gerard.

Some other stuff got messed up in his head, some things he knew were getting muddled, but those things he remembered, clearly.

And he remembered Gerard promising not to hurt him, not to touch him.

Fuck.

Gerard knew.

Or, at the very least, he suspected. He'd guessed Frank's past, what he'd done.

So then why had he let Frank into his bed? Why had he let Frank close? Why had he been so nice?For the briefest of seconds, that cynical voice cropped up in his head again,

_Because he wants it too, now he knows you're easy._

But that didn't figure, did it? Gerard hadn't tried anything, he'd even promised not to, assured Frank he was safe.

And… He knew he was.

Frank thought about the way Gerard had so carefully got out of bed that morning, trying not to disturb him. He thought of the little kiss on the cheek, how sweet and… Innocent it'd seemed.

Frank couldn't remember the last time he'd thought of any kind of kiss as 'innocent'.

Jimmy flooded his head again then.

_Lips on his and teeth catching, biting. Kisses on his skin frantic and hot, more teeth, and licking tongue trailing after._

Gerard was so different…

And Frank liked that, he really, really liked that.

He wished he could tell Gerard that.

###

"So…" Ray began. "You talk to him yet?"

Gerard didn't answer at first, unsure what to say. Eventually, he shrugged. "No, not yet it… It didn't come up."

"Sure, because you didn't mention it." Ray said. Gerard felt himself becoming slightly annoyed, having to remind himself that his friend only wanted to help.

"Ray! It-" He made himself stop, before he really did lash out, unnecessarily. Fuck, when did he get so tense?

_Oh probably around the time you realised you're in love with the guy you brought in off the street. _

Gerard sighed, realising the frustration he had was, in reality, aimed at himself. "It didn't come up because, well, things were kinda crazy last night."

Now Ray looked concerned, staring at Gerard in that way that made him feel a little intimidated, but mostly just grateful. He knew that if he really was in any danger, Ray would step in to help him. "Everything alright? Didn't get nasty did he?" Gerard shook his head. "No, nothing like that. It's just… It's complicated. All I know is, the last thing Frank need last night was hearing that I like him in _that _way."

"Who's Frank?" Oh shit.

Gerard had forgotten Nikki was working today too.

"Umm-" Gerard stared at her, wide eyed, trying to figure out how to explain it to Nikki.

"He's the guy staying with Gerard at the moment." Ray got in first, making Gerard wonder why he couldn't have just said that. Why had the tried to make it more complicated than it actually was?

"Oh!" Nikki exclaimed, smiling. "So you got a room mate? That's great! Are we gonna meet him?"

"That's actually what I've been asking him." Ray said, grinning at Gerard.

Gerard scowled at him. "Yes. And I've said 'I don't know yet'.""So… Are you guys not getting on? That's a shame, but… I thought I just heard you say you liked him and-""Oh Jesus Christ, Nikki…" Gerard sighed, hand going to his head.

"What? I-"

"Nikki." Ray interrupted, "Let's put it this way, Gerard's waiting to see… How things go. It's complicated, okay?" Nikki frowned, looked between Ray and Gerard. She looked concerned, confused. But then she nodded. "Okay. I- I'm sorry Gerard if I-"Gerard shook his head. "Don't worry about it." But he didn't look at her.

When she left, Ray turned his attention back to Gerard. "And you. Go home." Gerard looked up then, surprised, and worried. "What? Ray I'm sorry if I-""You've not had your head on straight all day. Now, go home. Go to Frank, I know that's where your mind's really been the whole time. _Talk _to him Gerard. Me and Nikki can handle it here for the last few hours."

Gerard thought about protesting. But eventually he nodded, thanked Ray. Then grabbed his stuff and went. Stopping to make sure he said goodbye to Nikki.

He didn't go straight home though. He had an idea.

###

The young boy hurried up the road, glancing behind him as he did.

No one following, good.

It wasn't like he was going to anywhere less dangerous than the place he'd just got away from. But at least he was heading towards the devil he knew.

He soon found himself banging rapidly, anxiously on the door to The Phoenix. Bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited to be let in.

The door opened, and the boy scurried inside.

"Well?!" The voice called out, impatiently, from somewhere near the back of the bar.

The boy glanced around, trying to see where Saint Jimmy was, trying to figure out how close he was.

"Um…"

"You didn't fucking find him, did you?" Jimmy snapped, suddenly appearing from one of the booths.

"I- I- Tried Jimmy, I swear. But, the last place, they-""I don't fucking care!" Jimmy screamed at him.

The boy was suddenly very grateful Jimmy was so far away, but the scream still made him flinch.

He heard a crash, looked to see Jimmy had kicked over a bar stool, which had crashed into a table.

"None of you thick little fuckers seem to get it!" Jimmy continued. "Frank, _my _Frank, has been missing for nearly two fucking months! Now, I don't give a fuck who's got him, I don't give a fuck how far you have to go to find him, and I certainly don't give a single fuck about what happens while you're, or any of the others are trying to find him. You just fucking _find him_!"

Another crash, and the sound of glass breaking this time.

When Jimmy continued, his voice was quieter, but no less terrifying.

"And you bring him back to me. I'll deal with whoever's got him myself. Now, have you fucking _got_ _that_?"

The boy nodded, tears in his eyes and shaking as he turned to head out the door again.

"Be back by nine!" Jimmy called. "You've got work tonight Will, it's your turn to pick up Frank's clients."

Will shivered, he'd had to do that twice already.

A few of Frank's 'regulars' weren't so happy with having to put up with replacements.

The door shut again, and Jimmy continued taking his stress and anger out on the furniture in the bar.

When a chair made it's way behind the bar area, Johnny finally shouted,

"Jimmy! For fucks sake, enough of that! You won't have a fucking bar to work from at this rate."

Jimmy glared at Johnny, but came back over and sat down again, regardless.

"Seriously Jimmy… You need to calm down… It's been-""Nearly two fucking months, yes, thank you Johnny. I'm very fucking aware how long Frank's been missing. Don't you think that _might _be why I'm just a little bit stressed?"

Johnny smiled a little, coyly, then lent over, close to Jimmy, a hand on Jimmy's thigh. "I can help you with that stress." Johnny offered.

He yelped as he found himself shoved away, ended up sprawled the other end of the bench.

"Fuck off Johnny. I want Frank right now, not _you_."

Johnny glared at him as he pushed himself upright. "And why the fuck are you so bothered anyway?" Johnny demanded. "Why the fuck do you care? He's just another little errand boy. So what, one down, you've got plenty more. And need I fucking remind you Jimmy, you're putting the whole fucking lot of them at risk trying to find Frank. You do know the places you've been sending them, right? It's a fucking miracle they're all still here!"At that, Jimmy snapped his attention back to Johnny. "Yes. All of them except one, which is the whole fucking point, Johnny!"

"Why is he so fucking important?!" Johnny shouted back. "He's just another one of your little whores anyway!"

Jimmy slapped him, hard, making Johnny fall back, before Jimmy grabbed him by the hair, pulled him in close. "Watch your fucking mouth, Johnny. Or it'll be you I send to satisfy Frank's clients."

Johnny shook his head, Jimmy wouldn't, he knew he wouldn't.

"No more questions on why Frank's important. He just is. He's mine, and I fucking want him back."

Jimmy let go of Johnny then, roughly. And he stood up from the bench again.

Johnny heard a couple more glasses smash, then it went quiet.

It'd been a long two months.

###

When Gerard returned home he found Frank in his now usual place in the living room.

"Hey Frank, I… I got something for you."

Frank looked up at him, surprised, both by the fact Gerard was home early, and that he apparently had something for him.

"It's, uh, it's not much but…" Gerard put his bag down, then bent to rummage inside, eventually straightening up, coming over to sit with Frank.

He held out his hand, revealing a clear plastic container, within which was a smallish silver ring, easily recognisable as a body piercing one.

Frank stared at it, amazed.

"I, uh…" Gerard said, nervously. "I noticed the hole." Frank looked up in time to see Gerard tap his lip. He found his hand going to his own lip then, trying to feel for the still empty hole from the missing piercing.

Gerard continued, "I guessed you'd lost it or something. I wasn't sure what you wore, and the guy in the shop confused the fuck outta me. But, uh, I knew you wear a ring here." Another tap, this time to his nose. "So… I just-"Suddenly Frank leapt forward, grabbing Gerard's hand with both of his. Then, taking the piercing in one hand, he hugged Gerard, tightly.

"Thank you. Thank you, I-"Gerard laughed. "You're welcome. I hope, will it fit? I don't have a damn clue."

Frank let go, then dashed to the bedroom, going to the mirror, taking the ring out, his hands trembling just slightly, though for once, it was from excitement.

He slipped the piercing into place, wincing slightly, the hole had closed a little in the time he hadn't had it in. But then he smiled.

Gerard had followed him, and was now sitting on the end of the bed, behind him.

"It suits you." Gerard said.

Frank nodded.

Then he turned, looked at Gerard, beaming.

He hurried over, then bent to kiss Gerard on the cheek, smiling as he felt the familiar little pressure from the ring in his lip as he did.

###

Frank fell asleep early, and at first Gerard thought that might be a good thing.

But then the nightmares came again.

Apparently they were one thing that was getting worse now Frank was off the drugs.

Gerard hadn't even got the chance to get to sleep before Frank started.

He wasted no time in getting out of bed, going to the living room, going to Frank.

He refused to listen to what Frank was saying, but he couldn't help it.

It was all painting a picture too awful to imagine.

"Frank. Please. That's enough now, wake up!"

When he finally opened his eyes, Frank backed immediately away from Gerard, suspicious and scared of anyone and anything near him.

Then, much like the previous night, there was an obvious switch, he could see Gerard now, he knew he wasn't in any danger. But unlike the previous night, Frank didn't move close then.

Instead he hid his face and burst into tears.

Gerard, unsure of what to do, finally settled on getting up on the bed, beside Frank, trying to coax him closer. "It's okay." Gerard told him. "I'm here, you're alright."

Frank shook his head. "You… You heard me again, didn't you? You heard what I was dreaming?" He looked up, staring at Gerard, waiting for an answer.

Eventually, Gerard nodded. "Yeah, I heard."

Frank buried his face again.

"Frank. It's okay, I don't-""It means you know!" Frank exclaimed, hurt and frustrated, not believing his own dreams could betray him so cruelly. "You were never meant to fucking know what- What I did, what I was. But then I guess I kinda gave that away already by trying to blow you, huh? Stupid little fuck that I am. Guess Jimmy was right all along, huh?"

"Frank. Stop. Stop it, you're not stupid, and I-""Don't you fucking get it yet?" Frank snapped. "Don't you fucking see? I'm so covered in dirt and shit, I'm dirty beyond words, and though you've tried, and you've _tried_, I may be clean in one way, but never in another. I will never, never be clean of _them_."

Gerard tried to reach out, to comfort him, calm him down. "Don't!" Frank cried. "Why do you even want to? Why do you even want to touch me? You _know_! You know the things I've done. You know I'm just a dirty little-""Frank. Don't-""Whore."Gerard winced at the word, he hadn't wanted Frank to say it out loud like that.

Now there was no getting away from it.

"Frank." He said, gently. "I don't-""The thing is, you don't really know the half of it. You don't know how many. You don't know you were just the next in the long line of men I got on my fucking knees for."Again, Gerard tried to reach to him, to stop him, but Frank pushed him away. "And that's not all. What I wouldn't give to have only sucked them off. You know what's worse? Being sucked off. Because then you have to pretend you like it, that you enjoy it, when really your skin is crawling and all you want to do is push the bastard away from you. But no, you have to stay there while he sucks you and you can feel his tongue which he can't fucking keep still and all that time you have to try and stay hard, not get turned off, because then you're in serious trouble."Gerard had given up trying to stop him, it was no use, Frank wasn't stopping. All Gerard could do now was sit and listen.

And try to ignore the nausea that'd suddenly hit him.

"But, of course, the absolute worse is being fucked. Someone, inside you, pushing into you, and tearing pieces out of you as they go. Then that's only if you haven't got yourself some fucking weirdo, who wants to do nasty stuff to you. Usually painful stuff too. I've got scars Gerard, oh so many fucking scars. The bruises faded, but the scars remain. I'm fucking covered."

Then he finally looked up, looked at Gerard, saw the sad and horrified look on his face.

Frank sighed. "And now I've fucked this up… I'm sorry, Gerard, you weren't supposed to know. I didn't… I didn't want you to see."

For a while neither spoke. Neither moved.

Eventually Frank said, "Since I've messed up as much as possible, I might as well tell you one more thing, can't make things any worse."Gerard didn't say anything, just kept watching Frank, letting him know he was listening.

"I… Gerard I think I… I think I kinda like you. But that's fucked up and messed up and insane because… Because I don't like, I can't like anyone. I… I'm not even sure if I-"He stopped, suddenly, and looked up as he felt a hand on his own.

Gerard uncurled Frank's hand from the fist it'd formed, held it tight in his own as he looked at Frank, waiting to gain the eye contact he wanted.

"I like you too."

Frank frowned, searching Gerard's eyes, face, trying to find the catch, the joke, the misunderstanding.

Then Gerard was leaning closer, and Frank backed away.

"Gerard, I-""Trust me." Gerard told him, gently. Leaning in just a little more, he repeated the earlier action of kissing Frank on the cheek, though he lingered longer.

Frank had started shaking, Gerard pulled him in close. "I'm sorry." Gerard told him, "I'm sorry if even that's too much."

Frank shook his head, pushed him away slightly, "I just.. I don't understand. Why would you like me? Why would you still want me when you know-""We all have pasts, Frank. We all have scars."

Frank looked at him, trying to figure out what he meant.

They went back into Gerard's room again, and though Frank was fully awake this time, when he saw the bed, became aware of the hands on his shoulders, he backed away.

Gerard lent close, whispered in his ear. "I'm not asking you for anything, I promise, this is just about the nightmares."

Frank nodded, forced the memories back.

Gerard let Frank get in first, hesitated before following. He knelt on the edge of the bed, waiting. Frank turned on his side, looked up at Gerard, nodded again. "I can't get rid of the nightmares without you."

Gerard laid down beside him, pulled the covers over them both, once again waited, waited for Frank to come to him.

Their confessions of feelings for each other seemed to have both lifted tension and added a new layer of it. They both felt better for having said something, but neither knew what to do now. There was comfort in knowing the other felt the same, but there was still an uncertainty.

Gerard at least knew what he wanted, whereas Frank was now only more confused. He wanted to be with Gerard, but he wasn't sure how that would work out. The idea of everyday intimacy was scary enough, without taking into account the more… In depth intimacy.

And Frank still couldn't let go of what Gerard had said, about everyone having pasts, everyone having scars.

What scars did Gerard have? He hadn't seen them, but then again, he guessed Gerard hadn't seen his either, as numerous as they were, Frank somehow kept them all well hidden.

Maybe Gerard meant emotional scars, that made sense too.

Next morning, however, Frank discovered exactly what Gerard meant.

It was early, but already light, bright enough that the bedroom had a glow to it. Frank was awake first, glad to discover sleep had come for him after all, and he'd been free of nightmares once again.

Gerard was still beside him, arms very loosely around him, and Frank realised how tight he was holding Gerard in return.

He loosened his hold, and backed off slightly.

Took Gerard in.

He'd never been this close to Gerard while he was sleeping before. There were the few times, before Gerard had gone back to work that Frank had shared the couch with Gerard while he was still sleeping, but he'd never got close, hadn't dared.

Now Frank had the chance he looked, really looked.

Gerard's hair fell slightly across his face, hiding one closed eye, mingling with the long eyelashes. Frank tried, and failed to resist pushing his hair back off his face, get a better look. Frank's eyes went to Gerard's lips, and he wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

He succeeded in resisting that urge.

Frank pushed himself away a little more, slightly afraid of the thoughts he'd had.

Gerard shifted slightly, still sleeping, probably reacting to Frank's movements. His arm slipped out from where he'd been holding Frank, onto the pillow between them.

Frank moved to take Gerard's hand into his own, if only for a second, then he saw it.

He couldn't believe he'd never noticed, in all the times Gerard had been close to him, holding him, he'd never noticed.

Now he knew what Gerard meant by scars.

Just one, faded, but not much. Big, thick, messy, especially at one end, and stretching from one side of his wrist to the other, right across the veins.

Frank wasn't stupid, he knew what that meant, what'd happened, what Gerard had done, tried to do.

Frank's first instinct was to get away from him, he didn't want to be in the same room as him anymore. He wanted to get away, get away until he could forget that reality.

Not because he judged Gerard for it, but because he couldn't bear the thought of him… Of him doing that. Even trying that.

And instead, Frank moved closer again, held on tightly again.

He wasn't going to mention to Gerard what he'd seen, but, at least if Gerard brought it up, he'd be a little prepared.

Now Frank just had to stop picturing it.

###

By the time Frank woke up again, Gerard was awake. Still in bed, but sat up, reading.

He smiled at Frank when he saw his eyes were open.

"Morning."

Frank smiled back, memories of what he'd discovered were gone for now. He sat up, next to Gerard.

"No work today?"Gerard shook his head. "No work today."

It was about midday by the time they got out of bed. Frank went straight in the shower, and when he came out, he found Gerard already dressed.

"Just gotta go out for a couple of hours, gotta pick up some stuff, I'll be back soon." He promised.

By the door Gerard hesitated, looked at Frank, went to walk back to him, stopped again, then with a second goodbye and a promise to be back soon, he finally left.

Frank went back into the bedroom, found the book Gerard had been reading still on the bed.

He took it into the living room and started reading, careful not to let Gerard's bookmark fall out of place as he did.

###

To say Mikey Way was annoyed at his brother was probably a little inaccurate.

Well. He certainly was annoyed, but it was more borne out of worry than anything.

Two months? It had to be the longest the brothers had spent without contact. And for a lot of that Mikey had _tried _to get hold of Gerard.

It'd been a relief when he'd finally phoned the store and Ray had said yes, Gerard was there.

Mikey may have shouted, just a little, for making him worry. Said he'd almost called their parents (untrue), said he'd tried Gerard's mobile nearly a hundred times (true).

Eventually, once Mikey had calmed down, Gerard apologised, promised to explain, but he couldn't right then. Told Mikey he should come over to stay again, he could explain everything then.

"I missed you Mikey. I didn't mean to be unreachable for so long."

"What the hell happened, Gee? You had me fucking worried."

"I know… I just. I got kinda wrapped up in something. I'll explain when you come over."So, they'd agreed Mikey would come that weekend. A common occurrence, and again, it was odd they'd gone this long without it.

Mikey got to Gerard's door, didn't bother knocking, never did. Just took out his key and opened the door himself.

He'd opened his mouth to call to Gerard, let him know he was there, but before he did, he caught sight of someone in the living room.

Quickly, before the person had a chance to look around and see him, Mikey ducked back out and shut the door, quietly as possible.

He went a little down the hallway, digging his phone out of his pocket as he did so.

"Gerard." Mikey said, tightly, as soon as his brother picked up the call. "You do know there's someone in your apartment, right?"

He heard Gerard sigh heavily down the phone. "Shit. Mikey, I'm sorry, I forgot that was today."

"I'm going to ignore the fact you forgot about your own brother _again_, to ask you who that is in your apartment.""It's Frank." Mikey tried, really, really tried to stay calm.

"Who the fuck is Frank?!"It didn't work.

Another sigh from Gerard. "He's… A long story."

"He wouldn't happen to be _the _long story, would he, Gerard?" Mikey asked, hand going to his forehead, rubbing slightly.

Fuck he was getting a headache.

"Kinda…" Gerard replied.

Mikey's turn to sigh. "Fucking hell Gerard, you didn't think to tell me you had a new boyfriend, and that he's fucking living with you?"

"He's not-!" Gerard's voice suddenly sounded very panicked. "I mean we- He's not my boyfriend."

"Great, so I'm gonna have to deal with another scene like that one with Sammy, aren't I? Fuck, Gee, I wish you'd just warn me before-""Mikey! He is not my boyfriend, alright?"

Mikey paused, taking this in, but not completely believing his brother. "Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do now? Wait for you?"

"No." Gerard said. "Just… Go in. Say hi. But, um… I should warn you. He's, erm, he's a little nervous around new people, like, _really _nervous and-""Shit Gee, what have you let into your home?" Mikey asked, despairingly.

Yep, headache was definitely getting worse.

When Gerard spoke again it was quiet, sad, a little bit pleading. "Mikey, please, he's just… He's had a rough time. Just go in, tell him who you are. It'll be fine Mikey, please, I promise."

Mikey took a long time thinking about that, then he sighed. "Okay, I guess… You'll be home soon though, right?"

"Thanks Mikey, and yeah, I will. I promise."

Mikey hung up, then went back to the apartment door, stuffing his phone back in his pocket as he did.

Taking a deep breath, Mikey knocked on the door, and waited.

"You'd better not be like Sammy." Mikey muttered.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N - Not quite as quick, but I figure it's not too bad (considering how long I've been known to take!)**

**My reviewers, you are all awesome, thank you!  
Yotsuba - Thank you so much! I'm glad you think I've developed Frank's character well. And ha, yeah, Gerard really should've warned him! **

**ChemicalTeardrop - Yep, Jimmy is DEFINATELY pissed! Johnny is getting the worst of his temper, but everyone is suffering! And, yep, Frank would've realised Gerard's gay when he said 'boyfriend' (but Gerard didn't say that until later). And, okay, I'm gonna regret this but *hands you cookie* yep, you'll find out all about Sammy this chapter!**

**Xoxoroxas - Haha! Well, glad you're enjoying it! I know that feeling well! And... Quick enough update? **

**Thanks also to everyone who has been reading so far!**

**So, this chapter focuses a fair bit on Gerard, and his past...  
It's dark.  
There are some nicer moments too though, including a few nice little progressions in Frank and Gerard's relationship.**

**Well, I'll shut up and let you get reading, enjoy! :D **

**Discliamer: I do not own the boys!**

**#################################**

Frank had thought he'd heard the door open, but when he looked, it was still closed.

He was just imagining it.

Just hoping Gerard was home already.

Fuck, things were kinda complicated now, weren't they?Frank wished he'd waited a little longer before telling Gerard… Telling him he liked him. Just, just until the point where Frank could fully explain what he was feeling. But, then again, he wasn't sure he'd ever get to that point.

Fuck, he missed the days when liking someone was simple for him.

But that'd been a long time ago. It felt even longer.

He found himself thinking of home for the first time in months. He wondered if they were still looking for him. He kinda hoped not. Frank was pretty certain they wouldn't like what they found.

And, despite everything, he still didn't want to go back.

Especially not now, not now he had Gerard.

Frank tried to imagine telling his parents he was gay. He couldn't. He couldn't picture it. It'd never been something Frank had considered.

Would they tell him he was wrong? That he shouldn't, couldn't be gay?

Would they take him away from Gerard?That was the part that scared him the most.

Going back would, doubtless, mean leaving Gerard, permanently.

Frank realised how much that thought scared him.

And he realised that perhaps figuring out his feelings wasn't so complicated after all.

There was a knock on the door, and Frank almost physically jumped.

No one had ever come to the door before, or, if they had, Gerard had got there quickly, and sent them away.

At first Frank had thought he'd done that, sent people away so quick, because he was ashamed to have Frank there, ashamed of the thought of someone seeing such a wreck of a person in his home.

He didn't think that anymore though. He thought… Gerard did it as a way to protect him.

Now though, Gerard wasn't there.

And Frank was very, very tempted to just ignore the knock, pretend he hadn't heard it.

When the knock came again, Frank realised they weren't just going to go away.

He guessed he didn't have much of a choice.

Mikey waited impatiently for the door to be answered. Yes, he had a key, but if this guy was as nervous as Gerard made out, he wasn't going to just walk in unannounced.

It did, however occur to Mikey that perhaps they wouldn't answer the door at all.

Mikey sighed. He'd have to wait for Gerard, wouldn't he?

Mikey tried the door once more, not feeling very hopeful that it'd be opened.

Then he heard footsteps the other side of the door, then there was a pause.

And, finally, the door opened.

Frank didn't recognise the guy standing in front of him, which was a relief. His biggest fear had been opening the door and seeing…

Jimmy. Johnny. Any of them. He was so scared of being tracked down.

There was something slightly familiar about him, though Frank couldn't figure it out.

"Hey." The guy said, with a small, but warm smile (now there was something even more familiar about him, the smile was familiar) "Frank, right?"Frank nodded.

"I'm Mikey, Gerard's brother."Then it all became clear.

Frank recognised Mikey from the pictures Gerard had of the two of them, though they were all from when they were younger, so it hadn't clicked right away.

And the smile was familiar, because it was a lot like Gerard's.

"Oh!" Frank exclaimed. "You're Gerard's brother? He- He didn't say you were coming.""No." Mikey shook his head, rolled his eyes. "He forgot. But he knows I'm here, I just called him." Frank frowned slightly, then looked away, feeling suddenly self conscious, as he remembered how he'd heard the door open earlier, realised he hadn't imagined it, that it must've been Mikey. "You- You didn't know I was gonna be here, did you?"

Mikey shook his head. "No. But, it's okay. Gerard said he'd be home soon. So…" He glanced inside, pointedly.

"Oh!" Frank realised he hadn't done the one, very simple thing he should've. "Um, sorry…" Then he stepped aside, holding the door open, allowing Mikey to come inside.

He was a little surprised to note the bag Mikey carried in with him.

"Are- Are you going to be staying for a while?" Frank asked once Mikey set his bag down, and he'd closed the door behind him.

Mikey nodded. "Yeah. Just over the weekend, though." He explained.

Then Frank remembered what Gerard had said about the 'bed' in the living room, how his brother slept there when he stayed over.

Frank could feel himself begin to panic.

Mikey was staying over? Staying the night? A couple of nights even? How… How had Gerard thought this would be a good idea?

Never mind the fact that he was still slightly prone to breaking down, lashing out, the thing that concerned Frank most was the fact his nightmares were so bad. He was embarrassed enough that Gerard heard them, the thought of anyone else hearing them was terrifying.

He forced himself to calm down, wait for Gerard, he'd explain, Frank was sure.

Mikey was heading over to the couch, sitting down, and Frank decided the best thing to do would probably be to just follow him. He reasoned that Mikey seemed nice enough, and, he was Gerard's brother, how bad could he really be?

Frank sat the other end of the couch. Sitting awkwardly, pressed against the arm, hands clasped between his knees.

"You're uncomfortable, huh?" Mikey asked, and Frank looked up at him.

Then nodded.

And Mikey gave him that smile again, that one that looked like Gerard's but wasn't quite the same. "It's okay. I get it. I suck at meeting new people sometimes. Though I'm not as bad as Gee. Believe me."

Frank was surprised to hear that. "Gerard- Gerard's bad with new people?" Mikey laughed. "Oh. Yeah! I mean, he's great once he's talking to people. It's the first parts he's not so good with." "I wouldn't have guessed… He was great with me." Frank didn't realise he'd said that out loud until Mikey replied, "How did you guys meet? Gerard hasn't said yet and-""It's a long story." Frank blurted, louder than he'd meant to.

He could feel Mikey staring at him, but he didn't dare look.

Then Mikey laughed. "Okay, maybe we'll come back to that."

Frank nodded, daring a look at Mikey now, saw that smile again.

He smiled back.

Maybe this wasn't going to be as difficult as he thought it would be.

Gerard had been as quick as he could, anxious to get home now.

Was Frank going to be okay with Mikey being there?

Would they get on?And oh God please don't let Mikey say the word 'boyfriend' to Frank…

When he got back he cautiously walked in, calling out a hello as he did.

He was relieved to see Frank and Mikey sitting on the couch together, chatting.

Mikey looked pretty comfortable, smile on his face.

And Frank looked, well, a hell of a lot more comfortable that Gerard had expected. He looked a little awkward, like he didn't know how to sit, but… Even he had a small smile on his face.

Gerard got a returning hello from both of them, and they turned to look over the back of the couch at him.

"So… You guys getting on okay?""Uh huh." Mikey replied. "But don't you have an apology to make to both of us?" Gerard rolled his eyes. "Sorry I forgot you were coming, Mikey. And sorry I didn't tell you about Frank." Mikey nodded, accepting the apology.

Then Gerard came over to the couch, sat between the two of them, and turned his attention to Frank. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you my brother was coming. I should've." Frank nodded, his eyes cast down. Why was he finding it hard to look Gerard in the eye all of a sudden? Why did he feel embarrassed?

_Because you know his brother is watching you now. You're scared you'll give something away. _

He jumped when he felt Gerard's hand on his own. Looked up, saw Gerard staring right at him. That concerned look in his eyes again.

"You okay?" Gerard said, quietly. Frank nodded, he was.

Gerard sat back then, happier knowing Frank was alright. He went to take his hand away, when Frank suddenly grabbed it, held it tight.

Again Gerard looked at him, expecting to see panic or fear on Frank's face.

Relieved when he didn't.

Frank wasn't scared, but he did need Gerard, needed him there.

That was fine, Gerard could do that.

The three of them sat, chatted, Mikey occasionally teasing his older brother, pleased to have someone to embarrass Gerard in front of.

Gerard pretended to be annoyed, but he couldn't really get mad with his brother. And he discovered that Frank's laugh was more like a quiet giggle, and he liked that.

"Okay. Now's the time, how did you guys meet?" Mikey finally said.

Both Frank and Gerard went instantly silent, the tension in the room shot up.

"Um…" Frank mumbled.

"It's a long story." Gerard said, quickly.

Mikey sighed, seeming a little impatient now. "'it's a long story.' Really? I'm here until Sunday, guys, I doubt the story is that long."

Still neither said anything.

And Frank thought that maybe, actually, yes, it was that long. After all the questions that would follow, anyway.

"Mikey, it-"

"He found me on the street." Frank suddenly said. He couldn't stand the tension, and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Mikey stared at him, a little wide eyed.

Then he turned his attention to Gerard.

"Gerard? What, uh, what exactly does that-"Gerard was on his feet suddenly, letting go of Frank's hand as he did, grabbing Mikey's arm instead, dragging him up too.

"Mikey. A word."With a quick, apologetic look at Frank, Gerard dragged Mikey to the kitchen.

Frank watched them go, a horrible, sinking feeling in his gut.

He'd said the wrong thing. Was Gerard angry with him? And was Mikey- What was Mikey thinking of him now? Frank pulled his legs up onto the couch, curling in on himself.

Wanting Gerard back, reassuring him.

Scared he wouldn't.

"What the hell was that about?" Mikey demanded, shrugging Gerard's hand off him. Gerard looked nervously in the direction of the door. He didn't want Frank hearing this conversation.

"Keep your voice down, Mikey, please. Look, I'll tell you-""And what the hell did he mean, 'you found him on the street'? Now, Gerard, I don't think I'm being unreasonable when I say that sounds a little messed up."Gerard sighed, yeah, he had to admit, it hadn't sounded good, even though it was true.

Probably because it was true.

"Okay. Yes. It is messed up, but it's not as bad as you think. Look. I was walking home, and I saw him. He was passed out, in real bad shape. So, I took him home, I- I just couldn't leave him out there like that."Mikey was staring at him, wide eyed, but saying nothing. So Gerard continued.

"Then… He woke up and he was still in bad shape, you know… Withdrawal, and. I guess I decided to help him. I knew I could, Mikey, so-""Wait." Mikey interrupted. "You're telling me… He's a junkie? And you've been holed up here with him, all this time, just the two of you?"Okay, again, now it was put that way, it sounded really bad. "Yes, but-"Then Gerard noticed the intense way his brother was staring at him.

"Fucking hell Mikey, stop checking my eyes, I'm not-""You're lucky I'm not rolling up your goddamn sleeves." Mikey snapped. "Now. You be one hundred per cent fucking honest with me, Gerard. Have you-""No." Gerard said, forcefully, before Mikey could even finish the question. "Don't- Don't accuse me of that Mikey."Then Mikey nodded, his eyes cast down. "I'm sorry. You know how much it scares me." "I know."A quiet, sad silence filled the room. Then finally Mikey said. "So. Frank…""I helped him." Gerard said. And Mikey nodded. "Please… Don't judge him, Mikey, don't… He's such a nice guy he just… He's had a really bad time. I think I know some of it now, but… But not everything. He didn't want to be like he was, and he's so much better now."

Mikey nodded again. "I know. I can tell. He's, he's okay Gee, and I like him. Just… Shit. Promise me again he didn't bring any of that crap into this apartment?"Gerard shook his head. "He didn't. I told you, he was already bad when I got to him. He'd obviously not had a fix for at least a day, maybe two."

Mikey fell against the cupboards, hand going to his head again as he closed his eyes. Then, slowly, he nodded. "Okay. Okay Gee. Fuck… This is just… It's scary, alright? Can you at least appreciate how fucking scary this sounds to me?"Gerard nodded. "I can. But I'm okay, and so's he. We're so far past the worst of it now Mikey.""Alright, I believe you, I do." Then he paused, started smiling, which confused Gerard, a lot.

"He really likes you, you know?" Mikey said.

Gerard could feel something very much like a blush creep on him, tried to hide his own smile. He shrugged.

"And I _know _you like him too." Mikey continued.

Another pause.

"You're kinda cute together." Then Gerard looked up, startled. "Mikey. Do not say that to Frank, please." Mikey laughed. "Why? Has he got commitment issues or something? Worried about scaring him away?" Gerard shook his head. "It's… It's complicated Mikey."

Mikey had stopped laughing now, not quite understanding.

"Okay, well, you're not-boyfriend is probably getting edgy out there, we should go back."Gerard nodded, feeling guilty that he'd left Frank like that, probably wondering what was going on.

Frank felt both relieved and scared when he saw Gerard and Mikey come back in.

Then Gerard smiled at him, and he felt the fear drain away.

The brothers sat back down, and Gerard offered his hand to Frank, who took it, gratefully.

"I've explained it to Mikey now. He knows about me taking you in." Gerard told him, gently. The fear returned again then, full force.

What else did Mikey know?

Then Mikey leaned forward slightly, addressing Frank, and answering his question, "He told me you weren't doing so good when you got here, but you're better now. I- I know how hard that is, so, well done. I wouldn't have guessed if Gerard hadn't told me."

Frank knew that part was a lie. He saw it in the mirror everyday. Yes, he looked better, healthier, but he was still pretty sure he saw that 'junkie' look, just hidden below the surface.

Hearing Mikey tell him 'well done' though, that… Frank hadn't expected that. He had never expected any sort of congratulations for getting himself off drugs, it was what you were meant to do, wasn't it? Weren't people meant to judge you for being on drugs in the first place?

He found himself feeling… A little pleased.

Then, he said, shyly, "I- I couldn't- I wouldn't have done it without Gerard's help. I'd have cracked early on." "Don't deny yourself the praise, Frank." Gerard told him. "You did the hard part, not me."

Frank thought about this. He thought about the long days and the longer nights. About the headaches and the cramps and the sweating and throwing up and the haunting, haunting thoughts.

Then he thought about how Gerard was always there. Always at hand. He couldn't think of a single time throughout the whole process when he'd looked for Gerard and hadn't found him.

He thought about the times where his head was so messed up he didn't know where he was, what he was doing. Everything was scary, everything was a threat and he fought blindly.

And he thought about coming out of that, things becoming clearer, usually in the morning. Seeing Gerard again, seeing him trying to hide bruises. Feeling so fucking guilty, knowing he'd done it, but not being able to remember.

And Frank thought perhaps they'd both worked, suffered, only Frank was the one who ultimately benefited.

"I think we can agree it was a team effort." Frank said, again, quietly.

"It usually is." Mikey said, nodding. The brothers shared a look then, and Frank got the feeling he was missing something there, but he didn't ask.

A little later, the TV went on, though they continued talking throughout.

The three of them comfortable, relaxed.

"You know something, Gee?" Mikey said. "As much as I like spending the weekend with just you, it's nice to have someone else here too." Again Mikey leant forward, smiled at Frank, who smiled back. "Yeah." Gerard agreed, squeezing Frank's hand slightly. "I think so too."

Frank ducked his head slightly, embarrassed, but liking the weird, warm feeling he got when he saw the way Gerard was smiling at him. "And it's certainly nice to have someone here who, you know, I can actually get on with."Gerard sighed then, knowing where this was going. "Mikey…""What? I'm just saying, at least this isn't like when Sammy was here." That time Gerard groaned. _Uh huh. I knew this was where we were going._

"Mikey. Can we not-""Who's Sammy?" Frank asked. Gerard winced. He didn't want to have this conversation, at all. He especially didn't want to have this conversation with Frank there too.

"Just an ex." Gerard said, hurriedly, hoping if he got the barest information out, Mikey would drop the subject.

No such luck.

"Oh, sure, 'just an ex'. Gerard, it was hell when you were with him."

Gerard shook his head, but not like he was arguing. "Mikey, please…"

Mikey rolled his eyes. "Fine. I was just making the point anyway." Then, once again focusing on Frank, "It's really nice having you here Frank, you're easy to get on with." Then sitting back, Mikey muttered, "And you've not tried to practically fuck my brother while I'm sitting right here." "Mikey!" Gerard snapped. Annoyed at him for once again bringing up Sammy, and for the intimation about 'fucking'. Hadn't they been over this?

"I'm sorry!" Mikey snapped right back, but not like he was mad at Gerard. "But I hated the guy, alright? I just- Fuck."Frank could tell things were only going to get worse if he left the brothers to discuss this between them. He wasn't sure if his joining the conversation would help, but he guessed it could. Maybe it would be better to just get it out of the way, then they could move on.

"What- Um. What was so bad about him?" Frank didn't admit, even to himself, that a part of him wanted to find out what Mikey hadn't liked so he could make sure he didn't do those things.

Though his and Gerard's relationship was… Tentative, at best, Frank felt like he wanted to know what would make Gerard's brother like him.

Gerard looked at Frank, surprised he'd asked, and looking a little sad. He hadn't wanted to talk about this. He looked scared. And a little… Ashamed.

_You know my secrets. _Frank thought. _How can this be worse? What do you have to be ashamed of?_

"Well, for starters," Mikey said. "He was a complete dick."Gerard shook his head. "Not all the time Mikey, he wasn't. He- He was alright."

"To me, then. He was a complete dick to me. And you know it."A nod this time. "And I told him to stop.""And he ignored you." Mikey argued. "Gee." He continued, slightly softer now, "I'm not blaming you for how he was with me, I know you told him not to."Gerard nodded. His eyes were closed, his head down. Frank couldn't stop staring at him, more than usual. He looked… Fragile. Something he'd never seen from Gerard before.

This wasn't about someone just being a dick. There was more to it. But Frank couldn't quite figure it out.

"Then there was all the junk he brought here. I wonder if I ever actually saw that guy sober."

At that Frank froze.

Was that why Mikey didn't like drugs? Because of this guy?

Had he got Gerard caught up with them?"Gerard…" Frank said, tentatively, and Gerard looked up at him. "Was Sammy… Was he the one you went to The Phoenix with?" Gerard nodded. "Yeah. But, Frank, don't worry about that, I already told you, I never-" "I know." Frank didn't want Gerard saying anything about the room. He liked Mikey, trusted him, but he didn't like Gerard knowing about that place, he certainly didn't want Mikey knowing about it.

"What's 'The Phoenix'?" Mikey asked, looking from between them both.

Again Frank and Gerard looked at each other, wondering what to say.

Finally, Frank decided there was an easy way to put this.

"It's the place that got me messed up." At that Mikey nodded. "Sounds about right for Sammy then." He said. "Though I expect he went in looking for trouble, something tells me you didn't."

Frank thought back, trying to remember the first time he'd been there.

He'd gone in looking for a drink, nothing stronger.

Saint Jimmy had found _him. _

That was as close to having trouble finding you in person.

"And don't even get me started on his creepy vampire fetish."

Frank snapped his head back up when he heard that. Eyes wide, he stared at Mikey, then at Gerard, who sighed, shook his head again. "It wasn't so bad at first, he just… He was just, you know… Into it. I didn't realise he was going to-

"He tried to kill you." Mikey stated, harshly. Frank found he couldn't look at Gerard now, could only focus on Mikey. And Mikey looked so angry, his eyes hard, lips pressed in a tight line.

Now Frank knew why Mikey hated this guy so much. And Frank realised, he hated him too. He'd never met the guy but he… What had he done to Gerard?

Without meaning to, Frank squeezed Gerard's hand again, hard this time, like he was trying to reaffirm to himself that Gerard was still there. Then he felt Gerard's other hand close around their already clasped hands, rubbing slightly, reassuring.

"No." Gerard said patiently. "He didn't. He-" But Mikey interrupted him, sharply, "Gerard. He sliced your fucking wrist open.""Yes. But he wasn't trying to kill me he was just-""I saw it, Gerard!" Mikey was almost shouting, clearly frustrated with his brother now, for trying to downplay what'd happened. Like it hadn't been one of the scariest things they'd been through. "I had to be the one to get him away from you. He was going to-"Gerard, ignoring Mikey, seeing the pain in his eyes and hating it. Yes, he knew how terrifying that night had been for Mikey, it had been all too much of a blur for Gerard to be scared at the time. Now? Yes. The memories scared him. Because although he knew (as much as Mikey wouldn't listen) that Sammy really had had no intention of killing him, there was a very real possibility that he would've accidentally gone too far.

He hadn't been scared of him back then, though Gerard knew he should've been. Now… Now just talking about him was terrifying. It brought back a lot of memories, all made harsher without the rose-tinted glow of 'love' (Gerard knew now it hadn't been).

Gerard focused again on Frank, knowing this must be scaring him too. He hadn't wanted Mikey to bring Sammy up, not with Frank there, not yet. Now he had to explain it, see if he could make it sound less scary than it really was.

At first Frank wouldn't look at him, and Gerard could only imagine the thoughts, images running through his head. With a gentle hand on his knee, Gerard got Frank to look at him. He was still wide eyed, confused, worried.

Gerard wanted to reach out, calm him. But he couldn't. So he tried to rely on just his words, knowing it wasn't going to do as much good as he hoped.

"Me and Sammy, we both... Talked about the idea of... Um... Blood play. But... Uh. Sammy was more into it, I didn't mind talking about it, and-" He glanced at Mikey, feeling ashamed, but knowing this wasn't news to his brother. "we kinda fooled around with it a bit, I was okay with that. but he. Um…""Was fucking crazy." Mikey interrupted. "That's what he was. You do know what he was going to do, don't you?"Gerard still hadn't taken his eyes off Frank, looking for his reaction, but he seemed only blank. _He's even more scared now. Or have I reminded him of something? _

_Did something like this happen to him? _

"Yes, Mikey, I know exactly what he was going to do. And I'm very grateful you were there to stop him, but can we just-"Mikey wasn't listening, he was also talking to Frank. "The guy would bite down on Gerard's lip, trying to make him bleed, on purpose. I saw him do it, but Gerard always said it was fine, no big deal, they were only playing. Slashing open a vein wasn't exactly playing, was it Gee?"Frank was now completely focused on Gerard, though he heard Mikey's words.

This… This guy had cut Gerard, with the crazy notion of drinking his blood? That's what vampires did, right? If he had a 'vampire fetish' as Mikey put it, that had to be what Sammy had intended to do.

He'd tried to… To feed off him.

Frank reached out for Gerard's hand, the one on top of his, turned it over, then ran his fingers lightly over the scar there.

Frank had been wrong, Gerard hadn't hurt himself.

This was what had really happened, how he'd really got that scar.

Gerard was watching him, wide eyed. He'd hoped Frank didn't know about the scar, wouldn't make the connection, but he had.

He could feel himself starting to shake.

"Mikey. That's enough. Okay?" Gerard said, gently.

"Gerard, I'm sorry but-""Mikey." Gerard said, again, suddenly letting go of Frank's hands, standing up. "I- I can't."

And, without further warning, Gerard left the room.

Both Mikey and Frank watched him go.

Mikey felt awful, guilty. He knew he'd pushed too far. He shouldn't have brought Sammy up in the first place. He knew how bad it'd been, knew Gerard hated talking about it now. But… Once he'd started he couldn't stop. He couldn't push down the intense anger, so he'd kept going, not realising, though he should've, the distress he was causing Gerard.

And Frank… Frank had a feeling he couldn't shake. Something about the look Gerard had had, the more they continued talking about Sammy. A fear, but a very specific fear. Frank knew that look. He'd seen it in the eyes of the other boys in Saint Jimmy's 'service'.

He'd seen it, reflected back to him in the mirror.

Frank hoped he was wrong, very wrong, but…

Frank looked nervously at Mikey, almost asking his permission.

Mikey sighed, slumped further down on the couch. "Go." He said.

Gerard was standing in the kitchen, his hands braced against the counter, eyes closed.

It scared Frank a little to see him so vulnerable.

"Gerard?"He didn't get an answer, so he stepped in a little closer. Tried again.

That time Gerard looked up, saw Frank.

He gave a small smile, but it faltered.

"I'm… I'm sorry." Frank said. "I shouldn't have kept asking questions." Gerard shook his head. "Mikey would've said it with or without prompts. He just- He doesn't get a chance to get his anger out about it much so… I guess he saw a chance and ran with it." Frank nodded, it'd seemed that way to him too.

"I'm still sorry." Frank insisted. Then Gerard did smile. "Don't. None of it's your fault." Frank didn't reply to that. The thoughts in his head were too overwhelming, he needed to get them out, but he had to figure out how to do that without hurting Gerard in the process.

"Gerard, he… Sammy, I mean. He… He hurt you. Didn't he?" Gerard laughed, humourlessly. "Kinda.""I don't- I don't just mean the, um, the 'blood play' stuff. I- I-" Then Gerard looked at him again, wide eyed. Frank felt something in his stomach sink, that was as good as confirmation. His mouth went to his hand, he felt sick.

He crossed the small distance between them, pleased to find Gerard eagerly accept his embrace.

Frank realised Gerard was shaking slightly, it made Frank hold him tighter.

Gerard whispered in his ear, "It- It wasn't as bad as that, not really. I- It wasn't- I wasn't abused, not really. I just… Sammy liked getting his way." Frank was shaking now, crying. God he _hurt_, he hurt for Gerard.

"Shit." Gerard muttered, when he realised how stupid he sounded. Typical victim in denial. But, it was the only way he'd got through it.

"Please, don't tell Mikey, just… Don't tell him." He begged. It was the one thing he'd managed to spare his brother from. He hated that Mikey had had to witness so much of the fucked up mess that had been him and Sammy, if he could keep one thing back, he wanted it to be this.

Eventually, they both went back to Mikey, who stood immediately, "Gee. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I-" Gerard shook his head. "It's okay. But… Enough, alright? I don't, I don't want to talk about it anymore." Mikey nodded, then glanced at Frank, who was close by Gerard's side. He was rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. And Mikey realised how much this had effected Frank too. He wasn't sure how to apologise to him.

But Frank saw him looking at him, he gave a small smile and nodded. It was okay.

They sat back down, Gerard guiding the conversation back to easier, nicer things. His turn to start teasing Mikey, bringing up old stories and embarrassments. Gerard felt Frank's hand slip into his, hold on tight. Gerard reciprocated the pressure.

_It's okay. You're okay. I'm here. _

"Okay." Mikey said, hours later, with an authority that was quickly undermined with a yawn. "You two, get out of here, I want to sleep."

Frank and Gerard shared a quick, nervous glance at each other. "Um." Gerard said. "Mikey. That's kinda the thing, I'm not sure where you're going to sleep, because Frank-""Don't even _try _that one Gee." Mikey told him, firmly, already motioning for the two of them to get off the couch. "If you think I'm going to fall for the 'oh, but we haven't shared a bed before, oh, well, if you insist' line, you obviously underestimate how well I know you."

"But we-""Gerard. For the last time. I am fine with the idea of you sharing a bed with your boyfriend. Do NOT try to tell me he isn't your boyfriend, because I'm sick of that too. It is fine, he is fine. Sorry to be talking about you like you're not here, Frank, but my brother is being kinda difficult right now."

"We really haven't… Um. I mean…" Frank tried to explain to Mikey that Gerard wasn't lying, they really didn't sleep in the same bed, not usually. Although, yes, they had ended up in Gerard's bed together two nights in a row now, it wasn't as if they planned that. Then again, the thought of trying to get through a night, without Gerard with him to keep the nightmares away was a scary one for Frank.

And, another thing…

Boyfriend?

Okay, that part Frank didn't really want to challenge, even if it wasn't true.

Mikey sighed, looking between the two of them. "Look. Whatever. Are you two comfortable sharing a bed?" A quick, shy glance at each other, then a simultaneous nod. "Great." Mikey said. "Just don't keep me awake."

"Mikey!"

"Goodnight Gee, night Frank." Mikey called, already strolling to the bathroom. Somewhere within the conversation, Mikey had pulled out the bed and thrown his pillow and cover onto it.

"Well." Gerard said. "Looks like you're with me tonight then."

There was no denying it was awkward, this was the first time they'd got undressed in front of each other.

They stood either side of the bed, Gerard was the first to turn his back, giving what little privacy he could to Frank.

At first Frank couldn't move, then he saw that Gerard was already beginning to undress. He'd undone his belt and was slipping out of his jeans. Suddenly Frank felt embarrassed, he hadn't been watching on purpose. He also turned, undoing his own belt, feeling ridiculously self conscious as he pulled off his jeans.

They changed their t-shirts, still keeping their backs to each other as much as possible. Then Gerard pulled back the covers, getting in before he could let himself think too much about this.

Frank stayed standing at the side of the bed, uncertainly. "Frank." Gerard said, so quietly. "If you… If you're not okay with this, I can kick Mikey off the-"

"I'm fine." Frank said, quickly. Too quickly. Gerard frowned at him. "I mean…"

Gerard sat up, fixing Frank with an open, but concerned look, "Frank. I know why you don't want to share a bed with anyone but… You know you can trust me, right?" Frank nodded. And smiled, an honest smile, and easy one. Gerard was almost a little startled by it. Frank got into bed, next to Gerard, close, but not too close. They both shifted onto their side, facing one another.

"Hey you." Gerard said, smiling.

"Gerard." Frank said, a little uncertainly. "Can I, ask you something?" Gerard nodded, waited for Frank to continue. "Am I… Am I your boyfriend?" Frank felt his heart suddenly in his mouth, why had he asked that? He felt so stupid.

Gerard just blinked, not showing any of the surprise he felt. Any of the hope. "That depends." "On what?" Frank asked, feeling more nervous. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

That just made Frank more confused, more anxious. "Are you- Are you really asking me or-""I guess that depends too." Gerard told him, with a small shrug."On what?""On your answer." Gerard smiled again, beautifully. Surely he knew, how could he not know? "Then my answer is…" Frank reached out, boldly, taking Gerard's hand, under the covers, entwining their fingers together. "Yes. I'd like that." And, if possible, that smile got even more beautiful, and Gerard gently squeezed his hand. Frank smiled back, shifting closer, curling up against Gerard's chest, his head tucked neatly under Gerard's chin.

"I feel so safe with you." He said, barely a whisper. Gerard bent his head down, lightly kissing

Frank's forehead. "Good."

Frank looked up at him then. And shifted back up the bed, face to face again. Only this time they were a lot closer.

Gerard had a feeling he knew what Frank wanted, but, honestly, he was as nervous as Frank about this.

In the end it was Frank who made the move, he was the only one it could be, Gerard wouldn't do anything he might see as 'forcing' himself on Frank.

Only a small move forward, but Frank still hesitated, his eyes ever so slightly open. Nerves coursing through him, he felt his breathing become short, heart thumping

_Can you hear it?_

He felt Gerard's fingers glance over the back of his hand, soothing, comforting. Gerard didn't move or touch him in any other way. There was no pushing, no hurrying.

Finally Frank closed the small gap between them, felt Gerard's lips beneath his, pressed lightly together.

He felt soft, warm.

It lasted all of a couple of seconds, but to Frank, to both of them, it was perfect.

Frank was also the one to break the kiss, backing away enough to see Gerard's face, but no further, wanting to keep close. He watched, nervous again, as Gerard opened his eyes.

Biting his lip, where his ring was, Frank waited for Gerard to say something. Having no idea what he expected Gerard to say. He realised he had no experience here. Whenever he'd been kissed before, it'd never been _just _a kiss.

Gerard just smiled at him, pulled him closer again. "Relax, Frank." And, just like that, he did. Pressing himself against Gerard, snuggling against him.

Frank really never had felt safer.

He fell asleep quickly, and no nightmares found him.

It'd been a long time since Gerard had thought about Sammy. In truth, he tried not to think about him at all. Yes Gerard had always known he was kinda… Out there, but, in some weird way, for some weird reason, Gerard had trusted him.

He'd thought he loved him.

He didn't know how it was that Frank had guessed some of the stuff that'd gone on with him and Sammy, things Gerard had never spoken about, not even to Mikey.

Maybe when you experience these things yourself, you can kind of sense it in others.

No. That was wrong, comparing what happened to him to what'd happened to Frank.

Frank had been through hell, he'd been used like some form of payment, as a favour. _He had been __'__Jimmy__'__s__'__ whore. _Gerard cursed softly for even allowing that thought to enter his mind. Images of Frank screaming, crying, yelling those words. It hurt because Frank believed it.

Gerard glanced down, Frank was curled up on his side, facing towards Gerard, pressed close to his chest. "You're not." Gerard whispered to him, stroking his hair, pulling him in a little tighter.

No, what'd happened to Frank hadn't been his fault, he'd fallen into the wrong crowd, and had been betrayed, horribly. Passed around and abused at every turn, the one person he'd had to go to was the one pulling all the strings in the first place.

All that'd happened to Gerard, on the other hand, was that he'd had a lover who wasn't very good with the word 'no'.

_Gerard had gone to bed a lot earlier than Sammy, again. His boyfriend had wanted to stay up and watch a movie on TV, but Gerard wasn__'__t interested, and he was too tired._

"_You__'__re working too fucking hard, Gee.__"__ It came out harsher than Gerard liked, he wished there was at least some sort of sympathy in Sammy__'__s voice. __"__I__'__m fine.__"__ Gerard said, stock response. __"__Just don__'__t need another late night right now.__"__ Sammy had shrugged, then nodded. __"__Okay.__"__ He said. __"__Kiss before you leave me?__"__ Gerard laughed at the slightly pathetic look his boyfriend was giving him. He leaned in, kissing Sammy lightly. _

_Gerard didn__'__t mind going to bed alone, though a part of him did miss having someone else there as he fell asleep. Tonight he really was tired though, so it wasn__'__t as if he missed the company for long. _

_He didn__'__t know how long he__'__d been sleeping, or what time it was, only that, even before he was fully awake, he could feel lips on his own and hands gliding over his skin._

_He pushed the hands away._

"_Sammy.__"__ He grumbled, still sleep-hazy. __"__Stop that, c__'__mon.__"_

"_Good. You__'__re awake.__"__ Sammy said, clearly having not heard what Gerard had said. _

_Sammy kissed him again, more forceful now, and his hands once again wandered, this time moving down, a quick stroke between Gerard__'__s legs, letting him know exactly what Sammy was after, as if he didn__'__t already know. _

"_Sammy__…__ No. Not tonight. I told you, I__'__m tired.__"_

_Sammy growled slightly. __"__Tired.__"__ He repeated. __"__Tired? You__'__re always fucking tired Gee. I__'__m starting to think you__'__re too tired to even be my fucking boyfriend.__"_

_Gerard sighed. So they were having this conversation now, were they? He sat up. __"__Of course that__'__s not it, Sammy.__"__ Gerard told him. __"__I could never be too tired to be your boyfriend, but I am too tired to have sex with you right now, okay?__"__ Sammy didn__'__t answer, and Gerard knew he had to do a little more to make this okay. __"__It__'__s just__…"__ Gerard tried to think of the right words, no easy task at god knows what hour when you__'__ve only been awake a few minutes. Then he smiled, continued. __"__When we have sex I want to give you all of me, not just a half-hearted, half-asleep substitute.__"__ Gerard was so sure that would do it, he started to lay back down, get comfortable again, when he suddenly felt Sammy grab his wrists, turning him onto his back again, pinning his arms above his head. _

_Gerard looked up at Sammy, shocked, and a little scared. __"__That__'__s cute, Gee. But what the fuck do you have to do anyway?__"__ Another kiss, hard, forceful, bruising. Gerard didn__'__t have any kind of chance to return it before Sammy forced him onto his front. _

_This couldn__'__t really be happening, could it? _

_His boxers yanked off, and then he heard the middle drawer by the bed being opened, rummaging. It wasn__'__t like he had to look to know what Sammy was getting. _

_Two slicked fingers pushed inside him (Sammy never was patient enough to go one at a time) immediately setting to work twisting and stretching him out. _

_By the time Sammy pushed his dick inside him, Gerard had zoned out completely. This couldn__'__t be right, this couldn__'__t be happening. He__'__d told his boyfriend no, he didn__'__t want to have sex tonight, so obviously there was no way his boyfriend was going ahead and fucking him anyway. _

_Except__…__ That was exactly what was happening. _

"_See, Gerard, all you have to do is lie there.__"__ Sammy told him, almost proudly. __"__I__'__m doing all the hard work back here. Thrusting, deep, inside your sweet, tight hole.__"__ Sammy punctuated those words with extra hard pushes, making Gerard cry out, not that he was heard. __"__You should be fucking ashamed, Gee.__"__ Sammy carried on, __"__Trying to deny your boyfriend this, trying to deny me what__'__s mine!__"__ Again, final word and Sammy thrust in so quick and so hard Gerard almost felt sick. _

_Then Sammy bent down, leaning over Gerard, placing his lips on Gerard__'__s shoulder. _

_Gerard knew this was less affectionate than it appeared. A few seconds later and Gerard felt the familiar dull pain of Sammy biting down on him. Gerard could feel the two, elongated, fake, fangs digging in most. He knew he was lucky Sammy wasn't looking to draw blood._

_Finally Sammy came, pulled out of Gerard and rolled onto his side, faced away from Gerard. It was the first time that Sammy hadn__'__t asked if he was okay, was he done? Had he come yet too? _

_Gerard wasn__'__t even slightly turned on, let alone close to coming. Everything about what__'__d happened felt wrong. And scary. He didn__'__t really want to think about it but he had a feeling he__'__d just been_

Raped.

Yes. He'd always known that's what it'd been, and what it'd been the next time, and the time after that, and the time after that. Although it wasn't always like that, sometimes Sammy had been sweet, caring, gentle. But looking back that was probably just a way of lulling Gerard into a false sense of security.

Gerard shuddered as he remembered the other stuff too. The biting, the blood play. Sammy had loved all that. Gerard had thought it was kinda fun at first. It was bad, wrong, you weren't supposed to play with blood, it had the dark thrill of danger to it.

_They'd been in bed no more than five minutes and already Sammy had succeeded in undressing them both. Gerard didn't mind, in fact he welcomed it. The last time (only two nights ago) Sammy had forced himself on Gerard was far, far from his mind now. _

_He loved Sammy, after all, of course he wanted to be with him. _

_On his back, Sammy above him, pinning him down with hands on his shoulders, Gerard whined happily as Sammy bent down, kissed his chest, then licked his nipple. _

_Sammy grinned, did it again, gaining another little whine. Gerard reached his hands up, tangling his fingers up in Sammy's hair, black as his own, trying to keep Sammy where he was._

"_That- That feels-" He was cut off by his own yelp of pain, and he hurriedly pushed Sammy away._

_Sammy had bit him, only briefly and lightly, but the fangs Sammy loved so much were too much for the sensitive skin. _

_He looked up, with scared eyes, at Sammy. _

_But Sammy was smiling, comfortingly, he pushed his hand back through Gerard's hair, moving it off his face. "I'm sorry Gee. I got carried away. Didn't mean to hurt you." _

_Gerard nodded, smiled back, then pulled Sammy down to kiss him._

_A few seconds later, and Sammy had moved back down again, kissing and licking Gerard's nipple, apparently enjoying the sounds he got out of Gerard. _

_Then he did it again, bit him, and again, Gerard yelped. "Sammy. Don't. It- It hurts." _

"_Shh Gee. It's okay, just a couple more times then you'll get used to it." He looked up, grinned at Gerard. "You might even start to enjoy it." Gerard didn't reply, uncertain of his answer. Sammy bit him again before he could think of an answer. Then again, harder. He heard a small noise of pleasure from Sammy. Then he was licking, rapidly at Gerard's nipple, then up, face to face with Gerard again. "Drew blood that time Gee." He said, happily, his voice sounding heavy, he was obviously turned on. Sammy kissed him, and Gerard thought maybe he tasted a little blood on his tongue. "Got me thinking, Gee." Sammy said, reaching down, stroking Gerard's inner thigh. Teasing, obviously wanting to get Gerard begging. _

_It was going to work. "Uh huh." Gerard moaned. _

"_I've got some things I wanna try." _

_Gerard nodded, agreeing before he knew what he was agreeing to. _

_Then he felt Sammy move, he'd reached for his jeans on the floor, getting something. _

_Gerard saw the penknife and immediately retreated, backing away from Sammy. _

"_No, no, Gee!" Sammy cooed. "I'm not- I mean. It's supposed to be fun." Gerard eyed the blade in Sammy's hand. Scared, but also intrigued. "You're not- If I tell you I don't like it, you'll stop, right?" Gerard asked. _

_Sammy smiled at him. "Of course, Gee. You can trust me." _

_All too easily, Gerard agreed, eager to see how this would go. He laid now again, closed his eyes, knowing if he saw the knife coming, he'd freak out. _

_The pain was white hot, but brief, a small cut to his stomach. He could feel the blood beginning to well, then Sammy's mouth covered it, and he could feel the weird sensation of Sammy's tongue lapping at it. _

_Gerard giggled, feeling a little light headed, already. Then Sammy detached himself. "See, fun?" He said, proudly, before lowering his mouth again. _

_Sammy repeated this a couple more times, by then he was hard and desperate to fuck and Gerard wasn't going to refuse him. _

_The cuts continued to bleed, and Sammy took pleasure in trailing the blood over Gerard's body, occasionally sticking his bloodied fingers in his mouth. _

At the time, it'd seemed a little scary, but fun. The next morning Gerard had been horrified when he remembered what he'd let his boyfriend do. He'd stared in the mirror at the cuts, the blood recently washed away in the shower. He was thankful the cuts were shallow, unlikely to scar.

After that, the blood thing became another thing that happened when Sammy wanted, leaving no room for Gerard's protests.

_On his front, held down. He'd told Sammy no, but Sammy hadn't listened. Again. _

_Sammy was being rough, was he trying to hurt Gerard? Possible, Gerard could never tell if Sammy was angry or just too turned on to listen when he got like this. _

_They'd got into bed. Gerard had kissed him, and Sammy had returned this by sticking his hand in Gerard's boxers._

_Gerard had laughed. "Not tonight, okay?" _

_It'd turned out __**not **__okay. _

_Gerard had found himself on his stomach, his underwear yanked down. _

_At least Sammy had used lube. Still hurt though. Gerard tried to tell him. _

"_Sammy. Please. Not so- Not so fast! Fuck! Fuck it hurts."Sammy ignored him. _

"_Please, Sammy…" He was crying. He hated himself for it, but he was crying. Why wasn't Sammy listening? Why did he get like this? _

_Then it got worse. He felt the sting of a blade on his back, just a small nick, but the feel of the lapping tongue that followed was horrible._

_He knew Sammy wasn't listening, but still Gerard told him, asked him, begged him to stop. To stop all of it. _

_It didn't stop until Sammy was ready for it to stop, though._

Gerard squeezed his eyes shut. Trying to forget, trying to push it all back.

He hadn't thought of Sammy for so long. Now it all came back, and he felt just like he had then, during those times at least.

Scared. Alone.

Beside him, Frank shifted slightly in his sleep, snuggling even closer to Gerard, his hands grabbing at Gerard's shirt. Gerard looked down at him, saw a small smile on his lips.

Gerard smiled too.

"How could I possibly think I'm alone?" Gerard wondered, quietly, aloud.

Then he bent, kissed the top of Frank's head.

"I feel so safe with you too." He whispered.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N - Umm... Hey?  
Okay, hey and _sorry! _I know I've taken ages to update this, but I got a little distracted by another project during the past (nearly) two months... That project is still on going, but I won't be letting Runaway take such a back seat again!**

**But still, thank you everyone for reading! And an extra thank you to my lovely reviewers!**

**Xoxoroxas - Again, I am so sorry of the slow update... I really am. And thank you. Yeah, I kinda figured the same, I think it makes it a little easier for Gerard to relate too, and it makes a little more sense. And, oh yes, Jimmy is definitely playing more of a role (he's back again this chapter). And as for Sammy... Well. You'll see.**

**ChemicalTeardrop - Okay, yeah, the cookie was kinda a bribe... I'm sorry! I know, Sammy's just horrible... Ass hat is appropriate, indeed. Hehe, aww, Mikey didn't mean it. He's on better behaviour this chapter though :) **

**Okay. There's a quick check back with Jimmy and co, and a little more dark delving's into the past.  
Then we're back with our sweet romance ^_^  
I'll shut up now and just let you enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer - I don't own the boys. (Except Sammy, I have to take full credit for that little nutjob!) **

**#########################**

Jimmy was in the red room, alone.

Slumped in the large armchair, facing the bed, the curtain pulled back.

Just staring at it.

Remembering the long line of clients he'd seen satisfied by his boys. He'd always stayed, just for the first few minutes when either the boy was new or the client was, just to make sure everything was as it should be.

There'd only been one time he'd stayed for the duration.

The time he'd let Warren screw Frank.

When he'd finally done what he'd known he was going to do, but had let himself believe he wouldn't.

Jimmy was certain that Frank had thought he'd stayed because he got off on it, which… Wasn't entirely untrue, but there had been more to it.

He'd wanted to make sure Frank wasn't hurt, though he knew there'd be no avoiding that, really.

And also, so he could remind himself that _he'd _done this. So he could call to mind, vividly, the point in time when he'd handed Frank over, let his world have him, as opposed to keeping him all to himself.

Of course, he'd still kept Frank, everyone knew Frank was 'his'. And he'd made sure Frank remembered that too.

Every. Night.

Now though… Frank had clearly forgotten. As had someone else. Someone had taken Frank from him. Stolen him.

_When I find them, I'll make them pay. You don't fucking steal from me! I'll show them. Send them a message loud and fucking clear._

And as for Frank…

_If he doesn't come running back, telling me he tried to get back, how he hadn't forgotten who he belonged to, well… I'll just have to see about reminding him. _

Saint Jimmy grinned.

_Make sure he can barely move without thinking about me. _

"Thinking about Frank again?" Saint Jimmy snapped open his eyes, he hadn't even realised he'd closed them. Looked up, saw Johnny walking in.

Jimmy just glared at him.

Johnny went over, sat on the edge of the bed, directly in Jimmy's view.

Jimmy pointedly turned his head.

He wished he could be surprised by Jimmy's behaviour. But he'd been like this since Frank went missing. One minute he'd be shouting, swearing, and tearing the place apart. The next he'd be sitting, sullen, refusing to talk to anyone.

Not even Johnny.

Especially not Johnny.

And fuck. Yes. It hurt, it hurt Johnny that Jimmy was acting like this.

_Would he act like this if I disappeared?_

Before, Johnny would've been a lot more certain of his answer. Now, since Frank… He didn't know.

Johnny glanced behind him, at the bed he was perched on. It looked such a nice bed. Amazing to think the acts that had been committed in it.

"How many times did you fuck him here?" Johnny asked, bluntly.

Jimmy snapped his gaze up to Johnny again. His eyes were hard. "More times than I have you." Jimmy replied, cruelly.

Johnny closed his eyes, composing himself, telling himself that didn't hurt. When really it stung, it stung badly.

His eyes cast down, Johnny replied. "Always been your way, always have to sample the things you're selling, huh?"

Yes, there was malice in his voice.

"Shut up Johnny." Jimmy said, sounding weary.

But Johnny wouldn't shut up.

"You enjoyed screwing him though. I'm surprised, amount of use he got, surely he was getting all used up, can't have been as good after a while, huh? But then I bet he let you do all kinds of things, just like a proper little whore."

Without warning, Jimmy was out of the chair, pounced on Johnny, pining him down, hand around his throat.

"I have told you a million fucking times now Johnny. Do _not _talk about Frank like that! What is it? Fucking jealous? That it? You want his place do you? You fucking got it."

Johnny didn't reply, didn't get a chance to, Jimmy moved off him, only long enough to drag him so he was more fully on the bed, then he started undoing his belt.

"Jimmy!"

Jimmy looked up suddenly, to the door.

Saw Alice standing there, looking shocked, but furious.

"Fuck off." Jimmy muttered. "I'm busy."

Alice ignored him, marching into the room. "Get the fuck off him, now." She demanded, then glancing down. "And put that away."

Reluctantly, and with a sullen look, Jimmy moved off Johnny, who hurriedly got off the bed. Alice stopped him before he got to the door, held him briefly. "You okay?" She asked, softly. Johnny nodded, but didn't speak. Alice nodded back, let go of him, "Okay, go."

Jimmy hadn't moved from the bed, still knelt, the only change was that he'd fixed his jeans, like Alice had told him.

"Jimmy." Alice said, more gently now. "This has got to stop."

Jimmy looked up, glared at her, then cast his eyes down again. "Jimmy! Fucking listen to me! Do you even realise what you were about to do? And who you were going to do it to? Don't tell me you're that fucking stupid Jimmy that you don't realise how much you were hurting him."

"Wouldn't have hurt." Jimmy said. "Little bitch wouldn't have fought me. Can't be rape if they love you so blindly."

Alice stared at him, wide eyed. "My God. Would you _listen _to yourself Jimmy?! You would've hurt him, you were hurting him, you _are _hurting him, not just physically Jimmy!"

"Not my fault." Jimmy muttered.

"It is your fault!" Alice snapped.

Then Jimmy looked up, fire in his eyes. "No! It's not! It's not my fault, it's not my fault Frank's gone! That's all I want, all I fucking want is Frank back and-""Jimmy! Give it a rest!" Alice cut over him, frustrated with his fixation, though she'd known, all along that this would happen if, _when _Frank disappeared. "Frank is not here! We've looked and we've looked, no one can find him. Has it occurred to you maybe he doesn't want to be found? Maybe he doesn't want to come back!"

Jimmy shook his head. "No, no. Someone has him, someone's taken him-""Jimmy! Leave him alone!" Alice felt desperate. She'd been terrified when she first heard Frank was missing, scared he was somewhere even worse.

But when all those places had been checked, and Frank nowhere to be seen, she was relieved, he was obviously somewhere safe.

She didn't want Jimmy finding him again.

"No!" Jimmy snapped.

Alice shook her head. "Why? Why do you want him back so desperately Jimmy? You've lost a lot of boys, even more recently since you keep sending them after Frank. You've sent plenty more away. Why him? Why is he so important Jimmy? Why can't you just let him go? Why do you care?"

Then Jimmy's eyes narrowed, suspiciously. "I could ask you the same question, Why are you so desperate to stop me finding him? You know where he is, don't you? What is it? Gone all mothering on him have you? Protecting him from big bad Jimmy?"

Alice just shook her head, sadly. He wasn't listening, he was so far past listening.

"Or, no!" Jimmy continued, getting up off the bed finally now, coming towards Alice. "I've got it. This isn't a 'mother' thing. This is something else. You fucked didn't you? Oh it all becomes so fucking clear now! Manage to figure out where to put it did he?"

Alice slapped him, hard.

Jimmy reeled, hand going to his stinging cheek.

"You nasty, sick, pathetic excuse for a man Jimmy. You think that's all anything is about, don't you? It's all about sex with you, isn't it? Sex or your precious fucking drugs. Not everyone's like you Jimmy, I know that's hard to imagine but-""You really think Frank's all that fucking different, do you? What do you think we spent all our time doing, huh? Fucking and getting high. And I'll tell you, he loved every second of it. You think I'm pathetic? Then I don't know what you must think of him."

Alice shook her head. "He's so much more than you are Jimmy. So much. And that's why I want you to leave him alone, so you don't ruin him completely."

At that Jimmy just grinned. "Too late. Figure by the time you get someone on their knees, begging for your cock so they can get their drugs… They're pretty much yours."

Alice closed her eyes, trying not to think about Frank like that. But, of course, because she knew it was true, knew it would've happened, it came all too vividly.

"Why do you want him back so badly?" Alice asked, again, quieter, sadder.

"Because his mouth is sweet, his ass is tight and his hands know what they're fucking doing." Jimmy said, coldly.

Alice shook her head, she knew that wasn't all. But she also knew she wasn't getting any other answer from him.

She turned to go then, paused at the door. "If you won't let Frank stay gone, at least stop hurting Johnny. He loves you Jimmy, and you're tearing him apart."

Jimmy didn't reply, slumped back down in the chair, staring at the bed.

As soon as he heard the door close, he closed his eyes, thought about Frank again.

###

Mikey couldn't sleep.

He was so damn tired, but he couldn't sleep. He'd tried turning the TV on (quietly so as not to wake Gerard and Frank) but his eyes were hurting too much to focus, the sounds from the screen doing nothing to soothe him.

He closed his eyes again, tried to clear his mind, let himself drift off.

But then that hateful face flashed in his mind again.

And a thousand little snippets of memories played over and over.

Sammy standing in the bedroom doorway, calling to Gerard, getting pissed when Gerard didn't respond quickly enough.

Sammy's arm curling around Gerard's waist, a little too tight to just be affectionate.

Hearing Sammy and Gerard, in the kitchen, Sammy trying to convince Gerard to do something.

Have something.

"_Sammy, I told you. No. Not- Not with Mikey here, I don't want-""Aww, c'mon Gee. You've been so fucking uptight all night… This'll help."_A rare morning when Sammy wasn't there, Mikey walking in on Gerard as he was getting dressed.

Seeing the bruises on his shoulder, a glimpse of cuts on his chest.

"_Fuck, Gee! What the hell happened?" Gerard hurriedly pulled his shirt down. "Mikey! I- I didn't hear you- I-"Mikey was up close to him now, pushing the shirt back up, trying to see, Gerard pushed his hands away._

"_Stop it, Mikey, it- it's not a big deal.""Gerard. Is he hurting you?"Then Gerard had forced a smile on his lips, "It's just playing, Mikey, like I said, no big deal." _

'Just playing'. It was what Gerard had always said, they were just playing.

All these little snippets, and so many more, were bad enough. But, more than anything, Mikey's head kept replaying _that _night.

_As Mikey flicked through the channels he tried to find something mindless to get lost in. Something so he could forget how annoyed he was. _

_It__'__d happened again. _

_He__'__d come over to stay at Gerard__'__s. Sure all he got here was the bed that pulled out from the living room couch to sleep on, but he liked it here, sometimes he even thought maybe he liked it more than he did his own apartment. It wasn__'__t like Gerard__'__s place was a lot nicer or fancier (it certainly wasn__'__t tidier) but, he had to admit it, he just liked being around Gerard. They__'__d always been close, and when Gerard moved out Mikey had been fast behind him, he__'__d lived in Gerard__'__s apartment for the first six months before he finally found a place for himself. When he moved out of there he__'__d enjoyed the sense of a little extra freedom, but it__'__d always felt strange. Knowing that his brother wasn__'__t living in the same space as him. After three months of only seeing Gerard occasionally when they arranged to meet up in the evenings, Mikey had finally admitted that he was finding it difficult, and he didn__'__t care if he sounded like a baby, he missed his big brother being around all the time. _

_Gerard had nodded, silently, thinking over what Mikey had said. __"__I miss you too.__"__ He finally replied, then laughed. __"__Meeting up maybe twice a week doesn__'__t really cut it, does it?__"__ Mikey shook his head, smiling, pleased Gerard thought the same, but there was a part of him that had always been certain he would. _

_From then Mikey started to come around more often, and he__'__d stay over some weekends. He offered to have Gerard stay at his, but he knew his apartment was slightly smaller, and Gerard liked the feeling of looking after his little brother again. _

_It__'__d all been going great. Until__…__ Sammy happened._

_Now. So there can be no mistake, Mikey had absolutely no problem with his brothers sexuality. He__'__d known even before Gerard had told him. The memory of that conversation was one always fresh in Mikey__'__s mind. Mikey had been downstairs in Gerard__'__s room, sprawled out on his bed, head hanging off the end of the bed while he read. Gerard had been pacing his room, picking up random things and putting them back down again and generally being very distracting. Mikey had known there was something on Gerard__'__s mind, but knew better than to ask him what, Gerard would come out with it when he was ready. Apparently that was when he sat down on the bed, next to Mikey, who was still hanging upside down. __"__Mikey.__""__Uh huh?__"__ He hadn__'__t put the book down, causing Gerard to poke him. __"__Could you sit up Mikey? I__…__ Need to tell you something.__"__ Mikey did as he was asked, sitting up, cross legged on the bed now. __"__What is it Gee?__"__ Now that he__'__d finally got his brothers full attention, Gerard looked nervous. __"__I. Um__…__ Mikey, I hope you__'__re gonna be okay with this, and understand. You__'__re my brother and my best friend and-__""__Gerard. You__'__re kinda rambling.__"__ Mikey interrupted. Gerard nodded, pausing again, then looking up at Mikey, meeting his eyes as he finally said it. __"__I__'__m gay.__"__"__Oh.__"__ Mikey said, sounding surprised, but not for the reason Gerard was expecting. __"__I know.__"__ He continued, with a shrug. Gerard blinked. __"__You__…__**Know**__?__"__ Mikey grinned at him. __"__I__'__m your brother Gee, of course I know.__"__ He said, laying back down again and settling back to his book, while Gerard continued to stare at him. __"__And you__'__re__…__ Okay with that?__"__ Gerard pressed. Mikey rolled his eyes. __"__Doesn__'__t change anything Gee, so yes, I__'__m okay with it.__"__ Gerard smiled then, and nodded, happily. __"__Okay then, good.__"__ A few moments of silence and then, __"__Mikey. Could you tell mom and dad for me?__"__"__Nope.__"_

"_Damn.__"_

_That had been when Gerard was eighteen, and Mikey had known for at least a year before he finally came out and said it. Mikey had never once had any issues with any of Gerard__'__s past boyfriends. _

_It was just Sammy he couldn__'__t stand. _

_He wasn__'__t sure if Gerard had noticed, but Mikey had started coming over more often, and that was because he was worried about Gerard, scared that Sammy would do__…__ Something. _

_It wasn__'__t just the marks on Gerard__'__s shoulders, which he thought Mikey didn__'__t know about, but Mikey had seen them, crescent shaped bruises, two of them always more prominent than the rest. And every time Mikey saw them there were fresh ones. Mikey knew exactly what was going on there, it wasn__'__t like you could miss Sammy__'__s __'__fangs__'__, he knew Sammy was biting Gerard, and he knew Gerard was letting him do it. _

_But Mikey also knew Sammy had done something else to Gerard, he could tell, just like he could tell Gerard was keeping it from him, which only made Mikey more worried. They never kept secrets from each other, it scared Mikey that there was something Gerard wouldn__'__t tell him. _

_So, here he was again. Him and Gerard had been having fun, talking, laughing, simple stuff. Then Sammy had reappeared from Gerard__'__s bedroom (where he spent most of his time sleeping and sulking whenever Mikey was there) and sat the other side of Gerard. He__'__d started the game of winning Gerard__'__s attention immediately. _

"_Don__'__t say hi then.__"__ Sammy said, petulantly. Gerard rolled his eyes and turned his head to look at his boyfriend, sweet smile on his face. __"__Sorry Sammy, hi. Me and Mikey were just a little caught up in our-__""__You didn__'__t come to check I was even in. You just let you and your brother in and sat right down, it__'__s been hours since you got back.__"__ Gerard dropped the smile then. __"__Yes I did Sammy. While Mikey put his stuff down I opened the bedroom door to check on you, you where sleeping, I didn__'__t want to wake you. You can ask Mikey.__"__ He replied, patiently. Sammy snorted, shooting Mikey a glare. __"__Yeah right, like he wouldn__'__t lie for you.__"_

_Mikey had felt his hands clench, he didn__'__t give a damn about the way Sammy was glaring at him, but he hated the way he was talking to Gerard. _

_Gerard could feel the tension and anger coming from his brother, and he saw Mikey's hands in tight fists. Gerard laid a gentle hand over one of his brothers, __"__Don__'__t.__"__ He said, softly. Mikey forced himself to calm down, if only for Gerard__'__s sake. __"__You don__'__t have to believe me, Sammy.__"__ Gerard said, with a sigh. __"__But it__'__s the truth, I did go in to check on you.__"__ To that Sammy shrugged, apparently he was now bored of this subject, as it didn__'__t seem to be getting him anywhere. __"__Alright Gee.__"__ He said, suddenly springing back up from the couch, heading towards the kitchen. __"__I__'__m thirsty, what__'__ve we got?__"_

"_Same as always, Sammy.__"__ Gerard called after him. Gerard turned to Mikey, smiled and rolled his eyes. Mikey couldn__'__t quite smile back. _

_Sammy called from the kitchen again, __"__GEE! There__'__s no fucking red!__"__ Gerard closed his eyes, sighing heavily. __"__Not wine again Sammy__…"__ He muttered, so quiet even Mikey had to strain to hear him. Then Gerard called back to Sammy, __"__That__'__s because you finished it off last night, remember?__"_

"_It__'__s fine!__"__ Sammy replied, coming back in the room, proudly holding up a bottle he__'__d clearly managed to find somewhere. __"__It__'__s a little warm, but it__'__ll do.__"__ Sammy continued, beaming. Gerard tried to hide his disappointment. __"__Sammy__…__ Don__'__t you think you__…__ Over do it a little?__"__ Sammy just grinned at him as he sat back down, taking a quick swig straight from the bottle. __"__Nope.__"__ He replied. __"__I think you under-do it.__"__ Then Sammy thrust the bottle in front of Gerard, waggling it a little. __"__C__'__mon, Gee. No fun drinking alone.__"__ Gerard laughed lightly, taking the bottle out of Sammy__'__s hand. __"__Alright, but I__'__m getting glasses, we__'__re not savages.__"__ He said, with a small mock chastising tone. __"__I am.__"__ Sammy replied, darting forward to nip Gerard on the neck. Gerard pushed him off, laughing again. __"__Stop that!__"__ The chastising tone coming through again. Sammy just looked at him, sporting a wicked grin. _

_Gerard got up off the couch and turned to Mikey, __"__Joining us, Mikey?__"__ He asked. Mikey shook his head, staring back at Gerard very seriously. _

"_Your brother__'__s got a right stick up his ass, you know that Gee?__"__"__Don__'__t talk about Mikey like that. I won__'__t have it.__"__ Gerard told him, no hint of humour this time. And Sammy promptly shut up. _

_Gerard had come back in with three glasses anyway. __"__In case you change your mind.__"__ He__'__d said to Mikey, with a small smile. _

_Mikey didn__'__t change his mind, and he didn__'__t believe Gerard thought he would. He watched as Sammy poured steadily fuller glasses, feeling like he just wanted to grab Gerard and get out of here, get away from Sammy. But he didn__'__t. He sat and watched as the couple got steadily more drunk. Feeling guilty that he wasn__'__t doing anything to stop it. _

_Gerard had again been trying to talk to Mikey, albeit with the distraction of Sammy__'__s mouth on his neck occasionally, little scrapes of teeth making Gerard shiver slightly. __"__Like that?__"__ Sammy asked as Gerard reacted in that way again. Gerard closed his eyes as Sammy repeated the action. __"__Sammy.__"__ He groaned quietly. __"__Don__'__t. Not in front of Mikey.__"_

"_Why not?__"__ Sammy asked, dipping his head to Gerard__'__s neck again, __"__You don__'__t mind your brother having a little fun, do you, Mikey?__"__ Sammy asked, smiling nastily at Mikey, fangs showing a little. He didn__'__t get a reply, only a scowl. _

_Sammy__'__s hand was on Gerard__'__s thigh, moving steadily up and down, and his other hand went to Gerard__'__s face, turning him towards him, kissing him, deeply and lustily. Gerard pulled Sammy closer, grabbing onto his hair and tangling his fingers up in it._

_Mikey didn__'__t blame Gerard for his behaviour, he__'__d seen this before, Gerard__'__s mind clouded by lust and alcohol. This was when Mikey was most scared for his brother. Sammy could do anything and Gerard wouldn__'__t even remember the word __'__no__'__ existed. _

_Soon after that Gerard came up with some excuse and had let Sammy pull him to the bedroom. _

_As soon as the door closed Mikey put the TV on, turned the volume up. He didn__'__t want to hear what was going on. _

_It took all of ten minutes for Mikey to flick through every channel five times and conclude there was nothing on that he__'__d even slightly consider watching, and that didn__'__t help his mood at all. Flicking the TV off and throwing the remote to the floor a little harder than necessary, Mikey figured he might as well pass the time productively. He picked up the glasses from the floor, his own one untouched and still stood up, Sammy__'__s one on it__'__s side where he__'__d kicked it over, though the glass was empty, and Gerard__'__s which still had a little inside it, also on it__'__s side. Mikey picked that one up carefully, thinking it lucky none had spilt and stained the floor. He also grabbed the empty bottle, trying not to think about the amount of alcohol his brother had consumed in a short space of time. Mikey took them all back out to the kitchen, putting his unused glass back in the cupboard, and putting the other two carefully into the sink. The bottle he left on the side, ready to be gathered up and thrown out later. _

_He went back to the living room to set up his bed, and it was only then that it occurred to him. _

_It was quiet in the apartment. Very quiet. _

_It wasn__'__t like he liked hearing the sounds that usually drifted from the bedroom, in fact he usually did all he could to avoid them, but it was odd for there to be nothing. Especially as the couple had made very clear that they weren__'__t going to __'__sleep__'__. _

_Mikey felt the worry inside him creep up a notch. He didn__'__t know why the silence unnerved him so much, only that it did. _

_Don__'__t be crazy. He told himself. Maybe they really did just fall asleep, they were both pretty wasted, easy enough to do._

_It did nothing to ease his worries. He found himself heading towards the bedroom door, unsure of what he was going to do when he got there. Listen more closely? What if he still didn__'__t hear anything? What then? Mikey didn__'__t know, he only knew he had an awful feeling about this and he had to check on his brother. _

_He got to the door, listened closely, at first thought there was nothing, but then he heard it, very softly. _

_Sammy was talking, Mikey couldn__'__t make out the words, he didn__'__t care, because the problem was, he couldn__'__t hear Gerard replying. _

_Mikey wasn__'__t even thinking when he opened the door, and he was so shocked by what he saw when he did, it took his mind a few extra seconds to process. _

_The small light was on in the room, illuminating just enough to see. Sammy was sat in the centre of the bed, with Gerard laying half across his lap._

_It was immediately obvious that Gerard was not conscious. _

_The image got worse however, as Sammy had a knife tightly clutched in one hand, the one he had wrapped around Gerard, pressing him close. The other hand was holding Gerard__'__s hand, holding it up, close to Sammy__'__s mouth. Mikey could see a trail of red snaking down Gerard__'__s arm._

_Sammy was staring straight at the door, straight at Mikey, more hate in his eyes than Mikey had ever seen before. _

_But that was fine, because Mikey was pretty sure he__'__d never hated anyone as much as he hated Sammy right now. __"__You couldn__'__t just leave it alone, could you Michael?__"__ Sammy snarled, showing teeth and fangs. _

_Again, Mikey wasn__'__t thinking, this was pure instinct now, he was across the room and launching at Sammy in seconds. _

_But Sammy was a coward when it came to fights, as soon as he saw he was in danger from the younger Way, he let Gerard go and bolted for the door. Mikey ran after him, making sure he left the apartment, slamming the door and locking it behind him. Mikey was half tempted to drag something in front of the door, just to ensure there was no way Sammy was getting back in. But he had more important things to worry about than a vampire psycho with less fight in him than a fly. _

_Gerard was still out of it, laid on his back exactly how Sammy had left him, his wounded arm flung out to the side, the blood seeping out onto the sheets, creating a small pool already. Mikey got up on the bed, grabbing the covers and bundling them over the gash, hoping to slow the blood. He was shaking, badly, terrified. This was exactly the sort of thing he__'__d always been worried about. _

"_Gerard.__"__ Mikey said, his voice shaking as hard as his body. __"__Gee. Please.__"__ Taking one hand off the bundle of sheets, shaking his brother, trying to get him to wake up. __"__For fucks sake Gee, COME ON!__"_

_Then, slowly, very slowly, Gerard__'__s eyelids fluttered open. __"__Mikey?__"__"__Oh holy shit.__"__ Mikey gasped, suddenly aware of wetness on his cheeks. When had he started crying? __"__Gerard. Sammy- He-__"__ Gerard turned his head, saw the sheets, the red that was seeping through. He groaned, let his head fall back again. __"__He said I__'__d taste sweet, like wine.__"__ Mikey broke down completely then, falling onto his brothers chest, crying hard now. __"__I told you, Gerard, I TOLD you!__"__ He screamed. Gerard was shaking too now, and with his unwounded arm he drew his brother close. __"__I know. I know. I__'__m sorry.__"_

_When Mikey collected himself, he showed Gerard where to put the pressure, then finally let go himself. __"__I don__'__t care if it hurts Gee.__"__ He told him, sternly. __"__You hold down just as hard as I was, got it?__"__ Gerard nodded, then Mikey helped him up, so he was sat up at the top of the bed, the wall behind him supporting him. __"__Alright, I__'__ll be right back.__"__ Mikey grabbed some towels, thicker and better than bed sheets, then while he handed a couple over to Gerard he got everything together for them to leave for the hospital, though Gerard protested. __"__No. Mikey. They__'__ll think-__"_

"_I don__'__t give a fuck what they think Gee, you need help and they will give it to you.__"__ After much protests, Mikey got him out the door. _

_He had to hold his brother the whole way there, occasionally stumbling, but Mikey never once let him fall._

_It was only later that night, or early the next morning, after Gerard had been stitched up and allowed on his way without too many awkward questions, while Gerard was asleep in a bed which Mikey had stripped the sheets from, replacing them with fresh ones, that Mikey fully let himself think about what__'__d happened. He shoved the slightly stained items of bed linen in the washing machine, hoping they might be salvaged, while the bed cover he__'__d already stuffed in a bag to be thrown out. He caught sight of his hands, they were stained red. Suddenly his hands started shaking again, then his whole body, the full magnitude of what__'__d happened that night suddenly hitting him._

_Then Mikey caught sight of the glasses in the sink, the dark red still in Gerard__'__s glass suddenly looking a lot more horrific. _

_Mikey ran to the bathroom, reaching it just before he threw up. _

_As soon as he felt his legs would support him, Mikey got to his feet, cleaned himself up, and scrubbed at his hands, not letting himself think about the pink colour of the water._

_Then he went to Gerard__'__s room, standing by the door, looking in on his brother. He was laying on his front, black hair covering most of his face, freshly bandaged arm held up beside his head. Mikey walked further in, sat on the edge of the bed, still, just watching. _

_It was okay, he was still here. _

"_Gee?__""__Hmm?__"__ Gerard opened one eye, smiling as he saw Mikey. __"__Is it__…__ Can I sleep in here tonight?__"__ Gerard nodded, pulling back the covers. Mikey slipped in beside him, curling up close. _

_It felt like when they were kids again._

_Mikey found himself crying again, silently this time, or at least he__'__d thought so, until Gerard put his arm around him, pulling him even closer. _

Mikey sat up, looking over the top of the back of his bed, straight to the bedroom door. He found himself smiling when he thought of who was in there with his brother tonight.

He'd only known Frank less than a day, but he'd liked him immediately. He was a bit shy and easily rattled, but Mikey knew that was down to whatever it was he'd been through. From the way Frank smiled, when he did smile, Mikey could tell he hadn't always been this bundle of nerves.

And, even if Gerard couldn't see it (yeah right), Mikey could see the adoration Frank had for Gerard, plainly. That smile you so rarely saw was most present when looking at Gerard, and he'd seemed to relax substantially once Gerard had sat next to him. Then there was the way Frank seemed determined to have some form of contact with Gerard at all times. Not in a sexual or possessive way, but it was very obviously for comfort, reassurance. At one point Mikey had seen Frank holding Gerard's hand tight in both of his. It'd seemed such an innocent gesture, like Frank was scared Gerard would disappear if he let him go.

Or maybe it was the fear that he himself would disappear if he let go.

Mikey knew Frank was… A little troubled, but he loved Gerard, that much was obvious. And it was clear the very last thing Frank would ever do was hurt him.

Mikey felt his smile grow slightly more as he laid back down. Yes, his brother was safe, and, if he would just let it happen, he was finally going to have a relationship with someone who cared about him, really cared.

It was what Mikey had always wanted for him.

###

Gerard woke up first, immediately glad to sense Frank was there, still pressed close, but calm, peaceful.

They'd made it through the night without it being punctuated by nightmares.

Gerard was glad, and he knew why Frank had slept so well.

It was the same reason why, even though he'd been unable to stop thinking about Sammy while awake, he'd remained firmly out of Gerard's sleeping world.

They made each other safe.

Then Gerard remembered the conversation they'd had, just after getting into bed. It was as official as it was going to get, they were 'together' now, a couple.

Then he remembered the kiss.

Their first.

He'd known Frank was nervous, but he wasn't going to let it happen any other way.

Looking at him now, Gerard bent his head down slightly, going to kiss Frank.

But a thought occurred, making him stop, his lips so nearly touching Frank's.

And, again he thought about how much it'd taken for Frank to kiss him, to dare to be that intimate.

And Gerard found he couldn't bring himself to steal a kiss.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before Frank finally opened his eyes.

A brief moment of panic and confusion flickered across Frank's face, something Gerard had seen before, though he'd partly hoped it had only been drug induced paranoia. Apparently this was something that was here to stay, a permanent after effect of waking up in too many strange places.

Not that it would stop Gerard from trying to somehow get him past it, somehow erase that fear.

It was gone quick though, and then Frank smiled, his eyes focusing on Gerard. He somehow managed to snuggle in closer. "Morning." Frank said, quietly.

"Good morning." Frank nodded, in agreement with the statement. It was good.

They slowly dragged themselves out of bed, went out into the apartment.

Mikey was awake already, dressed, and heading into the kitchen.

He stopped as he caught sight of the two of them, and smiled.

As soon as they saw Mikey, Frank took a step back, tried to disappear back into Gerard's room.

Being seen coming out of a bedroom, especially with someone else, was not something that made Frank at all comfortable.

_Knowing looks and taunting grins. Eyes wandering over him, up and down, looking for signs of use. _

_Abuse._

_Lips licked longingly as Frank tried to keep his eyes cast down, tried to pretend he didn't notice their leering. Tried not to run his tongue on his ever fucking sore lips. Tried to kid himself that they didn't know, they didn't know where he'd been, what he'd done._

"_Of course they know, Frankie." Jimmy cooed one night, when Frank had brought his fears up. _

_Jimmy, of course, only confirmed them. Stroking his hair, lovingly, as he did._

Gerard squeezed Frank's hand gently, making him stop, bringing him back to the present.

The moment it took him to do so, Frank calmed.

He was safe here, Mikey wasn't judging him. And, just as importantly, he'd done nothing to be 'judged' for. He was as safe in this apartment as he'd always been.

Frank squeezed Gerard's hand too, letting him know he was okay, he wasn't about to run.

They went over to the couch, Gerard letting his hand slip from Frank's as he went to follow Mikey into the kitchen.

Frank let his hand slip, easily and without hesitation. But still Gerard looked behind him, checking that Frank was okay, before finally leaving him.

In the kitchen, Mikey smiled, knowingly at his brother. "So… You seem happier than you did last night."

Gerard shot him a suspicious look, wondering what he was implying. Mikey rolled his eyes. "I just mean, you and Frank seem…"

He caught Gerard's small smile before he could figure out how to end that sentence. "Let me guess." Mikey continued. "I'm allowed to use the word 'boyfriend' now?"

Gerard ducked his head slightly, smiling more.

"Well that's great Gee!" Mikey enthused.

Gerard nodded. "Yeah. Yeah it is. He… Frank brought it up. He asked… If he was my boyfriend and… It kinda went from there." He looked up then, grinning at his brother, who he saw beaming, proudly back at him.

Before he knew it, Mikey had pulled him into a hug. "It's about time." Mikey said.

Gerard didn't understand, Mikey had only met Frank yesterday, and Gerard had only known Frank himself since-

Then Gerard realised Mikey didn't just mean Frank.

_About time you found someone who won't hurt you. _

Frank knew the kiss him and Gerard had shared had been brief, small, and pretty inconsequential. But for him… It was huge.

He'd managed to be even a little intimate with someone, with Gerard, no less, and… He was okay. He hadn't freaked out, panicked, or any other terrible thing he'd half expected to happen.

He was alright.

And more than that. He really, really wanted to kiss Gerard again.

It was difficult though, with Mikey around. But, thankfully, with Mikey there Frank hardly had time to dwell. He found he got on with the younger brother almost as well as he did the elder.

Except, of course, Frank didn't have a crush on Mikey.

It wasn't until that night then, after getting into bed together, glad to be rid of the awkward hesitation before doing so.

They curled up close together, found themselves face to face, and close.

Gerard smiled at him, but made no further move forward.

Frank realised it was up to him, once again.

Fuck. Even though he'd done it the night before, the idea of touching those lips, again, was… Exciting. But nerve-wrecking too.

Finally, Frank pushed himself to do it. Closing the small distance between them to press his lips lightly against Gerard's.

He broke the kiss quickly, gasping slightly as he did. Gerard opened his eyes, smiling at Frank, waiting for his eyes to open.

"You okay?" Gerard asked. Frank nodded, staring at Gerard, his eyes wandering to his lips again. Gerard was, finally, the one to make the move that time. His kiss a little more intense, causing Frank to respond with the same.

Slowly, and without realising he was doing it, Gerard shifted over. Subtly moving his body so he was ever so slightly on top of Frank.

But, it turned out 'ever so slightly' was far too much for Frank.

He stopped kissing him, pushing gently at Gerard, pushing him away.

"What did I do?" Asked Gerard, concerned, as he pushed himself up.

Frank shook his head. "Nothing, nothing I-"

"Frank. Telling me it's nothing isn't going to help." Then Frank sighed, realising he wasn't getting out of this. "You were…" He mumbled. When he started again, he was a little clearer. "You were kinda… On top of me and I- I guess I panicked, or, something…" Gerard smiled, sadly at him. Reached out a hand, lightly touched Frank's face. "I was only kissing you." Gerard said, gently. Frank nodded. "I know. I-""I'm sorry, we'll stop." Gerard said, laying back down beside him. Frank turned over, onto his side again. "I don't- I don't want to stop." He said, making Gerard frown slightly, confused as to what Frank wanted. "Just-" Frank paused, dropped his gaze. "Just, please don't get on top of me, I- I guess I can't-""It's too much, isn't it?" Gerard asked. And Frank nodded, still not looking at him.

"Okay." Gerard said, shifting, carefully, closer again. He placed a light, careful kiss on Frank's lips, which he found was returned, just as carefully.


End file.
